It seems my mom's main goal in life was to remain thin, pretty much her only object of self-worth. Even now in her mid-fifties, she's obsessed with her figure and every one else's. She's skin and bones and looks awful, because let's admit it, the thin look doesn't age well. I'm 132 pounds and only 6 pounds heavier than pre-pregnancy, but she still has that smirk when she looks at me. Everyone thinks she has cancer but since apparently we can never clearly see ourselves, she believes she never looked better.
I did start dieting when I was 12 and 112 pounds, because hey, that's what you do, right? And spent my whole youth feeling inadequate, wasting this perfectly good, healthy, and yes, good-looking body I had. Before having enough in my late-twenties and deciding to break that terrible, and most importantly completely useless, cycle.
I don't diet anymore, and I don't obsess either, because frankly, life is about other things, especially when you're a mom. Still, because of that aspect I have to admit that I was very much relieved to have a boy. Little girls generally do not have other examples than their mothers to learn how to be a woman. You are responsible for your own behavior, and what you unconsciously teach them.
I know eating disorders are real and persistent and terrible, but whatever you have to do to get rid of them, you must. It's not that I don't understand your struggle, but it's too important! I know I don't have to worry about that but if I had a girl, raising a balanced, healthy, confident person who does not have a completely screwed up relationship with food and her body would be the most important thing I'd ever have to do! Maybe I'm taking this way too personally, but I feel it's our responsibility to liberate the next generation of women from all this hellish circle of negativity and anguish...
