feedback for "Personal Essay: One Is The Awesomest Number"

1. Children are spoiled for so many reasons--because they're the oldest/youngest/smartest/cutest/only girl or boy. It all depends on how you bring up your child. And I know plenty of families where the siblings are not close. I brush off the questions about "the second one" like all the unsolicited advice I receive as a new mother.

   posted by : Julia Rose on 4/21/2008 at 12:50 AM Flag For Abuse

2. My beautiful daughter turns 2 this Sunday, and I have been struggling with this exact issue. I'm perfectly content with only her, but I can't seem to make the decision final. But do I really want another, or am I supposed to want another? How do I know? And how do I get over the fear of something happening to my only child?
   
   I'm always looking for information about only children that doesn't just talk about the outdated notion that they will be spoiled & anti-social. I'm so glad to have seen this essay - it's been like a "you'll be ok" pat on the back. I know I'll be re-reading it many, many times!

   posted by : Shelley on 4/21/2008 at 9:33 AM Flag For Abuse

3. The arguments about a sibling as a friend ring hollow for me, as do the threats that my DD will be spoiled. My brother and I barely talk and I know plenty of spoiled children who aren't onlies. The looks I get when people ask me "Are you going to have another one" and I reply, "Nope, we're done" are so curious. I love what I have and I'm sure I could love more, but just as a chose to have a child, we're choosing not to have another.

   posted by : Mommychicky on 4/21/2008 at 1:22 PM Flag For Abuse

4. Fear is not a good reason for another baby. I have two boys myself, and go out with them in the car every day. Something could happen to both of them. A baby should not be a replacement in case something happens. If you feel good about your choice, nobody should judge you. It is the fear that needs to be tackled, not the amount of children.

   posted by : Annette on 4/21/2008 at 1:41 PM Flag For Abuse

5. I am a parent of three - Only Children
   Brad (21), My stepson... bounced between our house and his mom's house when ever it suited his mom's work/life schedule.
   Daniel (18), My Son. Lived exclusively with me and Brad's Dad. So he was on his own from 0-4yrs then had Brad barge into his life about 1/2 the time but nothing consistent
   NOW
   We have Alexander. (15 months) His big brothers are more like Uncles. AND his dad is working out of town so Mon-Fri he is an only child with a single parent :)
   
   I was hounded for years that we HAD TO have a baby to tie the two boys together... maybe they were right maybe they weren't who really knows. We didn't want another child. Alex was a very happy mistake and in reality we are in a much better place to parent him now that the boys are basically all grown. And of coarse the peanut gallery is back at it... when are you going to give Alex a baby sister (oh ya, that's the other thing... I apparently HAVE TO HAVE a baby girl ya know!)
   
   As for the fear of something happening to your child.... it doesn't matter if you have 12 kids... the fear never leaves. One of my current "nightmares" is that something awful will happen to Daniel because how could the fates LET me love two wonderful boys as much as I do.

   posted by : rikkicarey on 4/21/2008 at 1:45 PM Flag For Abuse

6. i have a 3 year old, and would only have another kid so she can have a companion... but i could really do without another kid. the one we have now is perfect... oh, and i love sleep. i have too many other things that i want to do with my life. am i supposed to bite the bullet for her "sake"? i HATED being pregnant... but adoption is an option, i guess... i just have too many other things to accomplish. am i supposed to feel bad? because sometimes i do and sometimes i don't.
   
   who knows...

   posted by : busy woman on 4/21/2008 at 2:07 PM Flag For Abuse

7. Amen Sister.
   
   Your article echoed my life so much it was kind of scary. I love my 1yo son, Oscar, and realized soon after his birth that one was enough. I'm 40 and hardly have the energy to run after him let alone two.
   
   I give you a hardy "aye aye" for a well put article.

   posted by : TinaRheinford on 4/21/2008 at 2:35 PM Flag For Abuse

8. I love my kids but often think back at what life would have been if we just stopped with our first. How simple and laid back life would be with my almost 4 year old son. I think it is great that you knew one was enough. I still haven't hit that enough point but I have consttn battle with myself over done not done. I wish my body would stop playing this hormonal game with me and just say enough....lol

   posted by : carlie on 4/21/2008 at 3:01 PM Flag For Abuse

9. I have four, but my husband and I also often think about what life might be like if we'd just had one. I wouldn't trade any of my kids for the world now that they're here and I really do love having a bigger family, but I can definitely see some advantages to having "just one"--it's not a better or worse choice, just a different choice.
   
   I get a lot of comments on the larger end, too. But the strange thing is that when I had two kids, nobody EVER commented on our family size--it was like they saw two kids as the natural perfect size. One was too small (I kept getting asked when I'd have another--and I was still practically a kid), two was just perfect, three was a little odd and four was all-out nuts.

   posted by : Meagan Francis on 4/21/2008 at 3:18 PM Flag For Abuse

10. Thank you!!! I always thought I would want more than one child. I worked in the nursery at church for years and years. I babysat a family of 5 boys. I'm good with kids and I too love them. However, I'm so content with my one beautiful daughter right now that I just really don't know if I do want another one. The last paragraph in your article sums up my exact feelings! She's the one I have been waiting for.

    posted by : lisaloeb7 on 4/21/2008 at 3:44 PM Flag For Abuse

11. Oh, P.S. I'm an only child and I don't know if it's that I think that one is normal. I always said I'd have more than one because growing up I always wanted a sibling but now I don't know. All of my best friends are only children too. I honestly don't think that we're spoiled. We are certainly good people. Sure we don't have someone else to carry the burden when our parents die, but then again, you don't have to fight with your sibling over who gets what. My best friends are my sisters that I never had and I know I'll have shoulders to cry on.

    posted by : lisaloeb7 on 4/21/2008 at 3:46 PM Flag For Abuse

12. Amen, amen, amen!!
    
    I'm an only child of an only child (mom) with an only child. Nothing wrong with it. I wanted my daughter and I got her - and I'm done. Very few people seem to understand that though and it's frustrating. I will, like you do, begin to respond intelligently rather than seething at questions about #2.

    posted by : Kat73 on 4/21/2008 at 4:14 PM Flag For Abuse

13. I'm glad you wrote this... but I find it really terrible that you even have to justify your choice. your choice is great because it's right for you. the end. why can't people mind their own business.

    posted by : sfmom on 4/21/2008 at 4:16 PM Flag For Abuse

14. Amen. Exactly. Yes. You said it perfectly and spoke my heart.
    When people ask me about #2, I tell them, "if I get pregnant, everyone will know it was by accident. I'd still be happy, but..." (I THINK I'd be happy..) I had a wonderful pregnancy, a wonderful birth experience and a wonderful little girl. I really can't ask for more. I'm full! My heart is full! Instead, I wish this pleasure on others. So I can hold THEIR baby when visiting. I always wanted to be a mother. Now I am...
    
    What she said.

    posted by : awnja on 4/21/2008 at 7:12 PM Flag For Abuse

15. Haha... people are so judgemental when it comes to family size. If one is right for you, then go for it. My husband is the oldest of 8 and I'm the oldest of 5 and I know our mothers heard lots of comments like "Don't you know what causes that?" and "Ever hear of birth control?"
    
    We have two now and are thinking of going for three and being done. But we might be done at two. The point is, you have to do what's right for you and no one else! There's no way in hell I could have 5 or 8 kids like our moms!

    posted by : big family mommy on 4/21/2008 at 8:19 PM Flag For Abuse

16. Here I am, almost 46 years old, exhausted (but generally happy) with 2 gorgeous boys - almost 4 and 16 months - I had my first at 42 and we were thrilled to have a healthy child at that age and, because I'm from a family of 8 and honestly could not fathom a world without siblings for my guy, we decided to try for 1 year for another (our first took years to conceive...). Of course I got pregnant right away and along came Devil-Boy (and that it is said with great love and endearment) but oh my heavens, what a year we had - I was 44 and felt ready for the grave. Now, watching those 2 together is unbelievable - but there were times when I held my screaming, writhing ball of fire and snapped at my first that I truly regretted our decision (momentarily). People now ask me when I'm having a girl. Even when I give them my best Meryl Streep "you can't be serious" look and tell them my age, they still think I HAVE to have a girl. And I tell them the truth - I'm very happy with my boys and am getting too damn old to go through again what I just went through. Your decision is your decision, period. I think people just love the thought and idea of babies - the promise and excitement makes people forget all the work and the lifelong commitment. So maybe they all mean well in a nosy, pushy kind of way...

    posted by : Lisaloo on 4/21/2008 at 8:28 PM Flag For Abuse

17. I'm an only child and grew up very lonely BUT I was the only child of the whole family (no cousins) and I grew up in a neighborhood with virtually no other kids near my age. My husband was also an only child and had neither of those problems so had lots of other kids around for companionship. We have one child, nearly 2 now, and are trying for a second--but that's our choice (and yes, the fear thing has crossed my mind too but that's not my main reason).
    
    I think how many children you have is just as much a personal decision as whether or not you have any at all. And it's no one else's business to comment on that choice. The important thing is that however many children you do have, that they're happy and healthy.

    posted by : raincitykitty on 4/21/2008 at 8:30 PM Flag For Abuse

18. If my parents stopped at one, I wouldn't exist, and if they stopped at two, I would of went insane. My sister and I (15 months apart) fought our entire lives, but I love love love my baby brother (18 years old now), and can't imagine life without him.
    
    Also, my mom has 2 siblings who each had 3 kids; and my dad has a sister who had 2 kids. I love my cousins, and I love HAVING cousins. Words can't explain the wonderful feeling of having a full family. Also, my husband has a large extended family and we love all his cousins, aunts & uncles. Again, I can't explain it, but I love seeing my cousins (some just a couple times a year) and hearing about their lives. I just love having such extended families.
    
    While not yet a mother, I would like to have 3, in the same way my mother did. Two close together, then wait a few years, and have another!

    posted by : ErinInTN on 4/21/2008 at 10:04 PM Flag For Abuse

19. I want to add..
    
    I don't take birth control just because it's right for ME. Stopping at one is good for everyone around me. Granted I was open to having two and have found great satisfaction in one, but there's also the issue of limited resources.. I'm a SAHM and my husband has a modest income. I wouldn't want to have to work if I had another. I like that we can save for our child's college. I like that dh and I are saving for retirement. I like having some money left for charity. I like that my contribution to overpopulation is minimal. I like that we can live in a small house and that we use little energy and grow a lot of our own food. Having an only child doesn't just make me happy. It's consistent with my values.
    
    I had an issue with depriving her of siblings for a while because I couldn't imagine a childhood without them. But then I realized that no matter what I do, her childhood will be different than mine and that's OK. I babysit to give her the opportunities that siblings bring and I've gotten to hear her argue and compromise and create pretend worlds with her peers. As an adult, I still love my siblings, but I don't see them much and they are not the ones I lean on in hard times. We make relationships and find our own support networks as adults. She will too.

    posted by : awnja on 4/21/2008 at 10:16 PM Flag For Abuse

20. I agree with sfmom: it sucks that you have to rationalize your choice to others. People need to get their noses out of our uteruses.
    
    For the record, it never stops. If you have a second kid, and he also happens to be your second boy, then people expect you to "try for a girl." Garrr!

    posted by : Doppelganger on 4/22/2008 at 12:56 AM Flag For Abuse

21. I think one child is a beautiful thing. More than one strikes me as even more so, at least for my wife and me. Our view is no doubt colored by the fact that we are both very close with our siblings. I don't think the arguments about siblings as friends during childhood are very persuasive -- yes it's nice, but kids are adaptable, and there are thousands of different kinds of beautiful childhood. The time I think siblings are most valuable is when your parents become crazy in their old age, as so many do, and then later when our parents leave us. But hopefully only children learn to create strong bonds with cousins and friends weather those life stages with as much support as the rest of us.

    posted by : chattydaddy on 4/22/2008 at 9:09 AM Flag For Abuse

22. I thought briefly if it was really really bad that we were only having one child ever (we might adopt eventually, but another birth child is not in the plans). Then I saw an episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 where they took each child out all alone with just their parents. They talked about how awesome it was to just spend time with each child individually and make them feel special. That's the feeling my child gets EVERY DAY. How can I feel guilty about that? I really don't feel like I need to justify having only one child, but I hate when people use the sibling issue. My daughter has 6 cousins, one of which is only 2 years older then her. I have 5 other siblings and only speak to 2 of them. One only online and the last time he visited me we almost got into a fight. Everyone claims I will change my mind, but I didn't plan on having the child I have now, so that's doubtful.

    posted by : dhsredhead on 4/22/2008 at 9:57 AM Flag For Abuse

23. boy oh boy, can i ever relate... married at 37, threw the pills away on the honeymoon, pregnant 3 months later, son born at 38. whew! and its my husband who has hesitated w/ the vasectomy. dh is 7 years younger than i am and would LOVE another baby. i, on the other hand, can taste a bit of freedom right around the corner, i love, love, love my only child but he takes all my energy, all my time and all my love. selfish? oh, well. and, yes- i get that shocked look all the time when i say i don't want another- esp. since we moved into the deep south where large families abound. i leave the later-in-life large families to the celebs w/ nannies (hello, Julia!, etc) and cherish my happy little family for all its worth! oh, and when people snark at me with a"he'll be spoiled", i snark back "that's what i had him for"!

    posted by : lilacskin on 4/22/2008 at 10:53 AM Flag For Abuse

24. I'm having another in a few months, but my children will be almost four years apart for some of the same reasons that you mentioned stopping at one. Namely, I like enjoying that baby/toddler time. We thought about stopping at one for a long time...and then the first actually started sleeping at night, once he was almost three.
    
    Far better to stop at one, then have babies because you think you "should". ANd there's no rule that siblings will get along, like each other, or even not grow into useless junkies (which negates the "someone to take care of you in your old age" argument).
    
    I got a lot of flak for not having another sooner. Apparently children only play with those less that two years in age difference, according to some people, but I don't care. Who even knows if they'll like each other? I'm not having another for him, I'm doing it for me and daddy.
    
    Of course, I could go up to four, but with at least three years between each. One danger mouse at a time, please...
    
    -Ella

    posted by : EllaAnne on 4/22/2008 at 1:38 PM Flag For Abuse

25. Thank you for so eloquently writing what I've been trying to put into words myself. I have a little girl who's almost four and she's wonderful. I had a real good pregnancy and her delivery was almost perfect (ended up with a c-section at the last minute). She's smart, sweet and everything I've wanted. I'm able to stay home with her and watch her grow. My husband and I are truly blessed. Reading your words and knowing I'm not alone in thinking this way will help me let go of the guilt.
    
    Thank you!!
    
    Vilmis

    posted by : Vilmis on 4/23/2008 at 2:19 PM Flag For Abuse

26. People are just not that talented in the 'making conversation' department and often "when will you have another" is the best they can come up with. When I was single, people asked my mom why I didn't have a boyfriend. When I had a boyfriend, they wanted me married. When married, they wanted me to reproduce - and so on. Frankly 90% of them really don't care, they're just not creative enough to discuss something more meaningful... so I try not to take it too seriously. There are the occasional truly pushy ones, but usually dotty old women I can cut some slack.
    
    By the way, I am an only, and not much spoiled, but in marriage have realized that I was set in my ways by the time I married at 35 and had my only at 38. Similar to another poster, exhaustion set in at mere thought of a second at my age, and that's the excuse I usually give to the questions - though I shouldn't have to excuse my decision... I was blessed with a healthy, funny, brilliant son, who I try not to be unhealthily attached to. But I adore him, and cherish the alone time we have. I'm so in love with my kid, that I do sometimes harbor that fear, "but I don't have a back up" but can't live in fear. In past year have "adopted" or been adopted by an older neighbor child, and am grateful that with only one child of our own, we have the time and resources to be part of the village this kid needs. He also gives my son the useful experience of learning how to deal with conflict and not always get his way, although in this day and age, most of our kids get that experience at day care or preschool.
    
    It's great to see comments from so many moms like myself who are happy with their choice of one, and not spending too much emotional effort in second guessing the rightness of their decisions. By the way, God Bless the Choice we have in this country, and don't forget to support family planning agencies such as Planned Parenthood who help make it possible for one and all!

    posted by : Allison on 4/24/2008 at 1:44 AM Flag For Abuse

27. When asked when my mother was going to have another child, she would answer -- I have a perfect child, why do I need another?
    
    I don't regret being an only child, in fact, I LOVE it. My parents were able to do things with me that they could have never done if I had siblings.
    
    Some people say that their siblings are so very important to them and couldn't imagine life without them and I certainly appreciate that. But I don't miss what I never had. I know so many people who don't even speak to their siblings, so just because a child has siblings doesn't mean they're going to like each other.
    
    I have no desire to have another baby. None. Not one teeny bit. I adore my 1 yo child. And I never want to go through this again. I want to sleep.

    posted by : Michelle on 4/24/2008 at 2:58 PM Flag For Abuse

28. I have a 10 month old and what I worry about is not what if something happens to her, but what if something happens to us? Where does that leave her? She has cousins and extended family that she is close to, but nothing that would bind her to our family unit in the absence of us.
    
    And I'm not just talking about untimely demise. As my own parents age, I am ever grateful for my siblings. As an only child, will my daughter bear the full burden when my husband and I are old?

    posted by : mamom on 4/24/2008 at 4:19 PM Flag For Abuse

29. Kids are shaped by many forces. Many. Family size is just one of probably thousands of things that will create future adults. I get so tired of the stereotypes on both ends of the spectrum.
    
    I happen to have four - and they're all marvelous individuals. Instead of hearing "When are you going to have another?" I get to hear "Are you done now?" or "You DO know what birth control is, right?"

    posted by : Jen Magnuson on 4/24/2008 at 7:55 PM Flag For Abuse

30. I was in awe when I read this article, which basically says the same thing that a post I created on my own blog just a few days before this came out. http://marie-evelaforte.blogspot.com/2008/04/only-child-dilemma.html
    
    It feels good to realize that other people have exactly the same concerns as I have at the same time, I guess this is what this website is all about, providing a sense of community with other parents who like to think that the unconventional route sometimes works best for them.
    
    I have a 15-month old and this is a loaded topic for me. I really feel like I should want another, but when I listen to my inner voice I just don't. Will I shush my own voice and have another just so that he is not alone, or will I dare to let things stay how they are now, which I find absolutely perfect...?

    posted by : Marie Eve on 4/25/2008 at 1:55 PM Flag For Abuse

31. I have 3 children, 2 boys and 1 girl. I had my first at 27, almost 28, and had waited a lifetime to be a mom. I had my second, a daughter, when the first was 25 months old, and me almost 30. That was hard. She didn't like to nap during the day, but she slept wonderfully through the night from around 6 weeks of age. It was apparently hard enough that I didn't want another one immediately and, in fact, neither of us even mentioned it really for a couple of years. I used to joke with my husband about a third, to which he would reply "No way!" lol. He wanted a vasectomy, but as time went on, that joking' wasn't so much of a joke any longer. I wasn't dead serious about trying, but if he would've agreed, I would've done it.
    
    When my second was 6 years of age, we were surprised with #3. Number 3 was such a joy in every single way and just seemlessly blended into our family (barring his naptimes falling during sports practice and game times). I have never been so thankful as I was for him -- knowing he was my last, I relished in every single moment we had. Suddenly rocking a fussy baby during my favorite show wasn't an inconvenience, it was treasured, and I more than willingly rocked him to sleep for every single nap and bedtime he had, having to hold him upright due to a stuffy nose wasn't so bad either--suddenly just staring at those rounded cheeks in the dark was wonderful. We still do rock from time to time, at 2.5 years, but he is soo big.
    
    I feel like with your first, you have such a strong desire to do what's best for them, by the book, so to speak, that you almost don't get to enjoy it -- you wind up trying to figure out how to get a shower, get some sleep, cook yourself something to eat, how to feed them right, lay them in bed right, trying ot figure out what every cry means, etc. to where you feel almost frazzled just because of those reasons. I'm an organizational freak and working a baby in threw a glitch into my "flow." Don't get me wrong, hubby and I are the biggest kids ever ourselves and people used to comment how they'd never seen 2 parents enjoy a child so much (with our first), but it was an adjustment nonetheless.
    
    When I had the second, whoo boy. I was now appreciating all of the time I didn't think I had with the first that I was suddenly shown had really been available to me. It was a glaring difference and made me sorry I hadn't appreciated all of that time more with only 1. The upside and most memorable is how much she loved her older brother and how much he loved her (after the first few days home when he couldn't figure out why some habits I had established with him could not occur as usual due to the new baby). She would sit next to him and stare at him all day long if she could. She used to laugh as he took a bite of some food. She adored him. As she grew, they often snuggled each other just because they were close. People used to comment at how cute they were and ask "Do they always do that?" (as they walked in public hand in hand. Now they are 8 and 10, and although they still play well together, they have those miserable-married-couple moments, which will pass.
    
    Even with such a big difference between my second and my third, which is definitely easier as far as communicating with multiple children (2-y/o's aren't that great at it and still require a lot of attention), I could suddenly see how much time I had available to me with only 2 that I took for granted and did not take advantage of. I'm almost 40, and my last is 2.5 years old. I wish I could give my daughter a sister, because I can't imagine life without my 3 sisters - (we fought like cats and dogs through our adolescence, but as mature adults, we have found the best ear to bend whenever we need to,) plus they know why I'm crazy in MY way, and I understand why they are "crazy in THEIR way. I couldn't ask for a bigger feeling of support, and I hope and wish the same for my 3 kids.
    
    As for people asking that question, I think they just get excited about a new baby coming, period. I know that I just LOVE when other people have babies. Maybe they ask because they are so close with their siblings and can't imagine life without them that they think all sibling relationships turn out that way. I think they don't mean to be disrespectful.

    posted by : Chrissy34 on 4/29/2008 at 12:04 AM Flag For Abuse

32. I LOVE this article. Thanks so much. I struggle with this often. We are 90% set on one (husband is 100% set on it), but I can't seem to make it "official", as you say. It's so hard to find positive and upbeat articles about only children. I love the tone of this and will be coming back to read it again, when my confidence wanes. Thank-you!

    posted by : smom on 5/2/2008 at 5:22 PM Flag For Abuse

33. Great article - and wonderful feedback from everyone. I have grappled with this issue for four years now; not a day goes by that I don't ask myself (at least a million times) whether a second child would be a good thing for our family. We have a great son who is challenging, exhausting, hilarious and brilliant. There are days that I can't imagine "sharing" him with another child, and there are days I think "why not?".
    
    It's funny that fear seems to be a driving force for the author (and some posters) for having a second kid - to me, fear is the motivator to STOP at one. Fear of having a child with autism. Fear of constantly comparing my children to each other. Fear of sibling rivalry. Fear of sleepless nights. Fear of getting fat. Fear of losing my "me" time, or special one on one time with each child, or time with my husband.
    
    Anyone else feel this way? For those of you with more than one child, did these fears dissipate. If they were realized, were they just not that big of a deal once #2 or 3 or 4 came along?

    posted by : Mommasnark on 5/2/2008 at 8:01 PM Flag For Abuse

34. I'm with you! Just one for us too. As for the "what if something happens to her question," which I have also heard: To me it's bizarre to even think that another child could make up for the loss of one. That seems to me totally unrealistic, heartless, and absurd. A second child is not an insurance policy against the first. If something happened to my child nothing would make up for it. Nothing, and no one. I agree with the woman who said fear shouldn't encourage a person to have another baby. Nor should the perfunctory need to provide a sibling. When you have a child you don't know what you're getting, but you certainly aren't "providing" something for someone else. Nothing can be taken for granted and nobody knows what the "magic number" is when it comes to kids. All you can know--you hope--is your own intentions and desires. The rest is irrelevant.

    posted by : crabmommy on 5/11/2008 at 1:53 AM Flag For Abuse

35. I only have one too! She seven and perfect in my eyes of course. I got the little comments when she was younger as well. When are you having another? & so on. But what I thought was alot of busybodies then was nothing compared to what I got when she went to school! You should see the looks I get when they realise she the only one I have. They either look disgusted or give me the eyes full of pity! It's really something to think that little old me & my only child has put such a bee in their bonnets!! Partly it's because of where we live. A small very religious town where it's nothing unusual to see people with 5 or even (yikes!) 7!! So I guess it's only natural for them to think something is wrong with me! Personally I think maybe they are daydreaming of how nice it must be! I don't have to divide myself between kids. I can go to every ballet class, concert, soccer game, class party & so forth because I don't have another to drop off somewhere or a baby at home. I'm sorry but I don't look with envy at the lady in the store with three kids going in different directions, a baby in the front of the cart crying and the toddler hanging from her leg saying please mommy! All I think when I see this is Thank God that's not me!! So I will continue to cross my fingers, or maybe it should be my legs and hope that my one and only stays that way!!

    posted by : smalltownmom on 5/12/2008 at 11:14 AM Flag For Abuse

36. After many years on the infertility roller coaster, I got a call in the dead of night about a baby about to be born that no one wanted. My husband and I were not signed up with an agency, we had just been telling everyone who would listen that we wanted to adopt. It worked.
    
    We have had our son since he was 8 hours old. I think he is about as perfect as a 2 1/2 year old can be. Sometimes, I miss the onesies, bottles, and coos, but then I remember the lack of sleep, teething, and fear of SIDS (how many times did I get up to check breathing?). I love him with all my heart. He is my gift, which, oddly enough looks like a perfect blend of my husband and I. I get "custom ordered baby" jokes all the time. He was custom ordered, by a lot of prayers. Someone listened, and I haven't asked for anything since (oh, except for potty training patience).

    posted by : happyone on 5/19/2008 at 5:13 PM Flag For Abuse

37. Mommasnark - I'm with you on the "fear" thing. For me, part of it relates to the fact that my daughter was a premie and we had a bit of a rough ride at the start, and I don't think I could face that again. My daughter also has a chronic medical condition that adds a constant, baseline level of stress and a huge increase in what needs to be 'done' and arranged. Part of it, though, is deeper - the fear that I'd feel hopelessly torn in two, the fear that I couldn't be as close to another child as I am to my daughter, the fear that I'd end up resenting one child or the other for the loss of what we have now. I realize some of this sounds irrational, and mothers from time immemorial have dealt with these issues and gone on to have other kids, but I've chosen to stop at one.

    posted by : momofone on 5/31/2008 at 12:28 AM Flag For Abuse

38. I'm only 22 and my son will be 3 in September. I have no desire to have another child at all. When I was my son's age, my sister was five months old already and I have NO IDEA how my mum did it. Honestly, my son is high-maintenance enough as it is, without throwing a totally helpless newborn into the mix.
    
    I like that my son has me all to himself. He doesn't have to share me, I don't have to split my time between him and another child. I am getting enough sleep and now he's potty trained, most of the yuck factor of babies is gone. It *works*.
    
    I have told my boyfriend (who incidentally is not my son's father) that if he wants a child in the future, I'll consider it. My uterus is effectively in his hands; I honestly don't care one way or the other. The only stipulation I have is that my son be four or five years old before we think about it... and that I get ultimate veto power of course!

    posted by : Ghostlove on 7/2/2008 at 3:29 PM Flag For Abuse

39. I have just 1 daughter. She is my whole world and means everything to me. I love her more than I ever thought I could love somebody. I always wanted a huge family, six or seven little ones running around. I grew up in a large family and wanted my kids to have that same feeling of love and laughter that fills the air when you have alot of children in the house. When I got pregnant in 2001, I was not ready for a baby. I wasn't married, had just got out of a bad relationship, and I was unemployed. Then I felt the baby move. It was the most wonderful thing in the world. So, here she is, almost 7 now and the center of my world. She asks me all the time if she is ever going to have a sister or brother. She wants 2 sisters and 3 brothers, and I have no idea why! What I tell her is this, I can't have anymore because God only wanted me to have you. As for the comments about having more, I ignore them. Not everybody needs to have more than one baby. I thought I couldn't live without a house full of children, I thought wrong.

    posted by : ShelBell11978 on 7/9/2008 at 4:26 PM Flag For Abuse

40. Wow, it's so scary that I read this today. My husband and I had this conversation yesterday the way home from a weekend away with our daughter. We just said we don't know if we are cut out to have more than one child. We love our daughter more than life and would change nothing , but I can't see us having another one and starting all over again. Now, she is only 8.5 months old, and she is a great baby, but I can't think of going back to the sleepless nights, spit up, all the "stuff" you need take with you and running after a toddler. We both work full time and pretty much enjoy our careers. I also feel like I have an equal amount of time to spend with my husband. Unlike a lot of our friends, we are very happy and it was a very hard adjustment of not having "our" time, even if it was going out and grabbing dinner on a whim. Our family feels complete with our daughter. I am an only child and never really had any issues with it, my husband is 1 of 4 and he doesn't even speak to have of them. It's all a personal choice, however, it's funny, when I say that I don't think we want another , people look at me like I just said I wanted to sell our kid on ebay or something. It's actually annoying.
    
    Only time will tell, we will see what happens!

    posted by : Delaware Mom on 8/4/2008 at 1:44 PM Flag For Abuse

41. I'm an only child, but my cousins were surrogate siblings to me.  I'm 32 and I still see two of my cousins as my "little brothers."  I'm now a mom of an 11-week old boy and I had such a miserable, horrid pregnancy (including hyperemesis gravidarum and SPD) there's no way I'm going through that again.  My husband doesn't want me to go through it again either.  
    
    When well-meaning people predict I'll forget and want another, I simply tell them, "If we decide we want another, we'll adopt.  There are plenty of children who need good homes."

    posted by : ambalish on 2/23/2009 at 4:30 PM Flag For Abuse

42. I always find it telling, when people say that an only child whose parents die will be "all alone" in the world with "no family."  My son has 8 cousins who provide all the benefits of siblings, with few of the negatives.  He enjoys the camaraderie and competition, but they do not torture each other as my siblings and husband's siblings did in our own families, and at the end of the day, we go back to our small family environment.
    
    I feel we are much more family-oriented than those with 2 or 3 kids who complain that our only child will be "all alone."  That's only true if you have a very narrow view of family (excludes cousins, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, and in-laws).  We have a very wide view of family, and consider all of our many family members to be a key part of our child's life.  He will never be alone, even after we are gone.
    
    Beautiful article.  Congrats on your lovely family.

    posted by : Mom to one on 4/16/2009 at 10:04 PM Flag For Abuse