feedback for "The Self-Deprecating Playdate"

1. Are you kidding me? I think you all need to stop this incessantly terrible navel-gazing and focus all that energy on something useful: volunteering at a soup kitchen or philanthropy or maybe even just shutting the hell up about yourselves.
   
   For Christ's sake, I can't believe this is what takes up other parents' time.

   posted by : baconsmom on 10/2/2008 at 1:08 PM Flag For Abuse

2. If you're so busy saving the world, why are you spending time reading web sites that are about parental concerns? Isn't there a WTO event you should be out picketing?
   
   I thought the article touched on a very common experience in an amusing and accurate way. What's more, expressing these types of concerns does not mean someone isn't socially conscious or engaged in the problems of others. It just means they're human.

   posted by : laughedoutloud on 10/2/2008 at 1:21 PM Flag For Abuse

3. Hey, what's wrong with Goldfish? Better than Cheetos...well Cheetos are awesome, but better in terms of less bad for you.
   
   Amy
   www.sofiabean.com

   posted by : AmyfromSofiaBean on 10/2/2008 at 2:49 PM Flag For Abuse

4. I think women tend to do this generaly - not just parents. I'm not sure if it's actually harmful - like you said, I think it's just a shortcut to common ground...

   posted by : Don Mills Diva on 10/2/2008 at 4:08 PM Flag For Abuse

5. Yawwwwwwwwwwwn.
   Seriously, how did this land in Bad Parent? Aren't these columns supposed to be controversial or at least interesting?

   posted by : MotherofThree on 10/2/2008 at 6:59 PM Flag For Abuse

6. i think it's a part of a larger trend - to complain about the size of thighs, breasts, partner's penises etc. an eternal subject... but i know what you mean when it's kids it's like,everyone is afraid to do the wrong thing to harm the child forever

   posted by : DaintySplendor on 10/3/2008 at 5:13 AM Flag For Abuse

7. This is so true. And one of many reasons why hanging out with other mothers has, for me, been SO BORING. Between the competing, the comparing, the preaching, and the self-flagellating, (oh, and let's not forget the bragging and compliment-fishing) I would just as soon be a hermit. With my first I actually sought the company of other moms, but with my second I am just going to wait for him to choose his own friends and then take it from there. I will hang out with them for his sake, but frankly, I have found friendship with other moms as shallow and sticky as marshmallow fluff. Just the fact that we both have kids isn't enough for us to become BFF.

   posted by : Maverick on 10/3/2008 at 3:55 PM Flag For Abuse

8. I'll take the self-flagellation over the Sanctimommies any day. At least there is comfort in knowing you're not alone in your imperfectness. But it's hard not to criticize yourself when every decision you make someone is ready to call you out as a bad parent (how many times has the term child abuse been levied at the most banal of parenting decisions). Even an article today in Strollerderby (about the mom who was arrested for child endangerment because she left her sleeping child in the car for a minute) underscores the constant inner battle parents have with the gray area. As for the first comment, well good for you if you feel so above all this. But I'd be willing to bet you have your own achilles' heel, so lighten up on the rest of us, will ya?

   posted by : moi on 10/3/2008 at 5:19 PM Flag For Abuse

9. This article was funny and so true. Unfortunately, there were some typos in it. I quite enjoyed the lighthearted tone of this author's writing.

   posted by : Mother of one on 10/3/2008 at 11:30 PM Flag For Abuse

10. I thought for a minute I was reading something about highschool. Are there really adults, parents, who want to join the crowd, to fit in so much that they act dumb? Fake humility is what we call around here "Fishing". Trying to get someone to like you by making yoruself look lowly. Only women do it. They do it to get boyfriends, to get jobs and to make friends. I used to do it until my new husband over heard me downgrading my gardening abilities to a neighbor. He was furious with me. " I dont ever want to hear you talk that way about yourself again." he said. As a young woman I had been doing it for so long I was unaware of it. I was thankful he pointed it out to me. Now when we meet up with other kids and their moms to play (playdate is a silly term) I never worry about impressing them or meeting up to their standards. Who freaking cares what they think? I am an adult I do not need the approval of some aquaintance to feel like a good mother or a good person. I just act like my regular self and usually we get along fine. If they start that crummy mmummy talk I just change the subject with an "Oh yeah? Anyway, did you see that a new Kroger is going up on Ross Aveneue?" I am not a child and I dont play games. Believe in yourself and your parenting choices. Look how great your kids are doing and how good your life is. You dont need a strangers envy or approval.

    posted by : Alice on 10/4/2008 at 12:08 AM Flag For Abuse

11. I wholeheartedly agree with what Alice says - thank you!
    
    I have been caught in many a self-deprecating conversation with other mothers, and if it's not about how much the other mom sucks at doing her job as a parent, it's about how much her life sucks in general. Ack - kill me.
    
    Wouldn't it be nice if our conversations with other moms were more about ideas, solutions, and dreams? Women can be so powerful together - but so often we choose the self-destructive or catty route. Why?

    posted by : Mommasnark on 10/5/2008 at 3:49 PM Flag For Abuse

12. I'm with Alice. I learned back in high school that there will always be people willing to criticize me, and I don't need to help them out by criticizing myself. Sure, I take a long, hard look at my own actions and analyze them, and if what I'm doing is wrong I try to change, but I'm not going to offer up my every fault for public entertainment. And it's also not super entertaining to hear someone constantly run herself down -- it's tiresome. Like the "OMG, do I look fat?" friend, the "OMG, I'm SUCH a bad parent" friend wants you to insult yourself and/or tell her how awesome she is. The former is a job for her fellow masochists, the latter a job for her therapist. In terms of conversational entertainment, a rundown of one's faults ranks somewhere between rambling recountings of one's dreams and detailed analysis of someone else's office politics.
    
    The few times I've talked trash about myself, I've felt dirty afterward, as if I'd dished on a good friend behind her back. I think that constantly repeating negative things about yourself causes you to believe them, and after you do it for long enough you really start to think that you're a loser and a bad parent. Luckily, I grew up in the 70s, so I feel like the bar was set really low and if I don't actually abuse my child mentally or physically she'll turn out just fine.

    posted by : happy on 10/6/2008 at 12:05 PM Flag For Abuse