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A great article. My older son is now 5, and it dawned on me that he will probably remember seeing me naked. This was a jarring thought to me, as I never saw my parents naked. I was never permitted in their bed, and exclusively bottlefed, too, and I have had no trouble taking a separate path on those things. But, I did start to notice just how often I am naked with my two boys. Daily.
No one was batting an eye, but me. So we'll keep it up 'til someone shouts "Eww."
(And I challenge anyone to get two boys out of the house fed, clean, and dressed by 6:30am without shortcuts. So for the foreseeable future, it's one shower for all.)
posted by : sprout on 2/28/2008 at 4:04 PM Flag For Abuse
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My children are hopefully learning modesty from me, so i cover up. Around 3 or so my little boys learn to knock before they go into someone's room, and they know that if mama is changing, they have to wait to talk to her face to face. They also start to be more modest themselves, and they know that while undressing in the room they share with their brothers is okay, they will ask sisters to leave (we are a big family!) first, even around 3 or so. We discuss the word "modesty" and what is and what isn't, when we are out shopping, or in our house - and i think this is a good place to start. Our society is already x rated enough - and i want my children to know that their body is something worthy of protection :)
posted by : mamazee on 2/28/2008 at 4:59 PM Flag For Abuse
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I think you have to do what's right for your family, and for each person in the family. My kids are little (5 and 3) and they still shower with me, but my husband has started covering up in front of our 5-year-old daughter. I can remember being 10 years old and showering with my 8-year-old brother. Our family was quite comfortable with nudity, while my husband's family always covered up. You just have to do what feels right. Trust your instincts.
posted by : naked mum on 2/28/2008 at 5:51 PM Flag For Abuse
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Both my parents were naked people my whole childhood. I just saw them naked pretty much everyday until I left home. It never bothered me then and still doesn't now.
I find the only thing that has made me put on PJ's at night is the fact that i don't want to have to bother putting them on in the middle of the night if I have to get up with my son.
posted by : spartic on 2/28/2008 at 6:01 PM Flag For Abuse
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I think there are just naked houses and clothes houses. I'm not particularly conservative but I'm not a person who likes to be naked for a long time, you know? I have helped out my kids while naked when I had to though, but they are all pretty little! :)
posted by : leebs on 2/28/2008 at 9:44 PM Flag For Abuse
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I'm the mother of a boy who's now grown and on his own, and I don't think he ever saw me naked, although he did take baths and showers with his dad as a toddler. After that, we both covered up in front of our son--a preference we learned from our own parents. Once when my then-husband and I were both naked in bed, our son, then three or four years old, came running into the room, afraid of a noise, and wanted to climb into bed with us. We hesitated, then let him under the covers, and he snuggled between us. After a moment, he said, "Hey, how come I'm the only one here with pajamas on?" We laughed and I said, "Sometimes Mommy and Daddy get too hot, so we sleep without pajamas." After that night, when my husband and I wanted to sleep naked, we locked the door and our son learned to knock. Ugh--writing about this is making me recall how unhappy I was in my marriage, and how inhibited my husband and I were with each other after marrying at age 22--too young and inexperienced! I do think we inherit our parents' behavior patterns, and I would never in a million years feel comfortable being naked with a child in the room. I just don't think that's a good idea, but it's interesting to read about it from someone else's perspective. To each her own!
posted by : buttoned up on 2/28/2008 at 11:54 PM Flag For Abuse
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Dude, try going to Germany sometime...the first mildly warm spring day and you can practically hear pants dropping all over the city. Swimming areas, beaches and lakes in particular are like scroto-palooza. Even super old people walk around naked, airing all their wrinkly, flappy bits for all to see (actually, the younger generations are slightly more likely to cover up, I've noticed. I think the "American prudery" is infecting them a bit.) For a prudish American like myself it's damn shocking at first, but I think it's actually healthier. Especially because boys grow up knowing what real adult female bodies of all ages look like (and vice versa with girls.) I think it makes kids less likely to reach adulthood thinking that they (and their romantic partners) should all look like airbrushed underwear models.
posted by : astridjane on 2/29/2008 at 12:39 AM Flag For Abuse
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I have a three-year-old son who seems pretty unfazed when he incidentally sees my (very pregnant) naked body. On the other hand, he thinks it's the height of hilarity if he catches my husband with no pants or shirt on. "Daddy's not wearing PANTS! Daddy's going to work with no PANTS on! Hahahahahaha!" Go figger.
We did stop bathing together just over a year ago, when he kept insisting that I must have a penis, too. It's not that I'm prudish about talking about penises (penii?). It just got tedious having the same debate with a stubborn toddler EVERY SINGLE TIME.
I think that everyone's comfort level with nudity is partly conditioned and partly hardwired, and it's important for family members to respect each other's feelings. If I ever get the sense that my sons are uncomfortable with my nudity, I'll respect that.
posted by : Doppelganger on 2/29/2008 at 1:46 AM Flag For Abuse
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Good article! I must say, though, both my parents were "naked people," and while it didn't bother me as a child it absolutely does now that I'm an adult. I don't like knowing what my father's penis looks like. It's unsettling. So I think at some point before the age of five we will probably not let our daughter see Dad naked anymore. The human body is beautiful, but again, UNSETTLING and unsavory memories abound.
posted by : ShaLO on 2/29/2008 at 7:05 AM Flag For Abuse
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Good article, and I think those rules are pretty rationale. Doesn't it really boil down to what works best for you and your kids anyway?! I showered with both of my parents until I was about five. After that, I never saw my dad nude, because I learned to knock! I didn't want to see his penis, ewwww!! Although we did not close the doors to the bathroom in our house when going #1, I avoided looking if I happened to walk by the bathroom while he was going. My mom, on the other hand, I saw naked a lot. No prancing, but like you said, she felt like she had a right to walk around naked in her bathroom/bedroom and if we didn't want to see we wouldn't go in there, or we would knock first! She still, to this day, puts her lotion/makeup on and does her hair completely in the nude, and she's almost 60. From 6 am to the time she leaves for work she is naked! I had many conversations with her before I set off to high school where she was nude. Funny when you are arguing with your naked mom. But honestly, I didn't really think about it. It was just my mom, I really didn't notice that she was naked because it was NORMAL. I find myself doing the same thing in the mornings. Of course, she had two daughters so maybe it's different, but it just seems like your kids will set the appropriate boundaries if you give them a chance. When your sons reach puberty, if they feel uncomfortable around you, they will learn not to come in without knocking first!
posted by : NakedNonMom on 2/29/2008 at 10:56 AM Flag For Abuse
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Wow, is it possible that "PRIVATE MOM" (is that a military title, cause there's a lot of shouting going on there) and "Keep it covered MOM" are the same lady? I would just like to state that most men CAN control themselves when they see a naked lady. I can state pretty unequivocably that my husband is not a potential rapist, regardless of how naked a woman is, and I find it offensive you would demean his rationality and his morality so. I don't know whether to fear the men you know, or feel sorry you have such low opinions of them. Back to the world of the sane, this is not an issue for us right now, as my son is 14 months, and we both take baths with him, which he enjoys. We'll probably follow his lead and see what his comfort level is as we go.
posted by : mcglory13 on 2/29/2008 at 1:15 PM Flag For Abuse
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Hmmm...mcglory, I read that PrivateMom and/or Keep it covered MOM was actually calling the ten year-old son a potential rapist. Like, he will see his naked mom and go bonkers! Then again, it's hard to decipher what someone means through all those capital letters and endless sentences. In any case, you should keep both your husband and your son in chastity belts, just to be on the safe side.
For the record, my mom walked around naked when I was a kid, and it completely grossed me out. I asked her to stop, and she did. I agree with the person upthread who said that kids will find their own boundaries, and that it's different in every family.
posted by : Amy F on 2/29/2008 at 1:31 PM Flag For Abuse
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I guess all families are different and should do what ever makes them comfortable. Me personally, I think 10 is a bit old to be seeing his mother naked.
mcglory i too read private mom and keep it covered and i don't think they were calling the 10 year old nor the man potential rapist. I think they were just saying, that girls and boys start to go through puberty at that age and sometimes they don't fully understand or can't control certain things that happen to them.
As for the comment made about the men. I'm going to have to agree cause MOST man not ALL have problems controlling themselves as grown man when they see a naked women. Your husband may have more control, and that's great, but most man that don't response when seeing a naked woman are most likely gay or dead.
posted by : just keeping it real on 2/29/2008 at 2:29 PM Flag For Abuse
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Yeah Amy, I got that she was talking about her son as a potential rapist, but then she followed it up by saying all men have no control, and that's the part I found irritating. I mean, her son could totally be a potential rapist, I don't know him, and she's raising him to believe he's an animal with no mental powers what-so-ever. So I'm guessing he may well grow up to fulfill her expectations. As for just keeping it real, I'm not stupid. You're the same damn person as the other two. But thanks for taking off the caps lock key.
posted by : mcglory13 on 2/29/2008 at 2:39 PM Flag For Abuse
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I grew up in a very modest house. Yet as a new mom, didnt think twice about being undressed in front of a baby. But as the three babies grew...our pattern didnt change.
We didn't strut around naked! But if you were in yr room dressing or coming out of the shower and your child burst in, it was nothing to them. So therefore it remained unoticed by all of us.
But now that my children are entering puberty, i do not want my daughters younger brothers or father for that matter to see her.
And by the big eyed look i know get on my 10yrold boys face when he walks into my room, I now feel that him "noticing" me in a different way is the signal to put an end to it.
So to sum up: I think it is just fine until the child begins puberty and begins to see an adult as a sexual being.
They need to be taught that we are now in a more mature relationship to each other, no longer the baby with the mommy.
posted by : realmom on 2/29/2008 at 3:36 PM Flag For Abuse
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Their is nothing wrong with naked if you are smart enough to realize it it not sexual. The MINUTE it becomes sexual, is when it needs to stop. Sexuality and nudity are two different things.
Sex is a desire, intamacy, and love. Desire has no place with your children.
Toddlers and Kids to age 10-11 have no clue what sex is. They think a penis is for peeing and breasts are just boobs with no thought of their function or sexuality.
Naked is just skin.
Your kids will let you know when they have had enough of seeing you naked.
Mother of 1 boy and 1 girl, both who see us naked all the time.
Sex is reserved for the parents
Mom.
posted by : Mom of 2 on 2/29/2008 at 4:13 PM Flag For Abuse
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"PRIVATE MOM," your insistence on SHOUTING and the preposterous scenarios you imagine speak for themselves.
No normal boy feels sexually aroused by his mother, clothed or unclothed. This is biologically hardwired in human beings, so such fears are unfounded, unless we're talking about people who are mentally ill, which the author of this article is not.
Nudity is not inherently damaging or dangerous, but I agree that family members must respect each other's personal boundaries.
This article doesn't truly belong under the heading "Bad Parent" unless you're including the judgments of outsiders, which no family really needs to do.
posted by : ljwilliamson on 2/29/2008 at 6:12 PM Flag For Abuse
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Familial nudity is tough subject but one that must be addressed if our children hope to learn how to live appropriately in a complex world or right and wrong, clean and unclean, and good and evil. I believe that no matter what the context education creates understanding and eventually at least acceptance if not admiration. Most above have expressed some valid points that I agree with, while a few offer sentiment I disagree with and to that end I would like to address. The three things I disagree with are: the gross factor, the confusion factor, and the sexuality (X-rated) factor and I hope to convince you that children can benefit from exposure to familial nudity in overcoming common issues associated with each, poor body image, shameful sexual behavior, and inappropriate sexual identity respectively.
***Religious reference follows: please do not read if you are extremist anything or easily infuriated/distracted by people that choose to believe in a God. I believe we are all children of God and were created in the image of that higher power, which he approved of and was proud of (God didn't make Adam and Eve Dockers). While I choose not to allow this discussion to delve into a theological debate I would recommend that anyone interested in the theology of nudity read a book appropriately entitled "Nudity and Christianity" by Jim C Cunningham. That being said I would like to return to the points of the discussion. End Religious Reference***
First things first, if you or your child are grossed out by seeing another person naked that if perfectly fine and it is completely within your rights as a member of a Hobbesian society. However, to that end it is only your right to avoid being grossed out as long as it does not infringe on the rights of others to enjoy the loveliness of their innate rights of which nudity is one. So if you or your children wish not to see each other naked do what most people above have done and practice knocking prior to entering or establishing times in your household where it is understood that nudity is probable so that it can be avoided by those not wishing to participate.
For example, in my house prior to getting dressed for the day, my kids know that I might be naked because I sleep naked, and I don't get dressed until after my shower (something about clean clothes on an unwashed body always bothered me, go figure). So if the kids want breakfast, "RIGHT NOW... PLEASE!!" or they need help getting dressed, or it's one of those mornings that brother and sister decide to pick a fight with each other worthy of parental intervention, then they know that my assistance will arrive in the buff. So family nudity is merely a result, in this case of my OCD preventing me from getting dressed pre-shower in combination with my unwillingness to allow my children to go hungry, feel abandoned because I won't help, or develop abusive relationships with each other from fighting (Fact: kids simply don't seek non-violent conflict resolution so any fight eventually turns physical without intervention). They are old enough to know that if they want avoid seeing me naked they can wait for my shower before they choose to request my help.
By being unafraid of conducting daily responsibilities naked I am reinforcing the fact that I love my body and it is good enough for me. I believe in projecting healthy self image and yet also in making sure that my kids know they have the choice to avoid participation in the same if they are so inclined. I also believe that our kids shouldn't grow up feeling that they have to sell themselves, or use their body as a bargaining chip, to realize their desires. My nudity confirms that it is okay to be who you are, as you are without worrying about others sizing you up or judging you. My children's reaction to my nudity also teaches them the self confidence to make decisions on their own about their bodies. By allowing them the authority over themselves and their exposure to others I am ensuring that when my daughter grows up and has her first curious boyfriend she has the confidence to say,"No I am not interested, and I don't want to participate." because the novelty of nudity and the human body is something that she has already come to grips with through healthy exposure, in a safe and non-threatening environment.
Now for the confusion associated with puberty topic. Do you honestly think that hiding your natural state from your children prevents confusion? If anything you are reinforcing the idea that your children should be ashamed of their bodies and of their natural reactions to stimulus. I hope your sons aren't ashamed of the fact that the need to urinate during the night manifests itself in the form of early morning erections. If anything the exact opposite approach will alleviate concerns over the changes they are going through as a result of the hormonal flood gates that have been flung open. Teaching your children that their bodies are changing and that they are going to have strange new feelings associated with that change and that it is all normal is what you should be doing; not creating an atmosphere that your children fear coming to you for education about what is going on with them. If you aren't open they'll go elsewhere for information like the internet, friends at school, or other adults whose trustworthiness and intentions you don't know! If you have any doubts about the information your children will get on their own take these simple tests to determine if you want your children to avoid talking to you about puberty, nudity, body parts, or sexuality:
1) Google search some combination of what our children call their private parts in conjunction with "changes" "new" "help" or any other buzz words you would expect your children to use to describe their emotions. You'll find the information provided is way above your kids heads, broaches many topics they are not emotionally equipped to deal with yet, and often leads to other sites of a more explicit nature.
2) Ask a kid the age of your child (obviously after prior discussion with his or her parents and their consent and presence) what he/she knows about sex or his or her bodies. Whatever the answer is decide whether that information is what you want your child to use as a baseline for healthy physical and emotional development. Here's an example, as a child when I was in the 5th grade I asked another girl if she knew about babies or sex and she said, "Sex is when a boy loves you and puts his thingy in your thingy and then pees." Honestly folks, true story, and that is not an answer I would consider appropriate for my child. Try explaining to another family that your boy only peed on their daughter because he loved her..
3) The easiest one. Go into any chat room on the internet and announce that you are a prepubescent or pubescent boy or girl and need help understand what is going on with your body. Then decide if the answers you get are things you want your child to listen and trust.
Finally the "X-rated" factor. Nudity is not Sexuality, and you shouldn't teach your children that they are one in the same. Even the title "X-rated (or NC-17 for all you younger folks)", as was used in previous discussion means graphic depictions of sexual acts according to the MPAA, so it is a immediate misnomer for simple nudity. To that end this point is moot, being nude in front of your children is necessary at times and acceptable to even desirable depending on context and intent whereas knowingly engaging in sexually explicit acts with your spouse in view of your children or with your children is completely unacceptable regardless of intent. By just being nude as a parent and role model I am reinforcing the idea that our bodies are more than just sexual objects.
My husband and I dance naked in our kitchen sometimes if the mood strikes us, Our children can see and understand the love we have for each other. there is nothing sexual about our act but In our most basic form there is no confusion that we love each other for who we are, and not what we can look like in tight jeans, or the money we earn, or the social status our family has and that is the ultimate lesson we need to teach our children. Love each other, all people, as innately different and amazingly unique people with inherent value just by being, which can not be measured but is of infinite importance.
I hope the length of this discourse did not dissuade potential readers. I believe in the above and would welcome the chance to speak more about this issue, or debate those with differing view points. Thank you for your time.
posted by : What Nudity Teaches Kids on 2/29/2008 at 7:38 PM Flag For Abuse
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I was beginning to think I was the only one who freely wandered naked in front of her son. My son is almost five and we still shower or bathe together on occasion. He is always around when I am bathing or getting dressed and I think it would be awkward to ask him to leave the room. I have nothing to be ashamed of, nor should he. I want him to grow up with a healthy attitude toward bodies in general. I am so glad to see I am not alone. In Europe nudity is so much more acceptable.
posted by : Naked is Normal on 2/29/2008 at 11:35 PM Flag For Abuse
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It's funny that family nudity is one of those things that is more common that lots of people think. In any of these online forums when people raise this topic I always see people respond with something like "I always thought we were the only ones." Same when I talk about it with people in real life. Some people have been closing the door and staying covered since they were young children while others think nothing of walking nude out of the bathroom in front of opposite sex parents and siblings. Seems that often it starts with that age when the kids are so young that mommy often doesn't even have time to pee with the door closed and just as they get older it stays second nature. Also seems in bigger families it can be more common as several people sharing bedrooms and bathrooms just often means less privacy. I had a friend who was a stripper who said that she had a funny experience when she and a (non-stripper) friend when on vacation and shared a hotel room. On the first day they were going to go swimming and the non-stripper stripped down in the middle of the hotel room in mid-conversation to put on her bathing suit. The stripper went into the bathroom to put on hers. Her friend was teasing her about it because the stripper gets naked and performs in front of co-workers, friends and strangers but went into the bathroom to change cloths. The non-stripper grew up with 3 sisters so changing in front of other girls was just second nature to her.
posted by : Florida Nudist on 3/1/2008 at 10:59 AM Flag For Abuse
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I find all this very interesting. Interesting that all this confirms what I have always known, that our children learn from our behaviors. I am glad I gave our children the example that we did. I am a proud grandparent. When my children were growing up we did not have walls in the dwelling we lived in while building our home. Their beds were on the other side of our bed’s headboard, the shower was in the corner. No one knew to be ashamed of their bodies - it was all normal and we treated the bodies as normal. It was a beautiful time. When it came time to build the interior walls of our home we had to make the choice of putting up walls or leaving things open (rustic log home). We opted to leave the walls out for a while and we are glad we did. The kids grew up normal believe it or not!! When the "awkward" questions came we answered them matter-of-factly - no embarrassment, no eww's. What a perfect segue into life’s important lessons – lessons it seems that a lot of parents are afraid to address. They both (boy and girl) grew up with a healthy view about the body and sex. My daughter never had problems with boys because there was no curiosity and she knew the consequences of fooling around because we taught them both about sex and responsibility. They both knew that nudity does not equate sex and they know what real people look like, that we are not supermodels. There was no shame of their bodies or natural body functions. They both knew that nudity was not something that happened in public – at least not off our land. Fortunately we lived in a very rural setting and they had the opportunity to run and play bare in our own private Eden if and when they wanted to. When they started into puberty they did ask for walls for their bedrooms and we installed partitions but they still were comfortable with the body. After reading about the fears that other parents have with their children and nudity I am so very glad we raised our kids the way we did. It is so rewarding to have my daughter, in her mid twenties now, still be able to come to me, her father, and talk openly, asking questions about relationship stuff and neither of us have ever felt ‘eww’. No one was scarred because of how we lived, in fact I feel they were better prepared to meet the world than other children. Unfortunately both our children married into super modest families and out of respect for their spouses we are also modest when they come visit - as we also are around the grandkids. However, I can’t help but think the world would be a better place with a bit more honest openness and lot less ‘eww’.
posted by : Hiker1956 on 3/2/2008 at 1:33 AM Flag For Abuse
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I love this article. I am a woman, and I grew up hanging out naked with my mom very comfortably and it was no problem (still isn't). My father was raised by nudists, and was comfy being naked around me until I was about 8 or so, and my maternal grandmother criticized him for "scarring" me, and then he began to cover up. But when I was a teenager, I took a couple summer trips to nude beaches with peers (in a highly supervised environment), and it felt very healthy.
Today my father is dying of stage 4 cancer. There are days when I've had to bathe and dress him because he can't do it himself and he has nobody else to help him (he's no longer married), and there is simply no way I can avoid seeing him naked in this situation. I am immensely grateful for those early years when I was able to get some comfort with nudity so that now I can help care for my dad without it making me uncomfortable.
I have one 1.5 year old son, and I hope that we can be a naked-with-boundaries family so he can learn some measure of comfort with nudity, and nudity at different ages.
posted by : dorothy1900 on 3/2/2008 at 12:52 PM Flag For Abuse
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I am a woman from a family that was fairly comfortable with nudity--particularly between myself and my mother. My father started "covering up" sometime before I hit puberty. In any case, I find it interesting that there is so much fear about sexuality attached to the concept of nudity.
I am attracted to both men and women and have been in very excellent, healthy long term sexual relationships with people of both genders, but my naked parents have always been just about the most un-sexual people to me on the planet. In fact, if I want to get in an unsexy mood, thinking about my naked parents will do it! It's not that their nudity ever disgusted me--it didn't. Rather, it has nothing to do with sex. They are my parents, and I am not attracted to them--naked or clothed. I never felt there was anything sexual about being naked with either of my parents.
posted by : bi grrrl on 3/2/2008 at 1:00 PM Flag For Abuse
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Interesting... I wonder if this would be an issue worth debating anywhere outside America.
posted by : GirlsGoneChild on 3/2/2008 at 7:01 PM Flag For Abuse
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Anyone who has observed children knows that they are enthusiastic naturists. We have never seen young children who are self-conscious when nude. In fact, you may observe them squeal with delight when they're allowed to run around nude. It's only in their later years that they're pressured into being self-conscious and adopt older people's phobias about the body. We believe that it's healthier for children to grow up comfortable with their own bodies. We don't think there is any advantage in teaching them to be ashamed and embarrassed by certain parts of their bodies. It's clear that being dressed has not kept children safe. The best thing we can do is teach our children the confidence to speak up when people do things which make them uncomfortable. If they are not ashamed of their bodies, they're much more likely to tell their parents when someone does things to them that they don't like. Whether nude or clothed, children should know that being touched in certain ways is wrong. Although good parenting is by far the most important factor in raising children, naturism helps to promote their confidence and understanding about their bodies. I love being nude, especially outdoors. Years ago, as a kid, and to this day, I did not get dressed immediately after my shower. If it was summer and fan was blowing it felt even better to "air dry". I have always been comfortable being nude around the house, mostly upstairs in the bedroom areas. Before kids and a husband, I would clean the house in my underwear. Many times, I experienced and loved skinny dipping.
So, when my brother–in–law "confessed" to me that he and my sister were naturists. My first reaction was laughter: my second reaction was "I have got to try this!" My BIL showed me some web sites and introduced me to the philosophy of nudism.
I talked to my boyfriend, who thought I was nuts, but he agreed to try it. Every day after that, I was on the internet reading message boards, and woman's first time experiences. I wanted to go with all my being, but I was nervous at the same time. But, after reading so many first time experiences all saying the same thing, I began to relax about attending a naturist event.
My first experience was at a non-land club, it was recommended by one of my friends on http://www.naturistspace.org I immediately felt comfortable. It's like the old saying "When in Rome, do as the Romans." Everyone was nude and comfortable, so it was not hard to join in. We brought our snacks to share, our towel and some beer to drink. The people were friendly; the water felt good without a suit on and the night ended all too quickly.
In the summer, I travel to naturist camps. I LOVE being outdoors, sunning, swimming and enjoying the wonderful people at these co-ops. I feel fortunate to be able to understand the naturist lifestyle and enjoy a wonderful and relaxing experience.
We are a NUDE when possible, clothed when practical club, so there is no pressure to be nude right away, except to be in the pool, and then you must be nude. The atmosphere is very family friendly, from kids to grandparents.
posted by : sarababe on 3/3/2008 at 1:16 AM Flag For Abuse
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LOVE THIS and I completely relate! My boys are two and three and I have no problem being naked nor do I anticipate it being a problem as they age (to a point). I must say, however, that yesterday as I was getting in the shower my three year old sweetly and innocently said, "Whoa mommy...you have a big butt!!" Another benefit of letting your kids see you without clothes - they tell you the naked truth.
posted by : FTFChan on 3/3/2008 at 8:41 AM Flag For Abuse
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The proper word is "vulva," not "vagina." They can't see your vagina.
posted by : Accurate on 3/3/2008 at 10:57 AM Flag For Abuse
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This is gross. Your kids are going to have weird memories and issues with intimacy. All because you don't want to put some clothes on when you're sitting around the house. Sounds pretty selfish to me.
posted by : raininspain on 3/3/2008 at 4:01 PM Flag For Abuse
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How come no one else's kids seem grossed about by naked bodies?
We don't ascribe any shame to nakedness in our house, but my kids are in the "farting is funny" stage (it is a stage, right?) and they think naked butts are associated with gas alone. Which means butts are gross, which means Mom has to put underwear on before sitting on a sick child's bed at midnight. Fever and vomiting have nothing on a tush; my kids know where the real stomach-churner lies!
I can't believe I'm the only whose reason for putting on a robe has nothing to do with sexuality, morality, or the basic naked/clothed debate. I just can't risk igniting a round of fart humor.
posted by : stanky on 3/4/2008 at 11:40 AM Flag For Abuse
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I find it really surprising that anyone would have an issue with the position of this writer. My parents were moderate to conservative, and they were always naked around us until I was near puberty, at which point my mother started covering up.
When I visited my grandparents during my childhood and adolescence, we all skinny dipped together in the pool. Buck naked. And they voted for Reagan.
This sends a humane and sweet message to kids, which is that we are all human. Apparently prisoners are transported nude between cells sometimes because they are less likely to assault officers. Somehow we are all a little more vulnerable and human and sweet naked. Such a pity not to share that humanness with your children.
Once adolescence hits, sure, parents of opposite sex might steer clear.
posted by : chattydaddy on 3/4/2008 at 8:11 PM Flag For Abuse
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I am so excited by this dialogue; it is not only important, but a commentary of our culture and its fear of the human body. I am a sexologist and sexuality educator (and mother of a three year old son). Nudity (even bathing or showering together) isn't a big deal. What is more important is how we (parents) respond to bodies (and genitals in particular) because that colors how our children feel about their bodies and eventually their sexuality. But no harm will come from looking at a naked body. In the end, it's a family's decision how they want to tackle nudity at home. However, one thing is certain - we can't scream and yell about covering up or use any type of negative words when we're talking about our bodies or theirs as this will shape how our children view themselves and others. (And there are tremendous implications for later on.) We should be calm and always positive. Just because we are uncomfortable doesn't mean that we have to raise children who are ashamed of their bodies, too. In our home, nudity isn't a problem (for now), but I will let my child dictate when he wants privacy or if he chooses not to.
Logan Levkoff, M.S.
Author, Third Base Ain't What it Used to Be: What Your Kids are Learning About Sex Today - and How to Teach Them to Become Sexually Healthy Adults
posted by : SexEdMommy on 3/5/2008 at 8:55 AM Flag For Abuse
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Perhaps having seen her own parents nude when she was old enough to recall it might be the reason this writer is comfortable with what every parenting expert condemns (and not without reason); namely, being intentionally sexually provacative toward your children. People like these parents put their own needs before the welfare and well-being of their children. Then I imagine she has never heard of Oedipus . . .
posted by : Readit on 3/5/2008 at 1:53 PM Flag For Abuse
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Perhaps having seen her own parents nude when she was old enough to recall it might be the reason this author INSISTS that she is comfortable with nudity in front of her older children. Virtually every parenting expert in the civilized world warns that being intentionally SEXUALLY PROVACATIVE by way of exhibiting your nudity to your older children can have serious consequences for them. This author and her husband put their own needs before the welfare and well-being of their children. I would imagine this writer has never heard of Oedipus . . .
posted by : Readit on 3/5/2008 at 2:05 PM Flag For Abuse
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Being a child that was molested by my father, I have to say, that although I know and understand not all parents are child molesters, I really think that "family" nudity is a far too slippery slope, and the whole au natural spin of it just reeks of cover up. Why would you as a parent ever intentionally put yourself in a position of possible being involved in, or accused of inappropriate behavior. I really do not think the need to run around nude in front of children older then 4 or so should be so strong as to over ride common sense in what is good for the children, and what can easily be misconstrued in a manner that could have your children removed from you custody. This is not a third world situation where you are sharing a one room shack, so there are no excuses as to why you can not keep the privacy and nudity of the family contained. I hate to tell people this, but there are a lot more child molesters out there then you think, and most are related to the children they molest, lets not invite it into your house by insisting on being a nudist family. Protect your children, and protect yourselves from accustations that could be made against you for insisting on running around naked with your children.
posted by : Think about it first on 3/5/2008 at 3:09 PM Flag For Abuse
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I think connecting parents being naked in front of their young children with child molestation is unreasonable -- it's like saying free speech should be illegal because the KKK says offensive things.
It's horrible to hear that some people have had scarring experiences, but ruling out all nudity among family is not a solution those problems.
Should we outlaw school children showering in the same locker room because of a few bad experiences? Maybe we should also mandate chastity belts. This puritan American instinct is totally misplaced and ineffectual.
posted by : chattydaddy on 3/5/2008 at 5:34 PM Flag For Abuse
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For being founded on the idea that government, church, or any one else could tell you how to live. The USA is one of the most self imposed uptight better than thou sociaties I have seen or read about.
posted by : hogheadv2 on 3/6/2008 at 10:42 AM Flag For Abuse
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I agree that it is horrible that a few people have had scarring experiences with nudity and sexual abuse however the majority of people will find that there is nothing sexual and nothing negative about nudity once they experience it. Just because a few have suffered at the hands of someone they should have been able to trust does not mean that the body is something to be ashamed of or embarassed about. There are people that can help those that have been abused but is not an easy journey to heal those scars and it is a big first step to seek that help. As mentioned in a previous post, children are natural nudists and given the freedom to be bare in a safe environment only creates a healthy outlook on the body and the eventual sexuality when the time comes. My wife was not physically abused but her parents taught her to never touch another person in their private areas (neglecting to tell her that did not include her future husband), that the body was sinful, her mother told her that sex was something that she had to do and it would be horrible. I over heard my Mother-in-law telling my wife on several occasions that her "father just had to have it last night" like it was the worse experience on the planet. Quite possibly it was for her but she did not have to keep spreading the seed of negativity. Even after 30 years of marriage and gentle nurturing and encouragement from me my wife still has some deep seated issues with the body and sex. My father-in-law eventually apologized to my wife for the scarring they did to her and her siblings with their negative views. He saw the beauty in how our children were growing up and realized that he had been wrong. It is a shame that people with issues about the body pass them on to their children. Children are like sponges and take in more that you might believe - not just spoken words but attitudes and prejudices too. My wife recognised that the issues were hers, that it was healthier for the kids to grow up with a more accepting and Positive outlook regarding the body. Even though she rarely was bare around the kids she never made them feel ashamed when they wanted to run and play bare. Eventually they out grew the play but they still have a healthy outlook about the body. In this instance I think the negative outlook on the body handed down generation to generation in my wife's family finally stopped with our generation. At least I hope so.
posted by : Hiker1956 on 3/9/2008 at 12:25 AM Flag For Abuse
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My husband has always walked around nude, and before our three sons were born, so did I. I didn't make a concious decision to cover-up, I just did it. Now, the boys are 17, 15 and 9. Last year, my husband wanted to be more active in nudism - going to a secluded spot by the lake to sunbathe or visiting a nudist camp. I was extremely reluctant at first, but now, I wouldn't give it up -- even if he did. Our oldest son was mortified at first. the middle son joins us around the house, and the youngest can't wait to shuck off his clothes! He goes with us to the camp we belong to now.
As far as men not being able to control themselves around naked women - we've been going to this camp regularly for a year, and I've yet to see an erection, get hit on, or even hear of inappropriate behavior. What I have done is met some of the nicest people in the world.
Last weekend, we had some beautiful weather. My "mortified" 17-year-old came home on hiswork break and fussed at us for being inside watching old movies.
"Go run naked in the woods!" he said. "Don't waste this day!"
Yeah, he sounds real scarred, doesn't he? LOL!
posted by : NudeAndLovingIt on 3/9/2008 at 2:33 PM Flag For Abuse
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Well I think I am with Emily on this one. Nudity in this country is so over analyzed and in a proper family context it can be a bonding time for some.
A friend of mine who was divorced had a son who is quite close to my son-they are both 13. My son had spent a day at his friend's house swimming and I had gone over to pick him up.
When I arrived I was a little surprised and amused to find that the boys were swimming au natural. I sat in the kitchen with the mother having coffee while the boys continued to play. Turns out that this was not something unusual for her son and to my surprise she admitted that on occasion she also skinny dipped with him. She saw the expression on my face and asked me if I had a problem with the boys being nude and quickly apologized that I wasn't made aware of it. I admitted that I wished I had known beforehand but because it was just the boys (she had no other children) and they had a private back yard I was ok with it but I told her that by no means did I want her to join them (jokingly).
She looked slightly hurt and said of course she would never take that sort of step with someone outside her family but she went on to say that between them nudity was not a issue in their house. They did have two bathrooms but since one was located on the main floor they ended up sharing the one on the upstairs floor since her son was small. They often were bumping into each other in the morning and over time she found that it was easier to be casual regarding nudity. As her son got older she told me that she spoke to him and made it clear that if he ever reached a point that nudity was uncomfortable to him for him to let her know. She felt secure that their arrangement was working for them as they had a very open relationship.
I made it clear even though it was not for me I respected her parenting abilities. Her son was on the honor roll, a good athlete and very popular at school obviously she was doing something right.
And it did get me start to thinking later why is nudity such a hang up in America? In other countries families do see each other nude from birth into old age and no one bats and eye or accuse parents of sexually abusing their own children as some posters here have implied. I wish I had been more open with my son growing up and not so worried about covering up all the time. This boys mother has a body shape like mine (slightly full figured)and as I was waiting for my son to get ready to go she pulled me aside. She admitted she got defensive about this subject but didn't want me to think she was a militant nudist who thinks people should be nude all the time. She just felt that at certain times in certain situations it was fine. She told me that on warm Saturdays they often slept late and then both would start their day with a relaxing dip in the pool and eat a late breakfast they prepared together out there too. But most often they were clothed as any other family would be it was just during the summer months or in and out of the bathroom. Before the boys got downstairs she even offered to allow us to join them some Saturday if we wanted. I politely declined.
Now that summer is approaching I wonder if I acted in haste-when I used to go camping I used to love skinny dipping but its been 20 years. As it turned out my son was aware of the Sat morning skinny dipping and didn't think it was weird. Not long afterwards my son came into my room while I was changing-he asked my a question about some clothes he couldn't find and then walked away. I was there practically nude and he didn't bat an eye. Maybe it would not be awkward with my son as I had been conditioned to believe. She left the offer open ended. This article got me thinking about it again and I wonder if I might ask her about it again.
For those who don't agree that is fine but please don't be so judgmental-every situation is different.
posted by : Goingwiththeflow on 3/10/2008 at 3:19 PM Flag For Abuse
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I love this article. I agree with pretty much everything.I am also constantly naked,I guess at some point I'll have to put on a shirt and some underthings.Thanks for writing such a thoughtful normal article,at the same time ,I will introdece a web to you -----nudistsky.com.
posted by : 00 on 3/14/2008 at 12:54 AM Flag For Abuse
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I always find it amusing how preoccupied Americans are with sex with regards to nudity. I grew up in a vastly different culture where nudity was common, children running around naked and women without tops and none of my siblings or myself have any long or short term effects on seeing our mothers breasts on a regular basis. However, perhaps it is not fair to compare since the culture is so vastly different from American culture. It seems quite puritanical for such an advanced nation, though it makes sense since American values are based on puritan values to begin with. I just find it interesting that how much emphasis is place on nudity being linked to sexuality in American culture.
posted by : Bahiagal on 3/29/2008 at 10:33 AM Flag For Abuse
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The author of this article would find some measure of reassurance in the following paper:
Okami, Paul, Richard Olmstead, Paul R. Abramson, and Laura Pendleton. "Early Childhood Exposure to Parental Nudity and Scenes of Parental Sexuality ('Primal Scenes'): An 18-Year Longitudinal Study of Outcome." Archives of Sexual Behavior 27.4 (1998): 361-384.
It's an unfortunate fact that much of the literature (both pro and con) dealing with the topic of familial nudity is anecdotal, i.e. without scientific support in terms of comparisons of control and test groups based on measurable outcomes. The paper of Okami, Abramson and Pendleton is important in that it does provide such comparisons. Over an eighteen year period and using a variety of metrics they compared the progress of a group of children reared in various "alternative" communities with the progress of children in a control population of the same age cohort. One of the factors they studied was the effects of familial nudity.
They concluded that there were no statistically significant main effect differences between the two populations, based on the metrics in their study. They did find statistically significant interaction effects in some cases (though the absolute differences were slight): the females in the test population tended to be more liberal in their sexual attitudes than those in the control group, whereas the males in the test group tended to be more conservative than those in the control group.
posted by : nac ar on 5/12/2008 at 5:38 PM Flag For Abuse
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My husband and I both sleep nude. My sons sleep in their underwear/diaper, and my daughter likes to sleep in one of Daddy's T-shirts. Everyone bathes naked (don't you?). When my daughter was about 7, I sensed some tension in my husband when she would enter the room while he was dressing. I explained to her that she was old enough for Daddy to get dressed alone. She still comes in the bed/bath area while I am showering and dressing, and has asked some frank questions which I answered truthfully in a manner appropriate for her age/development level. Some of the most honest discussions I have with my kids come when they are in the tub. Something about being naked strips away the fronts we put on, and then we can get to the heart of things that trouble them. My oldest son was about 4 the last time he took a bath with me (for time's sake that day), and at 5 he decided that he wanted to talk to me while I took a shower, then sat on the back of the commode with his eyes covered with his hands (his choice). He has a great deal of natural modesty, and seems to prefer Daddy's help at bathtime, which is fine, I always got to help sister with her baths when she was young (Daddy's request). My youngest is still a toddler, and he bathes with me several times a week (some days it's the only way I can get a bath, I certainly can't leave him running around unsupervised!) He loves being naked, and will strip off his shorts and diaper and ride his tricycle or sit on his beanbag chair and watch cartoons. He isn't put off at all by nudity. My kids know that me and their Daddy sleep nude, and that intrusions after bedtime might result in the sight of "nekkid people". They make their own choices with regard to their own nudity, as their personal modesty level dictates. They are required to wear shorts in areas of the house with no window coverings due to the fact that there are sick people in the world who view children as potential sexual targets, and that fact has been explained to them so that they are clear that nudity at home is fine, but in public and at friends' houses clothing is needed, for their safety and everyone's emotional comfort. My husband and I give each other privacy during toilet time, and the older children also prefer to toilet solo. The baby respects no one's privacy yet, and everyone know that if they want to be truly alone, they had better lock the door. Daddy and I have been allowing the baby to come into the bathroom with us when we "go" because we are starting to prepare for potty training, and he's getting the idea that the toilet is the place to do his "business". As for the natural curiosity that children have about the human body (theirs and ours), I have explained that touching yourself is not wrong or dirty, but that it is something that should be done in private. As for touching other people, the older two know that that is something to be saved for marriage (and bathtime in the case of the two boys- the older one gets to help bathe the younger, just as his older sister bathed him when he was little - teaching a sense of responsibility for one's siblings).
All that being said, I think that in today's culture of oversexualized teens (and pre-teens), eating disorders, and media-perpetuated body ideals that are unrealistic for anyone, it's crucial that I teach my children that their need to love their bodies the way God made them, and that the human body is a beautiful and amazing creation that should be cared for and respected. I also teach them that other people may have different views that should be respected, but that they don't have to change they way they think about themselves for ANYONE.
Sorry if I got long-winded, but it's a topic that every parent faces, and most of us make the right choice for our families.
posted by : TheWayGodMadeMe on 5/15/2008 at 12:35 AM Flag For Abuse
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I grew up remembering dimly seeing my mom naked bathing once or twice and accidently seeing my dad shaving naked in front of the bathroom mirror once.(He went balistic) We were taught in a family of seven that your body was private and kept undercover. That being said I have to say that to this day when I am in a locker room or doctor's office I always feel alittle uncomfortable and embarrassed about my nudity.
I don't want my son to feel that way some day. He is four years old. I don't prance around naked all day. But when I am showering I will walk from the bathroom to the bedroom in the buff. I sleep in the nude. My son doesn't think twice about my lack of clothes when he wakes up at 2a.m. and climbs into bed with us. If he gets up before I am ready to I will walk out naked and fix him a quick breakfast before heading back to the bedroom or to the shower. Again he doesn't batt an eyelash.
I think kids need to grow up feeling comfortable with their bodies and realizing that real people don't have model's bodies. So I will continue to run around between my bedroom and the bathroom unless I see an indication from him that he is uncomfortable with this. Also I hope he will continue to feel comfortable around me when he is naked. Hopefully by not having any hang ups about proper nudity within our family he will always feel comfortable coming to his father or me when he needs advise or information on personal issues. And of course when he feels the need to privacy it will be respected.
As long as children are taught that nudity is only appropriate at home and that their bodies are theirs and what is appropriate and not appropriate reguarding touching other people or people touching them ,then I think that feeling comfortable,open and free with one's family is a beautiful gift you can give to your children.
posted by : doingmybest on 7/9/2008 at 2:30 PM Flag For Abuse
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I grew up with British parents who wandered from their bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom naked (or in just a t-shirt) frequently--daily probably! As a teenager, I remember thinking it was a bit gross at times, but I also distinctly remember when friends would talk about never having seen a penis and I felt that it was not big deal (though I admit, when a friend and I, at about age 12, caught a glimpse of a friend of my parent's through a sailboat hatch while he was peeing in the head, we giggled hysterically! As a 20 year old, I also remember being on vacation with my parents; my mom had a bad back and was doing sit ups and leg lifts in her nighty--without underwear on. My mother's full crotch was definitely more than I needed to see, even after devouring Our Bodies Ourselves cover to cover!
All of this obviously informs my parenting now. My husband and I are both comfortable with our aging bodies and, like you, do not feel the need to cover up in the bedroom and bathroom. Now that our kids are teenagers, however, I am a bit more cautious! Topless is no big deal, but I tend to put my underwear on a bit sooner than I might have done 10--even 5--years ago. My 16 year old son has come in an caught me naked a couple of times in the past year or so after I'd just gotten out of the shower, but as you say, he did come into my bedroom...
Anyway, obviously I think it's healthy for us and for my children's views of people's bodies to know that not everyone has an actresses body!
Thanks!
posted by : penrise on 7/29/2008 at 11:07 AM Flag For Abuse
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I am a House Husband. I take care of our daughter. My wife and I are nude much of the time, whenever we feel comfortable - my wife a bit more than I.
I spend all of my time with our daughter - I bathe her and change her diapers. Believe me, there is nothing sexual about cleaning poop out of her vagina.
As someone else mentioned, I have to use the restroom in front of her (she is only 11 months old). She has noticed daddy's penis, and stares at it when I use the toilet. Not that she understands, but I tell her that is the difference between mommy and daddy.
Out daughter sleeps with us and we sleep nude sometimes or not, depending on our preference that night. I did stop sleeping nude for now because little girl started grabbing at daddy because she didn't know what that thing was. But there was nothing sexual in it, as all of you well know.
As far as men not being able to control themselves in front of a nude woman, that is a bunch of crap. That opinion says more about the person who has it than men in general.
Nudity is just a naked person. What you do with it is something different entirely. There is nothing inherently wrong with being naked around your kids. But if you are a moralizing prude, your kids will be just as uptight as you are, and there's nothing good about that.
posted by : StayAtHomeDad on 10/22/2008 at 2:11 PM Flag For Abuse
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I appreciate the candidness in this article and StayAtHomeDad's Comment.
It's all in how you handle the situation. A 10yr old boy is starting to learn about his body and things going on with it. You make adjustments as you need too. It's not like mom was prancing around the house. Dad recognized with his daughters curiosity what he needed to do and did. I remember walking in on my dad when I was 12.. no big deal the main thing I found interested was how light his legs were compared to the rest of his body..lol. I was not traumatized by this. We laugh about it still to this day. It just kept me from walking in on him unannounced. At some point kids see there parents naked..why make a big deal out of this. As long as it stays within it bounds and parents recognize when they need make some adjustments.. I see nothing wrong with it.
posted by : ItsNotThatSerious on 10/22/2008 at 4:09 PM Flag For Abuse
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While I get what a lot of you are saying about taking the taboo out of the human body and separating sexuality from nudity..I try to avoid my now 5 & 2 yr olds seeing me naked anymore. Although, many times I have to leave the bathroom door cracked when showering - (for safety reasons). I don't want my sons to be uncomfortable with their bodies - or the bodies of others. BUT, I'm trying to teach my 5 yr old inappropriate red flags. Not everyone is a child molester, but the ones who are are out to trick or seduce (oprah's word) our children. I want my son to be uncomfortable if an adult is naked around him..I want him to see it as alarming - a red flag that something's not quite right here. I also want him to keep himself covered in public, at school, etc. I don't know how to teach these things while keeping nudity a casual affair at home? I don't freak out if they walk in on me - but I limit the amount of time I'm naked by getting out of the shower and throwing a robe or something on..
And I also agree with ThinkAboutItFirst above - I just don't know how you teach small children the difference between appropriate nakedness and inappropriate nakedness? How do you explain something so 'grown-up' without ruining their innocense?
posted by : that girl on 10/30/2008 at 4:43 PM Flag For Abuse
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My parents continued the nudity for too long. And by too long I mean: I'm 30 years old and I still have that image burned into my brain. No, thank you.
posted by : theintrovert on 12/4/2008 at 8:48 PM Flag For Abuse
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I grew up seing both my parents naked, toweling off, shaving, putting on makeup and such. I did not get grossed out or think it was weird that is just the way it was. i never remember aksing my friends if they see their parents naked. We saw ours naked from birth so it was normal. As my mother got older and had some health concerns she wanted me to accompany her to her doctors visit. She does not like doctors, and wanted me in the exam room with her (i am male) the nurse told me to leave and she said no way. She was told she was going to be naked and she said so waht i want him to stay. It was not weird or perverted or unatural she was more comfortable and i was glad to help her feel that way. She recovered and everything was fine. Without going into all the specifics i had an accident while working on her house and she had to look at my penis very close to decide on going to the hospital. I was not embarassed, nor was she. I am glad we can be so open with each other.
posted by : Naked is normal on 12/5/2008 at 6:45 PM Flag For Abuse
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As a girl growing up with brothers, once I was in the pre-puberty stage, I became very conscious of my body, despite the fact that my mom had no problem with nudity. I hated the fact that my mother walked around naked, and the more I saw her naked, the more I wanted my privacy. Especially since she is not a skinny woman. I became disgusted and fearful that my body would end up like hers. If anything, maybe I have more body issues with my own body instead of less. Now I am 22 and I have no problem with seeing her naked, but I do believe that sometimes modesty should be exercised. I understand that some people say that seeing their parents naked now will make it easier if they have to take care of their elderly parents, but trust me, by that time, your child will have the maturity to deal with the necessary nudity. It does not have to be forced on them.
Parents, your children love you and you cannot assume that they will tell you once they start becoming uncomfortable with your nudity.
I see no problem with being naked around 3 year olds, or even 8 years old, but parents , please be conscious of the changes that your child may be going through with his/ her body.
In other words, cover up once your child starts hitting puberty.
posted by : be conscious on 12/18/2008 at 6:31 PM Flag For Abuse
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@Private Mom...actually one of the reasons our society in American is messed up because we have such stupid "ideas" regrading something as natural as nudity and sex. Some people have been raised to be ashamed of our bodies. If we had more natural thoughts maybe kids insist on trying out all the taboos we heap on them. And the only reason they are called "private parts" is because someone was too uneducated to call them by their proper name....genitals which they are. Glad my boys aren't that way.
posted by : babyowl on 1/11/2009 at 2:35 PM Flag For Abuse
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We are a naked family. My husband was raised in a naked one. I was raised in an, ahem, "modest" family. I love how my husband is so comfortable with his family. And it has just been natural for us to continue the naked bit. I have two boys and, like my husband, I hope that they'll know what human bodies really look like.I also live in Europe. Maybe that makes a difference....
posted by : letvs on 1/14/2009 at 3:24 PM Flag For Abuse
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I guess I will make a bad parent. I am only ever naked when making love or bathing. I am uncomfortable with nudity in other contexts, both my own and other people's. I am also shy and introverted. I don't generally consider these things to be handicaps, just my personality. It is sad to think that unless I morph into someone else I cannot have emotionally healthy children.
posted by : mchaos on 1/15/2009 at 2:27 PM Flag For Abuse
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Hmm, it seems like, regardless of her what she says at the end of the article, she does in fact judge people who are uncomfortable with nudity. The little jab about her conservative friend who probably doesn't let her pets see her nude?
I am all for live and let live, but in this day and age, where child abuse charges are so rampant, isn't it best to err on the side of caution?
posted by : locke403 on 2/24/2009 at 11:01 AM Flag For Abuse
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I don't remember seeing my parents nude.
My wife and I had an open door policy and frequently slept nude. We thought nothing of walking through the house without clothes but didn't go around nude, except in and around our pool.
As a young child (2) our daughter had a problem of soap in her eyes while being shampooed. I solve t he problem by taking her into the shower with me each morning using the hose shower to rinse her hair. I would then put her down while I washed myself. My memories of those few minutes each morning are special. When she was 4 she started taking and interest in and handling my penis. It was not significant but a couple of times I did have a physical response. My wife and I decided "showering with Daddy" would be for special occasions.
I haven't seen my daughter nude since she was about ten even though she frequently snuggled in to our bed and used the our pool with us.
We usually spent a couple of weeks each summer with relatives and friends at a family legist "camp". We were usually nude on the beach and in the lake. No compulsion. Some visitors remaind clothed. The kids at about 9 - 11 mostly kept san suit on. Of two girl cousins, the oldest at about 15 started being topless. My daughter and the other cousin keep their bikinis on. The boys "skinny dipped" but put their suits back out of the lake. (As adults the girl cousins are frequently nude and my daughter and the boys (but not one wife) keep their suits on.)
My grandchildren have no problem coming and going in my bed or bathroom when I and naked. For a year or so g'son thought my nude sleeping was "gross". He is the more modest. G'daughter now 10, along with neighbor friend, think nothing of parading their nudity for me on the way from bath to bed room. While vacationing, after a long day of tourist, including hours of 6yo g'son on my shoulders, I announced I was going to soak in a bath before dinner. My phone wrang. "Dad, can the kids bathe with you?" Nude, the kids ran from hotel room to room and climbed into the bath with me. I know they bathe with their father. I don't know if they do with their mother.
I think each of us is different in our response to nudity.
posted by : sailor39 on 2/25/2009 at 6:17 PM Flag For Abuse
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OMG everything you write here- sounds exactly like my household. My parents never walked around naked, but then again I had both parents at home. I walk around naked- but not for show- simply to get something out of the dryer or to get a bar of soap from the front bathroom. I have always done this. I dont want my son growing up thinking human sexuality like this is something to be ashamed of. I answer any questions he has, but lately he does not have any. I really thinkk because it is the norm for us, it does not seem like anything at all when I walk through the den into the laundry room to fetch dry clothes.
http://payingdebt.blogspot.com/
posted by : Single Mom on 3/23/2009 at 11:08 AM Flag For Abuse
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I'm a 32 year old woman and growing up I would see both my father & mother naked (mother much more often.) I would regularly shower with my mom and once in a while with my dad until age 8 or 9. It was no big deal, never any sexual connotations. I was a curious child, always asking questions about the body and it's parts, which were answered honestly. Of course i was more comfortable asking mom about her breasts , but once I remember distinctly asking my dad in the shower about his penis and why he seemed to have 2 of them! He laughed and explained that what i saw behind his penis were his balls! He briefly explained their function as well as he could to a child. I enjoyed the sight of his genitals, but i never felt any compulsion to stare or gawk. My dad never made any obsene gestures or "showed" himself to me outside of changing or showering.The sight of the male nude form has never bothered since, unless of course it's just blatant gross porno, which i loathe! Regular nudity was less common in adolescence as i became more modest. Looking back, I'm glad my parents were comfortable with this. They're still together to this day, and I'm comfortable with myself. If i ever have kids, I'll be as honest and respectful as my parents were to me.
posted by : phoebe on 3/23/2009 at 11:56 PM Flag For Abuse
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My husband and I were just talking about this the other day. I have a baby girl and a 3 year old boy, and they both see me naked often. I don't walk aroud the kitchen naked or anything, but I do sleep naked, and my son is often in the room while I'm dressing or showering. Last week, my husband wondered if he was getting old enough that I should start covering up around him. It still feels fine to me, so I haven't changed anything, but my husband definitely does come from a more conservative family, so I understood his hesitation. He is rarely naked in front of the kids, and really wasn't too comfortable letting my son in the bathroom with him while we were potty training. I rarely have a solo potty moment, like every other mom of little ones, of course! The nudity really doesn't bother me at all, and I do think it's a good thing for children to learn what real bodies look like. I think we'll just keep doing what were doing until there's a reason to change.
posted by : Sarah Jenkins on 7/17/2009 at 11:35 AM Flag For Abuse
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How remarkable that the woman who's final paragraph claims "I would never judge another parent who is uncomfortable with nudity" obviously forgot her quite snide comment a few clicks back, "I suspect they stay covered up in front of the family pets, too. " Classy.
posted by : sternengel on 7/30/2009 at 1:06 PM Flag For Abuse
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I LOOOVED your article. So genuine and true. I also am the proud mother of 2 boys and I am beginning to have those thoughts about nudity, because I like to not be all covered up all the time. I laughed so much with your article and I agree with the compromises you made! Thanks so much for such a bright article. You made my day!
posted by : ilianazm on 8/26/2009 at 3:17 PM Flag For Abuse
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Thanks for such a great article - really balanced and sensible. I followed a link from http://www.christianmoralquestions.com/ and am glad I read it!
posted by : heathermm on 9/21/2009 at 5:32 AM Flag For Abuse
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There's a reason this article is posted in "Bad Parent"
posted by : cmcintyre on 10/14/2009 at 8:04 AM Flag For Abuse
