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In my culture it is expected that people remove their shoes at the door. Growing up with several friends of the same culture, it was second nature to take off the shoes when visiting. Our caucasian friends adapted quickly (learning at an early age that our houses were shoe free.) As a young adult, when I had parties in the winter time I would suggest that people bring their slippers to wear because the wood floor tended to be cold. Now as a parent, most of my fellow parents instruct their children to remove their shoes immediately and ask if they should, too. Nobody's gotten bent out of shape yet.
posted by : BBBGMOM on 8/27/2008 at 2:46 PM Flag For Abuse
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Speaking of bent out of shape:
I swear that any person who asks me to take off my shoes at their house will never again have me as a guest. When did it become fashionable to abandon all decency and hospitality toward your guests? Will they also need to bring in their own towels, dishes, utensils, etc.? They may leave germs there too that the sacred infant may touch. I'm guessing that the cult of baby-worship has swept plain old manners right out the door.
If having guests in your home is such an inconvenience that you require them to remove their attire, then maybe you shouldn't have guests. I don't give a steaming crap what other cultures do. Providing slippers won't work for those with musculo-skeletal problems, those with diabetes, or those with large feet. You planning to buy some size 12 slippers just so I can walk in your house? Or will you make me wear men's slippers? And do I have to wear slippers that someone with athlete's foot wore? Or do I have to keep slippers in my car in case I ever come to your house?
I have three children myself, and when they were at the ankle-biter age, I knew to clean the floor more often. I also wouldn't allow them to crawl around on the floor when guests were present. Can you imagine someone falling over your baby? And even if your guests arrive while the fragile creature is asleep, then for sweet geezus sake, mop/vacuum the floor before the kid gets on it.
It ain't brain surgery, people.
posted by : mldubose on 8/27/2008 at 3:10 PM Flag For Abuse
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I can't imagine any guest I invited to my home to be so delicate that they couldn't cope without their shoes.
For urban dwellers where apartment living is the norm it would be unneighborly to subject your downstairs neighbors to booming and clomping above their heads - particularly if you have hardwood floors so popular nowadays.
posted by : cocoa on 8/27/2008 at 3:47 PM Flag For Abuse
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I found this article pretty amusing because it's always been shoe-free in the house where I'm from. You might get away with shoes in the house if you were an elderly lady and we were having tea in the kitchen or on a dry day in the summer while running to get something from another room. Perhaps it's because we wear winter boots five months of the year and it's pretty rude to track snow, sand, and salt onto someone's carpet. It probably just carries over into summer.
As a kid, I just figured only people on TV and in movies left their shoes on in the house.
posted by : lilacorchid on 8/27/2008 at 4:10 PM Flag For Abuse
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mldubose: "I don't give a steaming crap what other cultures do." Wow - what a sucky boring life you must lead.
posted by : BBBGMOM on 8/27/2008 at 5:41 PM Flag For Abuse
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Actually, my life is quite full if you must know. I'm just not a flaming butthole to my guests.
It's not a picky super-sensitive guest who refuses to take off their shoes. Sometimes they may not want to tell you about their foot pain or extremely painful physical condition. Would you want to be the reason a person with diabetes has an amputation because they couldn't feel the scratch or splinter they got from walking on your floor? Just so your precious baby doesn't get any germs in his mouth?
Forcing your guests to be uncomfortable because you decided to reproduce is "sucky" and "boring" and shows an appalling lack of maturity and class.
posted by : mldubose on 8/27/2008 at 5:49 PM Flag For Abuse
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And sweetheart, you really don't want to get into a "culture contest" with me.
posted by : mldubose on 8/27/2008 at 5:50 PM Flag For Abuse
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I cannot imagine lettng my children crawl or play on a floor covered in the filth brought in on peoples' shoes. Lawn chemicals, pesticides, feces, spit, pathogens. I think people who wear shoes in the home are uncivilized. If you wear clean socks and vary your shoes then you dont have smelly feet. If you have smelly feet it means you have BACTERIA or FUNGUS growing on them so do something about it. If your shoes stink throw them out, they are full of bacteria. It is just about cleanliness people. The Japanese never, ever wear shoes in their home. No wonder they live longer than anyone else. They are cleaner.
posted by : Alice on 8/27/2008 at 8:54 PM Flag For Abuse
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Laura Dern thinks you should take off your shoes and so do I. I live in an apartment in the city and god only knows what we have walked through to get home lead contaminated soil, pesticides, insecticides, poo. You can read more about it here http://healthychild.org/blog/comments/tip_22_leave_dirt_at_the_door_remove_your_shoes/
posted by : mum on 8/27/2008 at 9:07 PM Flag For Abuse
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Anyone else want to join me in recommending that mldubose get a little therapy? Yowza!!
Me, personally, I could go either way, but I totally get why someone would prefer I not track dirt onto their clean carpet etc. No biggie.
posted by : Romy on 8/27/2008 at 9:38 PM Flag For Abuse
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The ability to consider the feelings, comfort, and health issues of another does not qualify one for therapy.
Does everyone wash their hands the minute they walk in the door like my children and I do? If not, do you have any idea the amount of microorganisms that you are bringing into your home? If you really want to know what the dirtiest places are in your house, do some reading about this issue. It's not your toilet seat. It's usually the refrigerator door handle, the countertops, and the flusher on the toilet. Not the floor.
Diligence is good, but when it is aimed at the wrong thing, it's simply useless. And forgetting that there are people in the world who have disabilities who may not be able to go shoeless in your house is a serious sign of misplaced priorities.
posted by : mldubose on 8/27/2008 at 10:19 PM Flag For Abuse
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I always thought that the "shoes on" trend was an American thing, really. I'm from eastern Canada, and as a kid my home, the homes of my extended family, and all of my friends were never without a pile of shoes in the entryway. In fact, the only place I was ever urged to keep my shoes on was at my aunt's house in the country. With three dogs, hardwood floors, and a wood stove it was just plain sense to keep bare feet protected.
If I were to be invited into your home, I would automatically take off my shoes, and would be pretty embarassed if told "We don't do that here." I think you'd find with most people either shoes on or off it's more a matter of habit than respect.
posted by : Lindsey on 8/27/2008 at 11:58 PM Flag For Abuse
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We take our shoes off - I was brought up that way, and it makes sense - but we don't ask visitors to do it. A lot of the people who come in do it anyway, though, when they see everybody else's shoes near the door, which is thoughtful.
Insisting that people bare their feet might be asking for trouble; if somebody's got a case of athlete's foot, plantar warts or nail fungus they probably realize they are doing you a favor by keeping their shoes on. That's pretty thoughtful, too.
posted by : catmom on 8/28/2008 at 1:19 AM Flag For Abuse
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I hate being asked to remove my shoes in other people's houses. I hate looking at other people's disgusting feet, for one thing, all I think about is athlete's foot and plantar warts, which I've never had in my 41 years. Also, my feet hurt when I don't have my very expensive orthotics on. I'm having a baby soon, and I won't ask people to remove their shoes, I'll clean the floor before before I allow the baby to play on it. And even if there are some germs--big deal. I was raised that way and I'm fine. These days they say that kids are healthier if you don't wrap them in an antibacterial bubble from the time they're born, it gives their immune systems something to work on. It's been postulated that without frequent contact with minor germs, the immune system turns on itself and you end up with asthma and allergies in your kids.
I can understand if it's a cultural thing, if you're Japanese or Middle Eastern. I spent time in the Middle East and it was no big deal to remove my shoes or boots whenever I entered someone's house. But the funny thing is that many people told me not ot bother and to leave my shoes on. They were afraid they were insulting me by expecting their customs to be observed. However, if you just happen to think I'm unhygenic, then I probably won't be visiting your house again.
posted by : Hurting Feet on 8/28/2008 at 7:16 AM Flag For Abuse
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You know what's funny, mldubose, is that you chastize others for being insensitive, yet you yourself said you didn't give a rip about other cultures. I find that ironic. Yes, I did stoop to your level with my "sucky and boring" comment, which I regret. But it would seem to me that a person with little or no regard for any culture other than their own could stand to broaden one's perspective a titch. Oddly you counter with the "culture contest" comment, which doesn't really follow your initial declaration of not caring about other cultures... But whatever.
Anyway, nowhere in my initial post did I indicate that I would forcibly remove a guest's shoes. I didn't think it was necessary to run through every conceivable scenario in a simple post on the issue. Of course a person who is uncomfortable removing her/his shoes - for whatever reason -can still come to the party. My aunt, for example, wears circulation-enhancing shoes/tights and would never be asked to remove her shoes. I just said that most people are absolutely fine padding around my house sans shoes and take a cue from the shoes at the door.
And, my shoeless home has NOTHING to do with the fact that I "decided to reproduce"... Not sure where you got that idea! And "flaming butthole?" Whew... why the hostility?
posted by : BBBGMOM on 8/28/2008 at 9:50 AM Flag For Abuse
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This must be a regional thing -
Growing up in Minnesota EVERYONE took their shoes off, even at houses with no babies or kids of any sort. It's a habit you get into in the winter when wearing your shoes indoors means tracking snowy slush all over the carpet (and in the summer it just feels much better to be barefoot).
posted by : laura83 on 8/28/2008 at 10:10 AM Flag For Abuse
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I said I don't give a crap what other cultures do regarding asking people to remove part of their attire. Besides, when you have a guest, you don't assume that they will follow all of your customs. They are GUESTS and should be treated with respect even if their ideas or ways are the polar opposites of yours. That's what being a good host is all about. Yes, you would draw the line at total nudity or any other exhibit of total insanity, but is there any ethnicity or nationality that does that? Expecting someone to come into your home and do things exactly as you do and then get a bee in your bonnet because they got some dirt or microorganisms in your carpet makes a person SERIOUSLY need to examine their priorities. We're not talking about smoking or doing drugs, just freakin' shoes in the house. What's next, asking people to glove-up before touching anything in the house?
And speaking of hostility, some of these posters implying that not removing shoes makes someone's home dirty or unhealthy is just another issue of the "we do it this way, and you don't, so suck it" frame of mind. This is not the only issue where these kinds of attitudes prevail. If you really think that having another opinion about an issue makes a person closed-minded, then the ability to not look at another perspective and examine its merits is the hallmark sign of intolerance.
Sure there may be families whose insanity springs up even when they don't have kids. But, duh, this topic is about those who have their guests take off shoes because there's a baby in the house. And yes, making your guests take off their shoes because you gave birth is making people comply with your choice to breed.
Stop taking this so personally. Geez.
posted by : mldubose on 8/28/2008 at 10:51 AM Flag For Abuse
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I do believe your statements are being taking personally, mldubose, because your statements are designed to attack others. For instance the phrase "you don't want to get into a culture war with me" can't be taken as anything except highly adversarial, (And a bit confusing. What would this culture war entail?).
Perhaps a better place to direct your energy would be in speaking privately to the host about your shoe preferences, something any guest should feel free to do. I don't stand at the door of my home with a flaming sword and demand that shoes be taken off. I don't think my stepfather has ever done so come to think of it. The comfort of my guests is very important to me but I'm not psychic, nor should I be expected to intuit that the customs of my home are not to the guests' liking from a glare or a sigh. Now, if the guest mentions a problem in a reasonable manner and I lack either the ability or desire to modify the situation then of course, the guest is right in choosing not to return.
posted by : fuschiafinn on 8/28/2008 at 3:07 PM Flag For Abuse
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In my home we all take our shoes off, and I always have, since I was a child. My mother has back problems and she wears her shoes in the house, but is careful to clean them before walking around. This has nothing to do with having or not having children. I don't know of any homes where we leave our shoes on! Of course, I also live in a cold climate where I would never think of leaving my winter boots on to walk around a house!
posted by : winnipeg_mom on 8/28/2008 at 5:49 PM Flag For Abuse
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My father is from the Middle East but I grew up in Wisconsin, where my mom is from. We never wore our shoes in the house. It seems disgusting and also imperils the carpets. I married another Wisconsinite and some of his relatives were also very adamant that shoes not be worn inside. Now I live in Minnesota, and noticed that my Korean friend has rows of shoe racks in the garage, as shoes are not worn on the inside of their home, either. In these states, wearing shoes inside the house often means leaving tracks of melting snow and salt everywhere. It just isn't done. I really don't understand how someone could be so disrespectful of my clean house as to drag the filth and muck of the street into my home. But I wouldn't go so far as to ask a guest to remove her shoes, because I wouldn't want to offend the person.
posted by : sarahgomom on 8/29/2008 at 1:56 AM Flag For Abuse
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We are shoeless indoors too but it's because of the peeling lead paint that is on the exterior of our rental house. Many homes and apartments across the US have this same issue, and one of the best ways to keep the fine lead dust particles out of your home is to scrape your shoes with a good doormat and then to leave the shoes in the entryway.
We have one of those horrid (but super effective) green astroturf/fake grass doormats and you should see what we dump out of it every few days. If you guys saw the load of dust/dirt/etc, you'd take your shoes off too.
Fwiw, one lead based paint chip the size of a small postage stamp is enough to damage a child's i.q. by 10 points... making the difference between an Einstein and not. We just chose to err on the side of caution - and yes, we're looking for another house.
That said, I grew up in a household where we wore shoes and when some people (elderly, staying just briefly in the entryway, etc.) come to our house, I don't request they remove their shoes. I do use a Dyson hepa vacuum afterwards though, to make sure we get all the crud up.
posted by : TwinMom on 8/29/2008 at 3:05 AM Flag For Abuse
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ah - forgot to post my solution - there are booties that people can slip over their shoes - they can be laundered after use. They're often used at open houses when the carpets are white and newly cleaned. Will track them down... seems like a win-win for everyone.
posted by : TwinMom on 8/29/2008 at 3:07 AM Flag For Abuse
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I'm guessing mldubose and many of the other people saying they have to leave their shoes on don't live where I do, we have a foot of salty dirty slush on the ground for 6 months out of the year.
I have had a few people leave their boots on even when they are coated in the slime, and track it on my white carpeting (rental, I would never be so dumb to choose white carpeting!), but they take them off straight away when I point out their blackened footprints.
I thought they were completely insane, now I guess they must be mldubose's relatives.
posted by : slushy on 8/29/2008 at 10:34 AM Flag For Abuse
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I'm Swedish and I don't know anyone in Scandinavia that doesn't remove their shoes before entering a house. But like previous posters have mentioned I agree that it's probably because of the snow and sleet in winter. I now live in Canada and everyone takes their shoes off here too and it's never been a problem. I think it's a climate and a cultural thing for sure and I also think it's because I regard shoes as outerwear and like my coat I take it off when going inside.
I have a question to the posters that say that they never remove their shoes. If you're going to a friends house and it's raining a lot outside and your shoes are wet and muddy, would you still leave them on and just wipe them off a bit at the door?
posted by : JustLia on 8/29/2008 at 10:37 AM Flag For Abuse
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I live in the freakin' South. You would only take off shoes if you had mud on them.
We have no salty dirty slush here, slushy. Get over yourself.
posted by : mldubose on 8/29/2008 at 1:43 PM Flag For Abuse
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The freakin' south! THE FREAKIN SOUTH
posted by : freakin on 8/30/2008 at 3:38 PM Flag For Abuse
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I am a proud lifelong resident of the "Freakin' South." Please don't judge all of us down here for the comments of one idiot with a computer.
posted by : samsmom on 8/30/2008 at 9:36 PM Flag For Abuse
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Only one person mentioned lead?? Its not just germs!! I grew up in a shoeless home in Seattle and now live in a shoeless home in the bay area. Where as I really don't want the germs of the city in my house, I am MUCH more concerned about pesticides, insecticides and LEAD. Also taking into account the fact that shoes scratch flooring, stain carpet and are noisy, if I had a guest who thought it was THAT big of a deal to remove their shoes, I wouldn't WANT them to return.
Having said that, I did buy several pairs of slippers at IKEA that I keep on hand for guests and my father, who is diabetic, always brings his house shoes when he visits.
"Interestingly, in 1991 the EPA conducted a study called the “Door Mat Study” that measured the amount of lead dust that was in homes. The study found that in homes where there was a doormat at the entrance and where shoes were NOT worn, there was a marked reduction (about 60%) of lead dust and other chemicals in the home. Not only that, but in homes where shoes are removed, there is a reduction in allergens and bacteria being tracked into the house.
Removing shoes has been scientifically proven to reduce contaminants in the home. If that still doesn’t convince you to have your family remove their shoes before entering the house, then think about how much longer and nicer your carpets and floors will stay and how much easier it will be to clean if shoes aren’t permitted in the house. When you look at it like this, it won’t be so hard to ask family and friends to remove their shoes before coming into the house."
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art29826.asp
posted by : eo on 9/1/2008 at 1:12 AM Flag For Abuse
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I would have never thought this to be a controversial topic! WE always took our shoes off when I was growing up. I would love to have a completely shoe free home, but my hardwood floors aren't always as clean as I'd like them to be, so I feel guilty that my friends might get dirty socks if they are always asked to take their shoes off. But, most of them just take them off anyway because they see the pile of shoes by the door! I have also always asked people if I should take my shoes off when I visit their house for the first time. And, of course, if it's wet outside, I always take them off.
What a strange topic to debate.
posted by : tiffer on 9/2/2008 at 7:39 AM Flag For Abuse
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I'm of Caribbean background and we take our shoes of here in Cleveland, and in the islands. Heck, my mother's American family takes their shoes off too and they live all over the country. It always made sense not to track dirt or what have you into a home. Our shoes stay by the door, and I've never seen anyone have a problem with it. I agree that it's weird to argue about this.
posted by : adjm on 9/2/2008 at 9:43 PM Flag For Abuse
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I'm of Korean descent, and we have always removed our shoes upon entering the house. In fact, it would be considered quite rude to wear your shoes in another person's house, and sometimes I automatically take off my shoes upon entering someone else's house (even if they are not Asian).
I grew up in the freakin' South too, and none of my friends or their parents ever seemed to have any problem with it when we were kids. They just knew that we took off our shoes when we entered the house, and did it automatically when they came over.
posted by : Shoes Off At Door on 9/21/2008 at 1:15 PM Flag For Abuse
