Bad Parent: The Minimalist
Is my kid toy-deprived?
by Nan Mooney
November 13, 2008
More often than I'd like to admit, my reluctance to spend money on my child leaves me feeling embarrassed and a little ashamed. I don't want to become one of those "no" parents — no TV, no sugar, no spontaneous trips to the zoo. Nor do I want Leo's memory of childhood to be defined by what he didn't have or do. And always swirling out there is the inference, real or imagined, that if I don't buy Leo this or that toy or piece of equipment or learning experience, I'm a bad parent. When a close friend with two older daughters sends me Craigslist postings for used toys, is it pure helpfulness or is it undergirded by a message that I'm not adequately nurturing my child? I know I've covered the basics: food, clothing, diapers and a place to lay his head. But beyond that, what do kids really need to make them centered and successful?
Right now Leo is pretty happy banging measuring spoons and sucking his toes. He seems just as precocious and delightful as his more advantaged peers, even his friend Sonya, who has a computerized pet dog that takes photos. It's the parents, not the babies, who are caught up in a flurry of swimming lessons, baby joggers and Mozart for Children CDs.
But as he gets older, I know the questions will get trickier. I grew up an only child in a comfortably middle class family. I didn't have it as good as the girl down the street with a miniature car she drove up and down her driveway, but there were always plenty of presents under the Christmas tree and games in the game cupboard. My best friend was the youngest of four and I still remember the searing jealousy she couldn't manage to suppress as I got skating lessons and new clothes while she was stuck with hand-me-downs. Will Leo experience that same kind of resentment toward kids who have more? How will he cope with the sense of being on the outside looking in?
Will Leo experience resentment toward kids who have more?I suppose this balancing of wants versus needs marks a line he and I will always walk together. I will give him all that I can. But in my mind, providing for your child means, first and foremost, imbuing him with a sense of compassion, tolerance, trust in and pleasure with the world around him. I suppose eventually reality will do its damnedest to show him different. But for as long as possible I plan to preserve in him the belief that love really is all you need.
©2008 Nan Mooney and Babble
About the Author
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Nan Mooney's third book, (Not) Keeping Up With Our Parents: The Decline of the Professional Middle Class, comes out in May. She lives in Seattle with her son Leo and lots of rain. |
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