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You know, I don't believe it is always best for a child to be at home with a parent--if all the parent can give is a day of TV. Hire a babysitter or send your child to a half-day preschool program a few days a week. Interaction with any adult would be better than this sort of excessive use of TV.
I work from home, too, and I know it is tough. I get a lot of my work done before my daughter wakes up, during naps, and after bedtime. I also know what will buy me a block of uninterupted work time: water play, Playdoh, the sandbox on our deck. Nonetheless, we found that our daughter really benefited from about ten hours a week of childcare. She made friends, got out of the house, tried some new activities--and I finished my work, so that I could give her much more attention when she was home. Now that she is four, she goes to a preschool program for about twenty hours each week.
Start by cutting to one half-hour TV program or DVD each day. You can do it--and your kid certainly won't miss it, once you provide something more interesting to do.
posted by : Sheri on 3/27/2008 at 11:07 AM Flag For Abuse
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I agree with Sheri. But it's good to see the "bad parent" column back on track after the last one (which just made me feel really sad for that awesome family).
posted by : mcglory13 on 3/27/2008 at 11:35 AM Flag For Abuse
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My son isn't even 2 yet and I understand how this can happen. He's very obsessed with TV. We limited to two shows a day (which I know is still considered excessive to some people), but it's really hard, even though we stay pretty consistent with the rules. He can watch something when he wakes up in the morning and when he gets up from his nap. And this is with me being home and NOT working. I usually plan to do all my internet reading/cleaning/etc during his nap, but if I had to try to work from home too.. forget it!
If you are concerned about her watching too much tv, then maybe a mother's helper or some half days at daycare wouldn't be such a bad thing.
posted by : tiffer on 3/27/2008 at 1:10 PM Flag For Abuse
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i think this article falls into the category of doing what needs to be done to get by...i too work from home three days a week, and it is next to impossible to get evertyhing done with an active 10mth old, but i know if i put on yo gabba gabba or something that has lots of music (even old youtubed sesame street) i can get a few minutes of peace to get stuff done...Sheri has a point that other things can keep their attention as well, but i find that i want to use things like play doh, and water play for our time together when i am not distracted by my own work.
When my son gets to be older i will renegotiate the tv time, but as long as he remains active, and remains interested in curling up to read i dont think i'm going to worry about it too much
posted by : regandbabe on 3/27/2008 at 2:54 PM Flag For Abuse
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I find this piece pretty refreshing and realistic. Most of the anti-television crowd I know can afford things like nannies and pre-school and aren't in the position where they're the only full-time caregiver of their children. If they were, I bet they'd change their tunes pretty fast.
posted by : Maujer on 3/27/2008 at 2:57 PM Flag For Abuse
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I agree with Maujer. I'm at home with my kids, which is my choice but is also what makes most sense for us financially. We don't have part-time child care, and we don't have family in the area.
Unfortunately, my older daughter's tv watching increased when my younger daughter was born. They are 13 months apart. I found that Wonder Pets calmed my eldest enough so that I didn't have to worry while I was in the next room changing a diaper or making a bottle. Now, 10 months later I have a slight addict on my hands, which is a bit horrifying to me, but I've done the best I could do. Now I'm planning to decrease the tv watching to maybe an hour a day, and I'm looking forward to when my younger daughter is old enough to hold her own against her big sis and they can just run around together.
posted by : gocubs on 3/27/2008 at 3:24 PM Flag For Abuse
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Honestly I think it's sad that this child's parents allow her to watch six hours of television a day.
I am not part of the "anti-television" crowd, but let's be honest here. This author clearly has financial resources: a tv in several rooms, computer, husband who works full time and she works part-time. My wife and I are by no means rich nor even remotely close to it. I work full time and she works part time and part of that from home. Still, our 4 year old watches no more than an hour of tv a day (though he would love to watch far more.) Yeah, it's easier to do the adult things we all have to do while the kid is zombified in front of the television than it is to read Goodnight Moon - again, take out the play-doh - again, dress up like pirates - again, or run around our little condo to the same four hiding spots - again. But that's what being an involved parent is.
With our society full of dumb fat kids I don't see much excuse for this type of parental decision making. Frankly I have more respect for the Bad Parent author of several months ago who got high and took her son to the mall and was able to "look at the world from his perspective" better because of it. At least she was interacting with her child...which is more than I can say for someone who allows television all day. SIX HOURS!! Are you kidding me? What a shame.
posted by : mrb on 3/27/2008 at 3:27 PM Flag For Abuse
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Kids/toddlers/babies' brains are being developed during these first few years. If kids are used to self-entertaining then that is what they naturally are prone to do, but if they are conditioned to watch TV then they will consistently prefer television entertainment over self entertainment. Parenting is not supposed to be easy, watching TV is.
There is actually a lot of research about the damage that TV, whether it is kid appropriate or not, does to certain lobes of the brain. The brain acts a like a muscle, and if certain lobes of the brain that act on logic and creativity are not exercised as frequently as the lobes that act on emotion and impulse, then you end up getting a child that expresses the part of the brain that is most frequently accessed and built to be strong. TV exercises the impulsive lobes of the brain.
And it is true that kids under the age of 6 have a hard time telling reality from fiction. So, if they view a news clip that is repeatedly shown, something like a car crash... but it is the same car crashing each time, just shown multiple times... children under 6yrs think that it is a new car crashing each time. They do not have the capacity to differentiate.
Certain TV/movies are okay in modified quantity, but you get out of them what you put into them. Also, the earlier you start an unwanted habit the harder it is to break that habit when they are older. If you really want the BEST for your child, then give them the BEST... and I don't think anyone would think that constant television watching is the BEST for a child or an adult.
Working from home has its challenges, but you are creating more long term challenges for your kids by letting them super-size their television watching habits.
posted by : eklezia on 3/27/2008 at 3:27 PM Flag For Abuse
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I work from home and it has its challenges. I hate that my daughter watches any TV at all, but I too have found it hard to avoid. She usually watches 15 minutes of Sprout while I am in the shower each day and then I use it as emergency back-up when I can't schedule a call around her naps - so maybe another 1-2 hours a week. I feel badly about TV even in this limited amount but in my case the majority of my day is still spent interacting with her. I think this is balance though and 6 hours just is too much!
posted by : toughchoice on 3/27/2008 at 3:33 PM Flag For Abuse
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This epitomizes why the modern "WAHM" shtick is the worst of both worlds. Everything is done half-assed and the kids end up suffering the most.
The other thing I was wondering is if this author is depressed? Because that is just so not healthy to do to a young brain. Calling yourself a bad parent doesn't make it any better.
posted by : beeee on 3/27/2008 at 3:34 PM Flag For Abuse
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Six hours is a lot of TV for anyone, including adults. However, my 19-month old son watches probably 1-3 hours a day. I know that it is too much, but sometimes I'm tired of reading board books or playing with trucks and its' too miserable outside to take him to the park. Like any crutch, a little can turn into a lot. If Elmo's World will buy me time to clean the powder room or get myself dressed, then a whole episode of Dora will get me time to talk to a friend or schedule appointments. It's a dangerous thing.
I try to schedule play dates and little adventures or errands during his awake time, so we can't watch TV. But some days we have nothing to do and no where to go. And I rely on the easy way out- TV.
Having now thought about it, I am going to make an effort to cut down his TV time to just 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the evening. I'm not going to cut it out all together. I don't want to and I don't think its necessary. Plus the boy loves Curious George and Max and Ruby.
posted by : froggemom on 3/27/2008 at 3:56 PM Flag For Abuse
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How sad, for both of you! Six hours of TV a day is far too much for anyone, let alone a toddler. I know it's a nice way to get time to yourself - I'm a professor working at home two days a week and I know that it's very difficult to get anything worthwhile done while my 1 year old is awake. But I also know that resorting to the TV isn't an option at our house. You know why? I see the results of too much tv in my college classrooms all the time: kids with attention spans of fleas, who compulsively multitask while "working" (tv on, surfing the net, messaging people) and the quality of work suffers. Don't try to fool yourself that because your daughter is a skinny kid that likes to read books with her mama right now, that you're not setting the foundation for a lifetime of bad habits.
Our daughter watches maybe one hour of TV a week, at most. You can change your tactics - and you owe it to your daughter to try. Teach her to play by herself and you'll both be set up for years of productivity.
posted by : bookmama on 3/27/2008 at 4:10 PM Flag For Abuse
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I completely agree with Sheri and mrb.
I chose to work at home after my eldest was born, in order to be at home with my kids. To get things done, I work after they've gone to bed, when my husband's home, or if I have a deadline, I get the 12 year old down the street to play with the kids for $5/hr. I confess to using TV in order to do a conference call in peace but not to get through my work. I hate sounding so self-righteous, but this really disturbed me. Which is why, I suppose, it's in the Bad Parent column. I hope the 6 hours a day is an exaggeration for dramatic effect.
And no, I'm not anti-TV. My kid loves Max & Ruby as much as the next. We just have limits.
posted by : jennym on 3/27/2008 at 4:11 PM Flag For Abuse
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Ok- I am nauseated reading this. I'm not sure what the author is getting at by highlighting her daughter's skinny frame (to refute the childhood obesity assumption?) or by saying she's the one to tell her she's the smartest, most beautiful girl in the world, yadda yadda. (Gag.) If you have the resources to have that much technology in your home, I would guess (though you didn't provide your tax return data in the article) that you could afford to hire a p-t sitter to take the kid to a park or an indoor rec center (or zoo or library story hour or coffeeshop or....) even if you don't want to.
posted by : BBBGMOM on 3/27/2008 at 4:18 PM Flag For Abuse
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What is wrong with the world? TV! Just get rid of it! Are you that dependent? What do you need from it? News: radio, Internet, or (gasp!) newspapers. Entertainment: Internet, movies, or (gasp!) books. Or how about talking with your family?
Really - your child is not learning to think for herself. I agree with the above poster. Have you read anything about the anti-intellectualization of America? (No, probably not, if it's not reported on TV!)
TV gives nothing. It gives you the illusion of time, but your daughter is not learning to play on her own. It may be hard at first, but she'll eventually do it: wander around, diaper her stuffed animals, "read" her books, whatever.
She would be better off with a caregiver and/or other kids - actual human interaction - than the TV.
This is from the anti-TV squad. And proud of it.
posted by : kill your TV on 3/27/2008 at 4:19 PM Flag For Abuse
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More respect for a parent that gets high and takes their child to the mall. Are you SERIOUS? I hope she didn't drive there. Wow you're really judgemental about how much money this author might have. Perhaps this is just what happens when this Mom needs to get some work done. NOT all the time as she points out she does read to her child everyday and plays with her when the work is done.
posted by : JLO on 3/27/2008 at 4:23 PM Flag For Abuse
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actually, i have found that having an interactive pet is my daughter's most entertaining "toy" that she is constantly playing with. this takes away the need for television time and she focuses on her imagination and creative side while running and playing with our dog. she is an only child right now, almost 3, and plays with our labrador all the time, and has from the start... this allows us to get "stuff" done during the day... maybe replace the tv with a pet?? if you can't play with your kid during part of the day, your dog will!
posted by : just an idea on 3/27/2008 at 4:30 PM Flag For Abuse
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It's quite simple really: If you work part time you need part time day care. If you work full time you need full time day care. Working part time and placing your child in front of the TV when you need to work is not a good solution for your kid and will only create problems further down the line.
Think about the kind of lifestyle you are teaching her. Will you yell at her when she is 13 and slumps down in front of the TV after school, -like she has always done? Or do you think she will magically be able to entertain herself otherwise when she has been taught since toddlerhood that TV-marathons is A-Okay?
If you can't afford fulltime daycare, at least consider a couple of hours a day (6...?) Playing and interacting with other children, doing arts and crafts, going on outings outdoors while mommy works or watching TV?
For me, also a freelancer, the answer is simple.
posted by : SusyQ on 3/27/2008 at 5:34 PM Flag For Abuse
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We got rid of cable a year ago (don't miss it) but the damage had been done. Daughter will be 4 in May; bright, active, happy--but asks to watch TV EVERY SINGLE DAY. (We live in a rural area and don't get "regular" channels either.) She wants to watch cartoons, she wants to watch a "mooovie," she wants to watch anything at all, and I am depressed about it. Having to tell her to play with her toys, read a book, color, etc. only reinforces my feeling that I should have never let her watch TV to begin with. When she goes to Grandma & Grandpa's the TV is always on, and although I haven't said anything about it yet, it's getting to the point where I am having a hard time keeping my mouth shut.
BTW, I am home with her during part of the summer (I teach summer school two days a week for 8 weeks) and I absolutely refuse to turn on the TV for any reason during the day. It's pretty simple. "No, you can't watch TV. Go play with ___." That's what I can't understand--why can't parents say no to their kids?
posted by : katydidmama on 3/27/2008 at 5:36 PM Flag For Abuse
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I agree with bookmama. Yes TV is easier than teaching your kid to play for herself. Just like giving her a chocolate is easier than making a sandwich when she needs a snack. The child may not have a heart attack or be obese now because she eats sugar and fat, but you will see the results further down the line.
posted by : Hermine on 3/27/2008 at 5:47 PM Flag For Abuse
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I'm sorry, but I *love* this article. Yeah, six hours of t.v. a day is probably pretty bad, but I'm so tired of hearing about perfect mommies who spend every minute of the day enriching their darling offspring, or about so-called "experts" who tell us why every decision we make will harm our children irreversibly, or about celebrities who don't let their kids watch t.v. at all (I pity their nannies!) We women need to stop trying to one-up each other in the race to be the best parent -- as my mother tells me, "sometimes 'good enough' is good enough."
posted by : Bryna on 3/27/2008 at 5:49 PM Flag For Abuse
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Maujer and others who think that the "anti-tv" is an unrealistic indulgence of the wealthy:
I can't afford a babysitter, I am my daughter's full-time caretaker, AND I work part-time from home.
My 20 month old watches ZERO television.
Mothers who choose to limit or avoid television aren't wealthy elitists...we're moms who made the commitment to do what we need to do to make sure our kids have what we believe to be best. So I may not have certainly luxuries, but my daughter and I spend most of our time at home engaged in healthy, interactive pursuits.
Now, don't get me wrong...I don't think you are a bad mama if the kid occasionally watches a little television during the day. As long as you aren't fooling yourself that it is good for the baby, if you need a 15 minute break, you need one...and you certainly deserve one.
But 6 hours??? That's just not good. And to pat yourself on the back because you are home with the child? It isn't your physical presence in the same house that makes for consistent bonding care, it is engagement. And don't congratulate yourself on avoiding all the ills associated with excessive tv quite yet. There is still plenty of time for those things to catch up with a child and besides, an individual exception is not the point of the PSAs. The point is that overall television has a connection to these problems. So, advocating, encouraging, or justifying excessive viewing is irresponsible.
posted by : CaliMama on 3/27/2008 at 5:50 PM Flag For Abuse
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wow wow wow...what a kick in the pants. since we've moved far away from the rest of our family (grandfather and one aunt in particular)my son's television time has tripled. and i know its awful- for all of the reasons stated but mostly because of the blank stare it brings out in my happy, healthy 2.3 yr old son. but to read that its better he's w/ a caregiver/ preschool teacher...well, i have to admit that this is probably right. ouch! i so can identify w/ the change in plans once the baby is born as well as the husband who zones out in front of t.v. i guess this makes me the responsible party. but guilt alone does not absolve us of the mistakes we make. i know that kieran and i could both benefit from getting up off our asses- no matter how slender his still is.
i did notice that the author noted this as "one of those days" where her daughter watches that much television. and i have also vowed not to judge another parent (lest i be judged?). but there is a loud and clear message for me in this article. and just as soon as Wonderpets ends, i'll heed it!
posted by : kieransma on 3/27/2008 at 5:56 PM Flag For Abuse
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I'm home with my kids full-time, and I know what a lure TV can be, just so I can get a few things done. At times I have ventured into the hour and a half a day zone, and that simply felt like too much. One day I told the girls (now 3 and 5), "OK, new rule around here: you can watch 2 shows (half an hour each) or one long show (like Sesame Street) and that's IT." It goes on after 4 or 5 pm, when I'm trying to cook dinner, and now it's just a routine. They even turn the TV off themselves after their shows are over. I don't get a fight or whining when it's morning and they want to watch it or if they want to watch one more show. They just know it will NEVER happen. So, kids adjust, I believe. They'll find other things to do. Get new games, crayons, puzzles, blocks.... My girls can spend hours playing at the kitchen set and play food, or creating houses out of blocks for their little animals.
posted by : ravjen on 3/27/2008 at 6:02 PM Flag For Abuse
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Yeah, this one, along with the pothead mom, is actually a pretty good example of crappy parenting. I let my kids watch TV, but six hours? That's utterly absurd. If you work at home, that is absolutely no excuse. Get a babysitter, send her to daycare, whatever. That's what WORKING parents do, because we all know you can't do both at the same time. This was pathetic, and know I know what the US lags in so many areas of education.
posted by : leebs on 3/27/2008 at 6:23 PM Flag For Abuse
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I am a work-from-home mother of two, and they watch no more than an hour a WEEK, and it's always been that way. I do my work during naps, after bedtime, and occasionally on weekends when dad's home. If I absolutely have to make a call while they're awake, that's when they watch, but this is rare.
When my oldest was little, I would occasionally need to get some work done while she was awake, so I taught her about "quiet play time," when she would "read" books or play with blocks or cars while I worked. After her sister was born, she dropped her afternoon nap, but while her sister naps, she still has her quiet play time. For two hours, she stays in her room and reads or plays with her dolls.
In a likely-related matter, she taught herself to read when she was 3 1/2.
posted by : chyna823 on 3/27/2008 at 6:33 PM Flag For Abuse
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ahhh...you know I was of the mind set of no TV for my kids too....My son had no interest in TV until he was 2. He liked Tele Tubbies. That was it. Then at 2 1/2 he developed a love for the Cars movie. He watched that movie at least once a day. At 3 he liked Curious George/ Super Why/ Word World. He has learned so much from watching that horrible TV. At 3 1/2 he is learning to spell and read. He is not fat at 32 lbs at 3 years and 7 months. He has great self esteem and highly social. He has a great grasp on reality and constantly informs me of the things that are real and the things that are not real. I really think it isn't "TV" in general but what you let your kids watch on TV.
My daughter on the other hand was into Oprah at 2 weeks old. SHe has been a serious TV junky. But on the other hand she is 19 months and recognizes letters and can spout off quite a few. Something her non TV watching brother couldn't do at her age. So one thing parenting has taught me is don't let your child lead. You may have a child that sleeps tell 9, plays quietly with toys a total dream. Some of us have kids that wake at 6...never stop running until 7 pm. Sometimes the only time you can clean the house do laundry take a shower is when the cartoons are on the screen. Especially so when you have 2 kids or more.
Teaching your kids to limit themselves are more important I think. I give my son a time line and he turns it off himself. Unfortunatly my daughter isn't of the same mind set yet and is always turning it on.
As far as crafts...well my kids like playdoh play about once a week for 30 minutes. Drawing the same. They love to read books for about 30 minutes a day. In the winter when it is wet and cold indoor activities can get mundane even for a toddler.
Oh and paying a 12 year old $5 to watch your kid seems dangerous to me. I would rather he/she be at home with me safe with a responsible adult. Most people who stay at home stay at home because they can't afford a sitter...
Seriously I want to meet the Mom's that can spend 16 hours straight playing with a toddler. I can only drive so many trains and cars or make believe with little people make forts collect rocks. I think parents over play with their kids alot of the time. My parents never were as hands on with me as I am with my children but some people seriously try to be their childs playmate rather then their parents. We over worry about whether our kids will be smart enough. Confident enough etc. We forget they are kids and they have interests and ideas of their own. If your kids love TV and they are smart and happy and healthy don't kill yourself over it. If your kids is not talking and dumb as a brick then maybe you need to make changes. My 3 year old operates a computer better then his Dad can...kids these days are growing up in a tech age. If they aren't tech savvy they are only going to be qualified to grow vegi's or work in a soon to be extinct Library. But yes 6 hours is a lot. Get her a computer so she can mix it up and at least interact with the cartoons and learn something.
posted by : carlie on 3/27/2008 at 6:42 PM Flag For Abuse
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I don't think anti-television is only an indulgence of the wealthy, but I do think having part-time day care probably helps keep it to a minimum. I also think Bryna pretty much nailed the other point that I didn't make right on the head: this woman wasn't talking about 6 hours a day, every day -- she was talking about what she had to do to get by. She was talking about not being perfect. She was talking about (gasp!) having a life besides your kids.
That's all we all do. If some of us choose to do it differently than you, so be it. I don't judge other people for being obsessive about their children's development: I'd appreciate the same courtesy.
And it's not just a matter of economics: case in point, yesterday I had a sudden doctor's appointment and no childcare options, although we can afford them. My husband worked from home to cover for me (he's a lawyer) and watched her while doing document review. When I came home five hours later I discovered that she'd been alternating "Baby Signing Time" with Noggin all day long.
Did I yell at him? No. Did I think this would doom her chances of getting into a tt preschool? Not really. She was happy, healthy and fed. And some days we watch no television at all. In addition, at a year and a half, she knows more sign language than I do.
Sometimes I think the housewife of the 50's has been replaced by the hyper-parent, who chooses to stay home (who has the luxury to choose to stay home), who spends every waking moment on developmentally appropriate and enriching tasks, who schedules classes like they used to schedule meetings, who has to do "something" every minute of every day, and who can't understand those of us who just aren't wired this way.
My daughter watches tv. My daughter also plays with pots and pans, pretend-feeds the cats, 'reads' to herself, dances to music, has conversations with her dolls while I sit on the couch reading a book.
I don't regret any of it.
posted by : Maujer on 3/27/2008 at 6:43 PM Flag For Abuse
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It isn't about playing with your kid for 16 hours a day. You're not helping them be independent people by allowing TV to be your go-to babysitter! YOU don't have to play trains all day, every day, but you should teach your kid to play alone, and use their imagination. Instead of Tv, why not let them have some practice with that?
again, we watch some TV at my house, but never more than an hour at a time, and not every day. My kids are 2 and 3, so I know how hard it is to entertain them all day. SO I DON'T - they entertain themselves for a good chunk of the day! It isn't hyper-parenting to allow your kids to be themselves - and do any of us honestly believe that TV encourages kids to be themselves, or use their own minds for anything?
posted by : leebs on 3/27/2008 at 8:30 PM Flag For Abuse
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CARLIE - just to clarify, I said the 12-yr-old PLAYS with my kids. At my house. I'm at home, in the next room, trying to meet a deadline for work. I think that's better that plopping them in front of the TV for two hours.
posted by : jennym on 3/27/2008 at 8:32 PM Flag For Abuse
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I think it's all about overindulgence in moderation, if that makes any sense.
Are there days when my 4-year-old watches 5 hours of TV in a row? Yes, but most days we're doing the crafts and the books and the park stuff. There are days when she eats nothing but chips and cookies and high-fructose corn syrup juice (literally, at my SIL's house) but that happens only every six weeks or so. The rest of the time she's asking me for more peas.
Oh, and I don't count any TV time into the hourly tally if it occurs prior to 8 a.m. None of us (kid included) are really conscious before then anyway ....
posted by : me on 3/27/2008 at 8:36 PM Flag For Abuse
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Measuring my "success" as a parent by how much TV my child watches? Never!
Maybe this writer is evolving in her parenting, just as her daughter is growing. Exploring through TV is not necessarily a bad thing.
Would it be any better if her daughter was watching Pavarotti, or the Mets? Why are some of you so critical of TV? Does watching Dora the Explorer make your child score poorly on the SATs? Does it count against getting into the best preschool if your child knows what color Big Bird is?
Give the woman some credit! She's admitted that the 6 hours is a rarity. Anyone willing to work from home rather than send a toddler off to a sitter is not necessarily a bad parent, whether she can afford to or not. What she does with her child the rest of the 18 hours in the day interests me. I don't think an occasional day glued to "the tube" is going to show up on her resume when she's 20!
My son had his own chores (brushing teeth without being reminded, setting the silverware out for dinner, etc.) to earn credits for TV. He could choose the movie our family would watch, or earn a trip to the science store, and so on. We took the opportunity to supplement his watching TV with outside activities: trips to the library to find the books that were featured on Reading Rainbow, or visiting the museum that Mr. Rogers had visited so we could see the artwork in person.
Did he watch 6 hours of TV a day? I don't really know, but it's unlikely. My husband and I read books to him every day from the time he was born. Granted sometimes we read to him from the newspaper we were reading, but I like to think we were modeling the behavior we wanted to see him assume.
I could have afforded a sitter, but I didn't want to lose sight of what my child was doing during the day. So I double-tasked my time like this parent, and was engaged with what he was watching, and able to evaluate whether it was worth sending him to a sitter (who might have let him plop down in front of the TV anyway).
It's certainly easy to criticize a writer without knowing more about her situation, but I tend to think that I could have been writing a similar column not too many years ago...I won't brag about what my son is doing today, but he seems to have turned out pretty well in spite of what we, as newbie parents, did or didn't know about TV and its "dangers."
posted by : Mme X on 3/27/2008 at 9:04 PM Flag For Abuse
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I'm not sure where some people get the idea that if the tv is off, you, the parent, must be "on." You don't have to - and frankly, you shouldn't - play with your baby or toddler every minute of every day. As a matter of fact, I might even suggest that you needn't play with them for more than an hour or two out of the day. I am in the same room with my daughter almost all day (except when she's napping), and she can play alone for up to 20 minutes at a time. Why? Well, aside from the fact that she's the perfect baby (that is a joke!), I like to think that it's because I started leaving her to her own devices months ago. I'll read books and play with her from time to time, and if she needs anything I'm right there and would never ignore her. But she's pretty good at "reading" to herself, exploring the kitchen cabinets, making stacks of whatever wherever, playing with her toys, taking all the linens out of the linen chest and then putting them back, etc etc. I remember I called my mom once when she was about 6 months old, lamenting that I didn't have a minute to get anything done except when she was napping, and she started laughing at me. "Do what you need to do," she advised, and went on to say that our baby would do what was interesting to her, and we'd all be much happier. As usual, my mom was right. She also told me that when she had us, she called her mother and said about the same thing I had just said to her. And her mother just shook her head and said she didn't understand all the playing with the babies (she raised four children). When my mom asked her what she did with them all day, she said, "Heavens. You were in your playpen while I played cards with the ladies!" I'm not advocating that approach (although it amuses me), but "benign neglect," as some childrearing experts have called it, is definitely the way to go. I have a girlfriend who alleges that she "can't" put her 15 month old down whenever she's home, because "he won't let" her do it. That's absurd.
And as for those parents who say that their kids are becoming geniuses from watching the TV (learning letters, etc), guess what? They can learn the same things from books, and just as quickly, if not more so. Our 12 month old knows several letters, the color blue, almost any animal you can find in any of her books (and all the sounds they make), and plenty of words and signs. She learned them from reading with us and having quality interactions with the people who are around her all the time. Not from watching television.
posted by : bookmama on 3/27/2008 at 10:03 PM Flag For Abuse
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I can't believe all the negative feedback on this. I can totally understand the mom who wrote this article. I am not a work at home mom, but I work part time and my husband works full time. When I was at home, somewhere between extreme sleep deprivation and laziness I turned on the TV for a few hours in the morning so my daughter would stay in her pack and play while I got a few more minutes or an hour of sleep. Then occasionally I would put on HBO Family so I could get a few things done around the house. Now my daughter at 15 months is almost a TV zombie. She asks for Elmo by name and will push the remote in my face if I don't turn on the TV sometimes. Her dad lets her watch TV at night while he is watching her while I am at work.
BUT I am not concerned. Regardless of what the AAP says, my under two year old isn't suffering from spending hours in front of the TV. Probably because we do also read to her quite often, even several times a day, she also plays instruments around the house and plays independently while the TV is on. At 15 months she has learned to tune out the TV as much as tune in. I agree that TV can be bad, violent shows can really effect a child's attitude. However TV can also be a learning tool. Even my husband and I watch shows on TV for purely the educational benefit.
posted by : dhsredhead on 3/27/2008 at 10:18 PM Flag For Abuse
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Jeezus H., that's a lot of TV! I think that would numb my brain, and I'm an adult. I think it is absolutely best for a child to be at home, not in day care ... but let's face it, this is not a good situation. I hope Mom reevaluates how much time her daughter is spending in front of the TV, and finds a way to cut down. A lot.
posted by : Anon on 3/28/2008 at 12:14 AM Flag For Abuse
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Of course you don't have to play with your kid 18 hours a day. That is the whole point! If you use the TV as a babysitter your child is robbed of the oppurtunity to use HER OWN imagination to entertain herself. Actively exploring is how children learn, not passively watching, no matter what you say to fool yourself about "educational programs".
Plus: If you teach your child that watching serveral hours of TV is okay every day (I get that 6 hours was a rarity for the writer, but even 2 hours is a long time for a child), you set her up for a bad habit for life. Way to go as a parent..
posted by : Mamarama on 3/28/2008 at 3:52 AM Flag For Abuse
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I don't have a whole lot to say one way or the other about the author's parenting- it's not the way I would do it, but I'm not her and my kid isn't her kid. One thing I do want to say, though, is that I am getting a little disturbed by Babble with these Bad Parent columns. I've seen the plea for tolerance and less judgment on Strollerderby any number of times, yet this column is practically an invitation to judge another parent. Who cares whether the author's kid watches too much TV?? Or is it just an opportunity to congratulate oneself on one's awesome parenting, that you manage to make it work all the time and still keep the TV off?
I guess I wonder if we've lost perspective. Parents who beat their kids, or truly neglect them, or can't provide a stable home environment- those are the actual bad parents. I realize Babble's mission is to be provacative, but it feels like license to judge. I know I hate being judged (because I work full time, because I couldn't keep exclusive breastfeeding up after I went back to work, because my daughter watches some TV), and I'm trying hard not to be judgy about other people any more. It just feels like a lot of energy and no payback.
Sorry, I guess something about reading this article and the comments really got to me. I may take a Babble hiatus for awhile.
posted by : Dwtintx on 3/28/2008 at 7:15 AM Flag For Abuse
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I'd like to see more constructive responses to this type of article. I know I would have liked some suggestions, not necessarily advice, from other moms when my son was a baby. I knew some parents who revelled in every single word that their child had learned because they kept a brag list, and a few parents whose parenting style was benign neglect. I felt as though every thing I tried as a mom was open to scrutiny. I tried to do my best to allow my child to develop his creative nature and help him realize that there's a vast world to explore because I expect he'll be like my husband and I are: open to lifelong learning. I will make some mistakes along the way and that is alright, but hopefully these forums are made for enhancing one's parenting and not pigeonholing folks for an occasional blunder. Had I had Internet access when our son was little, I'd have enjoyed hearing another parent's perspective on parenting, especially if it was non-judgmental.
As I see it, TV is a tool, and it's up to the parent to decide how to use it. If you manage it wisely, your child can learn some things he or she might not encounter through books or interaction with other children.
I would suggest that this parent look at what shows are available during the day that enhance her daughter's level of development, and if she must divide time between actively watching her daughter and doing her "real" work, plan around the times that those shows will be on. At least then the TV she watches is limited and has some purpose in mind.
posted by : Mme X on 3/28/2008 at 10:03 AM Flag For Abuse
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We are raising a NATION of fat, dumb, non-athletic children. Where do you think it starts? As little kids plopped in front of the television.
This isn't about judging another parent, it's about reality! It's about taking a look around this nation's playgrounds and seeing the giant kids lumbering around, their shirts barely able to contain their enormous bellies. It's about comparing the educational level of our children with that of other countries. We are a joke!
Fat and dumb kids.
How can anyone justify letting your kid watch tv all day? Shameful.
posted by : mrb on 3/28/2008 at 11:16 AM Flag For Abuse
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Wow! Did you read the article? Where did it say the author let her child watch TV all day. I believe she stated that this was "one of those days when Jillian would watch TV for 6 hours" not every day and certainly there was time when they were interacting together reading and bath time and I'm sure plenty of other times the author didn't feel the need to add. So I'm thinking a little less judgement. Unless some of you have parenting awards you'd like to share. Parents aren't perfect.. Mine let me watch TV and I work at the local public library does that mean I'm dumb? It may not be a high paying job, but I do get to encourage children to read. So please like I asked before a little less judgement. Parenting is hard enough without all the "perfect parents" judging everyone else.
posted by : JLO on 3/28/2008 at 12:19 PM Flag For Abuse
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Hey, JLO...stop judging us, thanks.
posted by : doughrocks on 3/28/2008 at 1:15 PM Flag For Abuse
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I sympathize with needing some peace and needing to get things done, but all this article seems to do is make the mother feel better about her choice. "At least I'M the one parking her in front of the T.V. and not some daycare provider!" That's a cop-out, frankly. I really try not to judge the way other parents care for their kids but come on...there are SO many better options, part-time daycare or preschool being one of them. And as for cost, there are MANY inexpensive and creative options so expense is also an excuse. Please, Jeanne, take some of these well-meaning comments to heart and try to come up with some other options for your daughter. She sounds like a sweetheart, very smart and with tons of potential. Don't squire that away just because it's easier for YOU. I, too, am a writer who works from home so I know how it is when you have your creative juices flowing and you don't want to be interrupted by a little person. So find someplace else for her to go. Don't be selfish and then try to justify it by saying that she is thin and has high self-esteem, blah blah blah. It'll be better for both of you to turn off the tube! Good luck! We support you!
posted by : Melwriter on 3/28/2008 at 1:38 PM Flag For Abuse
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One last thing then I'm done I agree with Mme X. But really doughrocks isn't that what this feedback is, judgement? Bye now.
posted by : JLO on 3/28/2008 at 1:40 PM Flag For Abuse
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I cannot believe the self-righteousness and psuedoscience in these comments. How *shocked* everyone is! How did you even manage to recover from your fainting spell for long enough to post your indignation?
I don't think it's a great idea to let kids watch so much tv, but the consequences of doing so are blown way out of proportion. For examle, the effect that tv has on "lobes"--wow, "lobes"! That sounds so scientific! If you want to be taken seriously, eklezia, you might want to post a citation for that research article.
Suggesting--as eklezia and other posters have--that tv essentially causes brain damage isn't just alarmist, it's racist and classist. Look at some statistics about the ethnic identity and socioeconomic status of the children who watch the most tv, then let's see how comfortable you are talking about "dumb" kids and their "lazy" parents.
There were eight kids in my family, and the tv was always on. Literally: always on. We learned quite a bit of our vocabulary from syndicated sit-coms that were vapid and inappropriate. Do we resent our mom for that now that we are all adults? Yes. Are we developmentally disabled? No. I'm an attorney and two of my sisters are doctors. One of my brothers is a therapist and another is a professor. Another sister is a waitress, another is currently out of work, and yet another is a receptionist--and they are all smart, bookish, articulate, funny, well-adjusted people. When we all get together, we might roll our eyes at Mom's parenting "style," but we are not the drooling morons the posters suggest we are.
posted by : cat23 on 3/28/2008 at 2:12 PM Flag For Abuse
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Is this article some kind of a joke? April Fool's day is coming up!
This is possibly the worst treatment of a child that I have ever heard someone admit to.
posted by : MaryG on 3/28/2008 at 2:20 PM Flag For Abuse
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Maujer + Carlie...
She really does not say it is a rarity. It is implied that it is not 6 hrs a day every day...but certainly it seems that excessive viewing is regular and 6hrs is not all that unusual.
And this isn't her emergency plan--this is her usual childcare plan. But she not only thinks it is acceptable, it is apparently superior to getting childcare. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but she seems like she could get a job that would more than pay for childcare but chooses to work from home to "be with her child." Except she spends more time working than actually interacting with her child.
I think it is great when a parent chooses to stay at home with a child--but if full-time active parenting isn't your "thing," that's fine. Don't chose to be a stay at home parent if you don't really want to be one.
And I don't think anyone here has said that occasional tv is going to deform a child's mind. But the information we have does show that no television under 2 is ideal. You can do with that information what you wish, you can dispute it, but you can't ignore those sorts of consistent findings and pretend they aren't there.
As far as "overparenting":
We do one organized activity a week. I play with her a lot, but she also plays by herself a lot...without the television on.
I just can't stand when people say it isn't possible (or you have to have some ridiculous amount of money)--because it is possible to get things done and have a toddler and work at home and not use the television. But, again, I don't look down on occasional use. I do think 6 hrs in a day veers into the realm of bad parenting decisions.
My daughter naps (most days) for over an hour, sleeps about 11-12 hours. Then there are meals and snacks. So, we're really only talking 8-9 hours a day. It is a job. A job I love. That job does not always mean direct interaction or classes. It sometimes means she entertains herself using her imagination--a skill we built together.
And as for the "world of technology" argument--most of us did not have contact with computers until we were at least 5 or even in our teens. And we all seem to be handling the computer just fine. My daughter will learn to use a computer...just not before she's two.
posted by : CaliMama on 3/28/2008 at 2:30 PM Flag For Abuse
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Please cat23...if you need a research citation to know that affixing childrens' eyes to a television screen for hours a day is detrimental to the child-parent relationship and thus their development in myriad ways you have either been living in a cave for the past two decades or you're not an attorney I would ever hire to represent me.
I love how those of you defending this woman's decision to let her kid watch tv all day so she can have some free time (not my words, from her article) rail at those of us who find it appalling for "judging." So what if we're judging, human beings do it all the time, every day, everywhere. No one here said she was a monster or a terrible mother. She offered up the article for comment and that's what she's getting.
The fact is we have an epidemic of children getting adult diseases due to being giant fat whales before they're 10 years old. They are failing in school and would rather sit and watch the tube or the computer monitor. Please do not give me the it's the educational system's fault. It's high fructose corn syrup and McDonalds' fault. No, it's the parents' fault. It always is. And is has NOTHING to do with race or class (nice try to insert that tired bs)...and everything to do with how we as adults choose to raise our children. There is no other priority (in my mind) than our kids.
What do YOU recommend to counter-act this? Or...are you okay with it?
I'm not. And my child certainly won't be one of the unfortunate statistics that make us a laughing-stock around the world.
posted by : mrb on 3/28/2008 at 2:36 PM Flag For Abuse
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I can't honestly say I've read all the Bad Parent columns but I kind of feel this column is a parent public service. It's like these writer-parents offer themselves up as a sacrifical lamb to let us judge them and make us feel better about whatever else we might feel we're messing up in our own children's lives. I appreciate that temporary, false sense of superiority.
Also, because some of these things are so extreme - six hours of TV watching has me feeling really hyper - it really helps me refine how I feel about a particular issue. I don't think it's important that we all reach a consensus. What feels important - for me anyway - is that through discussion we can each come to some decisions on what makes sense for us as individuals.
Thanks everyone for sharing your tips. So far I am on the TV avoidance side but I agree that in this Tech age we might almost be doing our children a disservice by not having it at all.
posted by : cocoa on 3/28/2008 at 3:18 PM Flag For Abuse
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I watched TV all the time as a kid. I was a National Merit Scholar, scored a perfect SAT, got a bachelor's degree at 20.
My kids watch TV all the time. When we lived in Seattle, ALL THE TIME. They are bright, engaging, creative, and have great self esteem.
Don't blame the TV.
I also ate tons of sugar cereal and McDonald's cheeseburgers as a child. I'm currently 5'7'' and 115 pounds (after two children). I eat a balanced diet and I read as much as I watch TV.
And I love my mother.
posted by : lauren1982 on 3/28/2008 at 4:04 PM Flag For Abuse
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Here's your medal, lauren1982. You sure deserve it!
posted by : doughrock on 3/28/2008 at 4:18 PM Flag For Abuse
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Ditto everything lauren1982 said about herself. While I think that TV should be used constructively and not as a crutch, I completely disagree with the idea that TV watching automatically makes one vapid and overweight. It IS possible to watch TV and also do other creative things. Many of the comments on here seem like knee-jerk reactions to me. Balance, in all things, is a good way to go. That goes for opinions as well as action.
posted by : lucy335 on 3/28/2008 at 4:24 PM Flag For Abuse
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We watched a lot of TV as children. A lot. We're all pretty successful too. Smart, highly educated, articulate. However. We think our parents did a pretty shitty job raising us, when they bothered, and we don't have a lot of respect for them. We love them, but we think they shouldn't have been parents. All three of us. This is how I make my decision whether or not to let a television raise my child.
posted by : mcglory13 on 3/28/2008 at 6:18 PM Flag For Abuse
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If think that if you want TV to be less accessible to your children, make it less accessible to yourself. It limits the temptation for everyone. The fact that the author has a so many televisions in the house is part of the problem.
But also, there really is a lot of solid research on television and its detrimental effects. I am sure there are plenty of anecdotal stories out there of those that watched oodles of television and turned out fine or even those who went on to be fabulously successful. Thats great, but it doesn't mean watching 6 hours of television is good for your child and it doesn't refute the research. If you want to refute the research, read it. Look into it, start with a google search, see whats out there and if after spending some time educating yourself you can make your own decicisions as a parent. Personnally, I don't always agree with the AAP on everything, but I think their view on television is backed by some pretty solid research.
posted by : Camille on 3/28/2008 at 11:18 PM Flag For Abuse
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Boohbah has saved my ass on occasion, but I can't imagine allowing 6 hours a day. Geezus. A good daycare is better.
posted by : Tracey on 3/29/2008 at 10:49 PM Flag For Abuse
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I too am a writer who works from home, and there have been days when a couple of hours of PBS or a DVD buys me a chunk of time I need to meet a deadline, or do a phone interview, while my toddler is home with me. When he was still taking an afternoon nap, it was less of an issue. But when that went away, I realized TV was not going to solve the problem on a daily basis. Now, my son is in preschool for a couple of hours in the morning -- and he loves it -- and I have a babysitter come for a few hours in the afternoon. That way, I can get some quality work done, and my son gets some quality human interaction, plus outside play time. I'm still "at home" with my son, so I feel this is a healthy compromise. Of course it costs more than the electronic babysitter, but I think our kids are worth it.
posted by : jillian on 3/31/2008 at 11:44 AM Flag For Abuse
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I think the idea that all TV is the same thing, and that's inherently bad, is not correct.
Books are static images; TV is moving images. Some TV is basically a story book that moves. How is it that a child sitting in a corner reading a book is perceived to be a sign you have a little genius, and a child watching high quality tv programming is a fat idiot in the making? This is the result of nostalgia, and media bias.
The reality is that it would not be healthy for a child to read books for 10 hours per day -- children need a wide range of stimulus. For the same reason, watching TV endlessly is not a good idea.
Our son has learned a huge amount from watching TV in his first few years of life -- for instance, at two he could name all the instruments in the orchestra from one of his favorite videos: meet the orchestra. We take him to the Met to listen to a live quartet and he says, "look daddy, it's a cello." He knows that because he watched that video about 50 times.
Clearly six hours per day is too much, i think the writer knows that as well, but 2 hours peperred throughout the day of carefully selected programming? i don't think there is anything wrong with it.
posted by : chattydaddy on 4/1/2008 at 11:50 AM Flag For Abuse
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....I'm sorry....but are you Insane?!....let's dispense with all of the research and opinions and think of it in practical terms of what is going on inside your child's head while they are watching tv....now, imagine what their reaction would be if they were watching, say, one of the first motion pictures of a train speeding at the screen, or one of the scarier scenes from an old horror movie, and you don't think they would run screaming from the tv (wait a minute, thoughts of negative reinforcement are dancing through my head)....if you don't think your child considers tv "real", then let them watch something scary....
....on a lighter note, I'm thinking upstate New York, maybe a backyard....ask yourself this, can they name a bird, a cloud, a tree, a flower, a dog, a car, a sound, a smell, a taste....
....check this out....
http://www.acornnaturalists.com/
....and go for a walk around the neighborhood
posted by : drawnthatway on 4/6/2008 at 12:44 AM Flag For Abuse
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I let my kids watch Sesame Street every day, and sometimes I feel bad when that one hour a day turns into two (because I needed to get something done). I am not anti-TV, but six hours seems really excessive. I think that's pretty awful, no matter what other things a parent has to do.
posted by : Manjari on 5/11/2008 at 8:57 AM Flag For Abuse
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Once again I have to wonder what any child does indoors has to do with anyone else? Who's business is it?
posted by : PamalaLauren on 10/19/2008 at 10:46 PM Flag For Abuse
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You should get a real job and put your kid in daycare. Sitting your kid in front of the TV is not parenting. It isn't even something that a daycare center could get away with.
As for your great at-home career, do you generally write things that are more meaningful than this shallow piece? Is your work making difference in the world that could outweigh the sacrifice of your child's emotional and intellectual health?
I hope your writing career takes off so that you can afford a part-time nanny soon.
posted by : appalled in Pittsburgh on 10/25/2008 at 2:42 PM Flag For Abuse
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Thanks Jeanne! This makes me feel better. We have a video library and I am picky about what's in it, but still feel bad about the sheer time I let them watch on some days. I also use t.v. to extend my sleep (or at least lay-around) time in the mornings, to get a shower, do a little working-from-home BEFORE the baby sitter arrives, etc. and I typically feel guilty about every minute over thirty per day they watch. But guess what? My 3-year old can read at the level of a kid in kindergarten and my baby knows all her letters at 18 months. As long as my kids' all-time favorite activity is still sitting in my lap and reading book-after-book for an hour or more (which also happens daily), I know they're doing just fine.
And I'm sorry so many judgmental comments came your way here. You put yourself out there and deserve appreciation for that.
posted by : Shannon LC Cate on 12/14/2008 at 11:26 PM Flag For Abuse
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I know this thread is super old, but I had to say something.
OK, letting your child watch TV all day is a form of neglect. It may be a necessary or unnecessary one, but neglect nonetheless.
Still, TV is not the evil product in your home that kills brain cells and creates fat teenagers. Guess what? Neither is your phone, or the computer. Maybe the microwave.
It is like anything in life,
"Everything in moderation."
Now, for all those parents trying to explain away their guilt at allowing their children to watch a freakin' hour of TV a week, let alone a day...LET IT GO.
You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. Good parents know they are good parents. If you know, you know (this does not allow for insanity). If you don't, then get a pad of paper and a pen and write down all the reason why you think you are not a good parent. Go over them well and decide which you feel are "your" reasons, then work on changing them. As for those remaining items? Forget them. And the people who put them in your head.
Much love! And, the occasional Elmo fest.
posted by : Seire on 3/30/2009 at 8:49 PM Flag For Abuse
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I have similar feedback as another commenter here. My parents worked opposite shifts so that somebody would be at home with me for the first two years before they could afford day care. At some point during the day my mom, who worked the night shift, would need to sleep. Her solution was to put me in a booster seat in a playpen (so I couldn't get out) and set me in front of PBS. I was always at the top pf my class, didn't have any attention disorders, behavior issues, etc. But, when I hear stories like this, plus kooky things that were the norm in the 70s/80s, like being given cereal at 1 month, cow's milk instead of formula at 3 months (at the pediatrician's advice), and that I was a latchkey kid at 10 years old - I kind of rebel and want to do the exact opposite for my son. I feel like I became the person I am today despite my upbringing, not because of it.
posted by : Late to the party but on 5/29/2009 at 12:37 PM Flag For Abuse
