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Bravo. I'll more or less repeat what I said after the "sexpert" Logan Levkoff article. She said slang denies women the opportunity to feel good about their bodies. I think that's crap. Slang for male and female parts is as old as time, and probably serves some useful function - maybe making sex a little more approachable and less taboo, or maybe making it a little more taboo and more enticing. Who knows? But I do know that giving up our four-letter Anglo Saxon heritage in favor of some lame Latinized crap doesn't make anybody more comfortable. It just makes them more "proper." Not that I'm about to go the Oprah route, but hey - she gets to choose her words, and I get to choose mine. Not the sexperts.
posted by : catmom on 8/7/2008 at 1:17 AM Flag For Abuse
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In our house, it's called the "snooch."
posted by : Momofbeans on 8/7/2008 at 6:49 AM Flag For Abuse
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It's funny to me that you feel this way... I feel sillier using the slang words. I worked in a (pretty classy) sex shop for years, and it was so much easier to say penis and vagina, because while you never know which words will be offensive to some people, you can always argue that the biological, scientific name for a body part is not.
posted by : silly grownups on 8/7/2008 at 8:44 AM Flag For Abuse
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My three year old insists that when she grows up she'll get a penis like her older brother. When I make a list of things I never thought I was going to say in my life I think "No honey, girls can't grow a penis" was probably right up there. www.aftercancernowwhat.wordpress.com
posted by : aftercancer on 8/7/2008 at 1:15 PM Flag For Abuse
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The funny thing about the insistance that we use the correct terms for body parts is that the very word "vagina" is misleading, since most kids are interested on the part they can SEE. Which is the vulva. ANd I, for one, think the real names are icky, and I also think that my daughter will not grow up to hate her body if we have our own private family words for private parts.
posted by : LeighS on 8/7/2008 at 1:23 PM Flag For Abuse
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My mom reports that when I was two years old, my pediatrician was putting my pants back on after a check-up, and I firmly said, "Excuse me. You're hurting my vulva."
I guess I grew up in a different sort of house from the author's.
posted by : meg on 8/7/2008 at 1:37 PM Flag For Abuse
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We always said bippy. Then, we had a boy and we used the word "penis" mostly because I loved the way it made my sister cringe every time we said it.
Amy
Mom to 3
www.sofiabean.com
posted by : AmyE on 8/7/2008 at 2:42 PM Flag For Abuse
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I think that clinical language is, well, clinical. I refer to a "butt" or "rear," not a gluteus maximus, we ask if you need to go "potty" (not do you need to defecate), but suddenly when we're talking vaginas...or as another reader pointed out, really vulvas, its a political feminist child's self-esteem issue? Sorry, don't buy it.
My mom taught me the word vagina early on, enlightened hippie that she was...and looked genuinely dismayed when I recently pointed out that wasn't even the anatomically correct word. Each to her own, I say.
And my daughter will eventually learn that a "scale" is something you use to weigh yourself, something you play on a musical instrument, and something on a fish, too. So I see no reason why it would confuse her that there are different names for the same part of the body.
In our house, we use "special girl parts" and "special boy parts" for now because it sums up all the parts and recognizes the gender difference without making it silly. But if you use silly words, so what? My daughter also thinks the word "butt" is hysterical.
I wrote a blog post but did not publish out of fear of it one day embarrassing my daughter, but I'm sure glad someone said it!
posted by : CaliMama on 8/7/2008 at 2:52 PM Flag For Abuse
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i think it is simply ridiculous that a person would teach their children that they have a cha cha, hoo hoo, or whatever other idiotic name for a body part they dream up.
children are honest and a parent should be too.
posted by : Smirk on 8/7/2008 at 2:52 PM Flag For Abuse
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Since when is using a nickname/slang dishonest?
posted by : snatch on 8/7/2008 at 3:06 PM Flag For Abuse
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You know, you don't "have to" perform circumcision. Take it from this Jewish mom who chose not to snip her son.
posted by : Some chick on 8/7/2008 at 3:07 PM Flag For Abuse
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My daughter is five, almost six. From before potty training, we knew of her girl parts as her "cha" or "cha-cha". Of course, now, she's at an age where she's learning other words, some of them more slang-y and inappropriate than I'd wish for her to have to learn, but... this is life, and when she discusses her female parts, it is still her cha. And I've created an open atmosphere, as I am sure the author has, in making the situation comfortable for her daughter to ask questions. The beauty of it all in a child's mind is that as a child is thirsty for more knowledge, a child isn't afraid/ embarrassed or scared to ask questions and learn all the squeamish details, as long as the parents are open to the conversations as well. I'm very confident that as my daughter outgrows the innocence of the young years, her "cha-cha" will again change names, but atleast she's not walking around calling her parts her "C U N{ext} T{uesday}"
posted by : mommatoagirlwithachacha on 8/7/2008 at 3:31 PM Flag For Abuse
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my son calls it a peen or penis. My daughter we just cal it a peenie. When in public it sounds much better then blurting out vagina or penis. I mena in social setting do you talk straight up about a penis or vagina? I think the majority of kids come up with slang names no matter what you teach them. I think people stuck on correct anatomy must be pretty boring and uncreative. I love nicknames.
posted by : carlie on 8/7/2008 at 4:11 PM Flag For Abuse
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Our house it's a weiner and a jay-jay - and we like it that way!
And to "Some chick" sounds like the doctor was trying to be cute and good for you for making your own personal choice. I do hope you repect others who have made theirs.
posted by : LisaAW on 8/7/2008 at 4:37 PM Flag For Abuse
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I still have to stifle an embarrassed giggle when I recall the day my 3 year old son turned onto his head to try and take a look at what mommy had between her legs instead of a penis. And the time he loudly announced at the swanky restaurant in the Banff Springs Hotel to his 16 year old cousin HEY JADE, DID YOU KNOW THAT MY MOMMY DOES NOT HAVE A PENIS... What gives me pause in this discussion is that so many people are now so concerned about what the EXPERTS say about everything. I think it takes some of the joy and individuality out of carving your own family traditions and style - we use a bit of my family traditions, a bit of my husbands, and we do some things our own way - what feels right to us as individuals and a couple - a couple with a couple of kids. In other words, our own family with our own unique way of expressing ourselves and raising our boys - and we use a combination of words. Personally, I could never drive a Volvo because of the name - we all have words that bother us and guess which one I cannot abide. By the way, I grew up with Petunia and Petoody in a house of 5 girls and 3 boys, and we all figured it out okay...
posted by : Lisaloo on 8/7/2008 at 7:44 PM Flag For Abuse
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wow, I'm shocked that people think calling the hoo-ha (that's what we call it) a cha-cha is "dishonest". I can promise you that I have more honest conversations with my kids than most parents, and if I want to use a silly name for a serious body part, that's my choice. what's with all the judgment? I'm with Lisaloo regarding respecting other family's traditions. to the writer - you keep doing what you're doing!
and for the record, my kids called my breasts "milkies" when they were breastfeeding. I cringed very time I heard kids say to their mom's, "I want boobie."
posted by : sfwork on 8/7/2008 at 8:26 PM Flag For Abuse
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I grew up with "potty area." So far I have (I must admit) avoided the issue with my toddler and preschooler daughters and just refer to the whole dang area as their "bottom." And my husband is pretty discreet. But each of our daughters has walked in on him at least once. One of them then informed me that Daddy had a "tail," and the other one that Daddy had a "snake." And I HATE "boob" or "boobie," used by anyone, adult or child. In our house those things are "breasts" and that doesn't bother me, but we have a difficult time envisioning "penis" and "vagina." Much less "vulva"!!!
posted by : Kathy on 8/7/2008 at 8:52 PM Flag For Abuse
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Our daughter knows the word "vagina" and will occasionally use it as the counterpart to "penis," but the conversational word around here for vagina is absolutely "bottom," as in "Mommy, this underwear is itching my bottom." If she has to yell something in public--and she did, last week--far better this than "VAGINA"!!
posted by : Sheri on 8/7/2008 at 9:23 PM Flag For Abuse
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My little girl (age 3) has a "hoo hoo" and a "bottom."
The other day in the bath ("Hoo hoos are for bathtime") she was rummaging around all up in her "lady business" (as my old 4H leader calls it), started giggleing and said, "Mommy, there's a ladybug in there!!!"
Which is about the cutest euphemism for clitoris I've ever heard....
posted by : cattypex on 8/7/2008 at 10:14 PM Flag For Abuse
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Believe it or not, cutesy names for the penis or vagina are just plain silly. If anything these names are less sexual and controversial then their slang counterparts (think of a 4 letter word that is the name of our vice president). Using the proper words is the beginning of important sex education lesson, children need to learn these words so if they are abused they can tell someone accurately what happened without gray area on what "bottom" or "cha cha" really means. Additionally if a parent can't break the silence on the words penis and vagina, how will they break the silence on drugs use and birth control? Also very important lessons we should teach our children. Not saying breast? That's just insane. They sell chicken breasts at the grocery store. Not much controversy there. Cleavage is what happens when you wear a shirt that is too low, not a good name for the mammary glands.
posted by : dhsredhead on 8/7/2008 at 10:16 PM Flag For Abuse
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I used to call my vagina my "frunny", as in it's in front. Ha! It's funny now. But I had boys, so that didn't get passed on.
With my older one, "penis" just seemed so grown-up and clinical. I just couldn't call it a "penis" so we called it his "peepers." By the time he was about 3, though, we made the shift to "penis", which is what his younger brothers have always called theirs.
Whatever, they're just words.
posted by : k8 on 8/7/2008 at 11:39 PM Flag For Abuse
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Ladybug! Cattypex, I applaud your daughter - that is a gift for metaphor!
Dhsredhead, you're obviously free to like the Latin. But before you decide that everybody else's approach is silly, I hope you have some time to read up on why the language of the educated upper class became the only correct way (or as you say, "the proper words") to speak about parts and acts for which the masses already had their own vernacular.
posted by : catmom on 8/8/2008 at 1:39 AM Flag For Abuse
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My best friend's mom called referred to the vagina as "poon-tang." I'm not kidding. My mother taught me the proper names and I embarrassed her by using them as often as possible in public. Either way, I don't care. Vagina, bajango, cha-cha, whatever. I think some of us are taking this a little too seriously. Not everything has to be a big issue. I don't hear of too many audlt women going to the gyno and complaining about "cha-cha" pain. I'm sure it all works out in the end.
posted by : ShaLO on 8/8/2008 at 7:24 AM Flag For Abuse
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If you are incapable of even muttering the word vagina, I can imagine your sex talk with the kid is going to be poor to non-existent. Say hello to "but I thought you couldn't get pregnant standing up!" grandbabies.
If you cringe every time you try to talk about "that area" then your kid learns it's something to be ashamed of. This isn't rocket surgery people.
Also, if you didn't want to be embarrassed in public, you shouldn't have had kids. It's just what they do.
posted by : eyeroll on 8/8/2008 at 11:20 AM Flag For Abuse
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Whatever, man. We grew up calling it "the tulip" and I was Phi Beta Kappa in college, I speak 4 languages fluently, and have never gotten pregnant by way of some misunderstanding about how babies are made (ie: "but I thought you couldn't get pregnant standing up!"
The familiar saying "an ounce of pretention is worth a pound of manure" comes to mind.
posted by : TulipOwner on 8/8/2008 at 1:20 PM Flag For Abuse
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Having boys has been easy on the labeling issues. They don't ask many questions about body parts just yet. In our house it's penis and vagina (so that they get the names right) but also "the business", "vadge", "wee wee", etc. The 3 and 4 year old have never seemed confused or concerned. We're pretty straight up with the kids and they really don't seem to care one way or another.
posted by : LovePumpkin on 8/8/2008 at 2:26 PM Flag For Abuse
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I think it's fine for kids to use cutesy nicknames for genitalia at home with their parents and siblings as long as the kids know the real names, what they refer to, and when to use them (i.e. with their pediatrician). After all, we adults may say "go potty" with our kids, but say "need to use the ladies'/men's room" when the situation warrants. I do find it a bit annoying when Oprah refers to her va-jay-jay. She's a grown woman speaking to an audience of grown women. Once we're adults, using such childish terms seems immature.
posted by : anonymous2 on 8/8/2008 at 3:33 PM Flag For Abuse
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TulipOwner - HA HA. I know, since you were Phi Beta Kappa, you were being intentionally ironic with your modified axiom at the end, there. Four languages? goody f***ing gumdrops!
posted by : Anony on 8/9/2008 at 3:39 PM Flag For Abuse
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We prefer "vagine" (pronounced Borat-style) and "rod," in addition to penis and vulva. I think it's helpful to use both anatomical terms and fun nicknames.
posted by : HoneyHaze on 8/9/2008 at 7:31 PM Flag For Abuse
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The point is no so much about proper or latin words. The fact is that unless you make up cutesy names for other more socially accepted body parts, giving a silly nickname draws unnecessary attention to the given body part. If you're still in the phase where you use cutesy words for everything (tummy, tosies, etc) then also having a silly name for a vagina or penis is probably fine. But when the child knows the "proper" name of every other body part, but continues to call her vagina a "chacha" because the mother (not the child) is uncomfortable with the word, that seems like a problem. Not so much the word chacha, but the fact that a grown woman is so uncomfortable with such a regular word, and whether she explicitly states the discomfort or not, is most likely passing it on to her daughter. What's so bad about hearing a kid yell "vagina" or "penis" in public? If they yelled "elbow" would you blush?
posted by : anothermom on 8/9/2008 at 9:23 PM Flag For Abuse
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What exactly is "unnecessary attention" and why is it bad?
posted by : What is the logic on 8/10/2008 at 12:16 AM Flag For Abuse
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Ha, reminds me of the story (one of?) the worst embarrassment I ever caused my mother somewhere around age 2 to 3:
She had me with her while standing around talking after some possibly church-related conference, the group being a few men and my mother. I piped up with (name changed to protect the innocent): "My daddy has a penis and his name is John Smith!"
So apparently I knew *that* word early enough. Mostly we referred to "bottom" or "front bottom" to be specific and when my brothers came along "pee-pee," but I still managed to get to pre-teen years knowing all the anatomical words. It's not like if you use a silly word when they're little, they're never going to learn the formal ones when they're old enough not to scream out "Bagina!" in a store. I love what Lisaloo said about family traditions. If you wanna be scientific, good on you, but that doesn't mean that other families are wrong.
I see no problem with treating those parts "differently" than other body parts. They are different. Come on - we use them for private things and keep them covered in public and other people cannot touch them the way they would casually touch an elbow.
posted by : Chiara on 8/13/2008 at 3:24 PM Flag For Abuse
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I'm with you. I totally do not HAVE a vagina. I wrote about this one too on my blog at Cookie mag (shameless plug to follow):
http://www.cookiemag.com/magazine/blogs/crabmommy/2007/07/bring-on-the-eu.html?mbid=yshine_crab
Seriously, English language, could you not have given us a slightly better word for that part of the female bod? In my house, we're all about wee wees and winkies. Always glad to meet a fellow prude.
posted by : crabmommy on 8/13/2008 at 9:06 PM Flag For Abuse
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my son has "boy bits".
posted by : Maeby on 8/16/2008 at 3:09 PM Flag For Abuse
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My younger sister is really screwing with her daughter. She calls her vagina her NO-NO. As in, "NO-NO don't touch that! You're disgusting Jaelyn. Go wash your hands." Jaelyn is only three. I tell her that she's going to seriously mess with my niece's mind but she doesn't listen at all. It's natural, and all kids are curious.
posted by : Reggie on 8/22/2008 at 12:27 PM Flag For Abuse
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We used "vulva" and "penis" in our house, and when my three girls got older, they made up all sorts of names such as "koo-lache" and "whale's mouth." I grew up with a horrible mother who called a vulva a "crack." Talk about feeling dirty and disgusting. "Wash your crack," was what I heard growing up. But I don't compare people who use cute words to that old shrew.
I have a friend who uses the term "nee-nee," and tells her girls that if they kiss a boy, their teeth will fall out. She's also the same woman who didn't know babies and urine did NOT come from the same opening.
Using correct names made it easier for us to talk about sex. Even when they were two, I would say "uterus" instead of "tummy." Of course, they would tell people, "My mommy's got a baby in her U-rus." Then they learned that the baby comes out of the mommy's "bulba" (vulva).
I guess every parent has to do what works for them, but I prefer the matter-of-fact approach. Explaining menstruation was easy, even when they were five because they knew the names of many of their parts and weren't freaked out by monthly bleeding. They also ask feel comfortable enough to ask me all sorts of questions, whether it's about abortion, rape, drug use, or STDs. Things that are extremely in-depth and intelligent. It didn't make them lose their childhood, but I do think they're prepared for the world. They're now 10, 12, and 14.
posted by : mldubose on 9/5/2008 at 8:39 PM Flag For Abuse
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We started out calling them by their "proper" names when my twins were old enough to talk...in preschool, I was pulled aside by their teacher and asked to please talk to them about using "those kinds of words" at school. I thought that was ridiculous but I did. Apparently they made some of the other parents uncomfortable, HA! We now call them regina's and wee wee's. They are 12 now and although we use nicknames, they are fully aware of the real names, how they work, and just how they can get pregnant :)
posted by : moodimama on 9/10/2008 at 10:59 PM Flag For Abuse
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Eh, I think cute little names or clinical words don't make any difference at all. Whether a kid calls you a Poopy-Bottom or a Shitty Rectum they're gonna giggle their little heads off. My family had a weird colloquialism of referring to the girl bits as her peach. Whatever...I also got the basic sex talk when I was about 5, no flinching no lying. I don't think preferring cute little names means you can't talk about sex, even if it makes for funny sitcoms.
posted by : mchaos on 1/14/2009 at 5:59 PM Flag For Abuse
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My mom believed wholeheartedly in telling me the appropriate words for everything. When I asked where babies came from, she told me all about sperm and ovum and we even checked out a book from the library. Cut to a two-day train trip we took, when I announced to the entire car that I wanted to read my sperm and ovum book. I think my mom wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Still an entertaining story to this day, though.
posted by : honestyisgood on 3/6/2009 at 6:28 PM Flag For Abuse
