Not Holding Back
Why I didn't "redshirt" my kindergarten-age son.
by Holly Korbey
September 8, 2008
I met one mom and her kids at the park one afternoon. "What are you going to do with Holden next year?"
"He's going to kindergarten." I tried to sound nonchalant.
The mom clucked. "Ooooh. That could be a mistake."
"Why?"
"Well, Billy had a summer birthday, and we went ahead and sent him to kindergarten. His preschool teacher warned us to hold him back, but we were out to prove her wrong."
Gulp. This "story" sounded a little familiar. "What happened?"
"It wasn't good."
I wanted to drive back to New York that minute. "Did he do poorly?"
"Well, no. He did quite well."
"Did he have behavior problems?"
Moms were concerned with dating, driving, and one more thing.
"Well — no. He did all right there, too. It's just that . . . I hate to say it, but . . . "
"WHAT? WHAT IS IT?"
"It's just that the teachers were prejudiced against him. They think that the younger kids are a pain. We were so stubborn about it, out to prove a point, and as a result Billy had a miserable year."
At this point, my blood actually started to boil.
In the next four weeks, I had seven more conversations with moms who insisted that I not send Holden to kindergarten. They told me their own success stories. One mom told me her son acted "effeminate," and she held him back a year to ensure that he was larger than the other boys, so they'd be less likely to pick on him. Another told me that she was holding her younger son back so there would be more room between him and her older son. "That way he (the older son) can enjoy high school without baby brother in his business." Still another mother was concerned about dating. "Tommy will be able to get his driver's license with all the other kids, be able to drive, go out on dates a year earlier." I listened in horror. Nobody mentioned academics. These moms were more concerned with the social advantages that came with being older and bigger: dating, driving, and — oh, yeah, one more thing.
There was one more reason, a blip on the radar, every single mom mentioned to me, however sheepishly: sports eligibility. In a state known for near-deadly sports competitiveness, Texas wisdom is that the bigger the boy gets, the more competitive he'll be at sports, especially in high school. And the older ones will be bigger first.
©2008 Holly Korbey and Babble
About the Author
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Holly Korbey is an actress, writer, and mother of two. Her work has appeared on McSweeneys.net and in "How to Fit a Car Seat on a Camel, and Other Misadventures While Traveling with Kids," edited by Sarah Franklin. She lives with her family in Dallas, Texas. |
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