Not Holding Back
Why I didn't "redshirt" my kindergarten-age son.
by Holly Korbey
September 8, 2008
"He loves soccer, and he'll have an advantage."
"With his size advantage, we're looking for a scholarship."
"Don't you want to give Holden an advantage? Keep him at home one more year, give him an edge."
I felt I was surrounded by lunatics.
By the end of Pre-K's first semester, I was worried that I needed to drink the Kool-Aid. I couldn't help feeling pressured to hold back my son so we'd fit in. I began losing sleep. I became afraid of running into the other mothers.
In defense of Holden's teacher and all the insane mommies who were browbeating me, I want acknowledge that kindergarten as we remember it doesn't exist anymore. That half-day colors-and-letters playtime with dull scissors is gone, replaced by preschool. Kindergarten has gotten harder, and more competitive. I can see how parents might get nervous that a young child was not going to do well.
In April, I took Holden to a local school's "Kindergarten Round-Up," and the kindergarten I witnessed there is a full-day, five-day-a-week endeavor. There, Holden would wear a uniform of khaki or blue shorts or pants, and a white collared shirt. He would have one twenty-minute recess a day, and art, music, and phys. ed. only once a week. He would attend both Mac and PC computer courses. He would have homework assignments four out of five nights a week. If he was was sick for more than one day, he would have to produce a doctor's note upon his return. Unexcused absences would result in suspension.
Redshirting seems to me like thinly disguised one-upmanship.
Okay. For a moment, I saw what the kooky preschool moms were saying. This seemed like a very grown-up world for my son, who still has to be reminded to wipe his behind and can't yet tie his shoes. I went ahead and signed him up for kindergarten at the "round-up," but I worried a little that I'd been hasty. That I was just being stubborn.
We all want our kids to be the best they can be. I want Holden to have every advantage, because he's a good kid with a ton of potential. But redshirting seems to me like thinly disguised one-upmanship, a show of force and a way that rich, white kids can gain yet another advantage over the other children. And frankly, it seems unfair — especially to the kids who could probably use another year in preschool if their families could only afford it.
As a Texas friend said to me recently, "The competition is so fierce. Kids just aren't allowed to be kids anymore. There's so much pressure on them to be something spectacular. You aren't allowed to just be a regular kid."
Finally, I opted out of the summer birthday boy craziness. I took the springtime to research other Dallas schools, and we found a public school with a wonderful principal who sticks to the rules. Holden is going to kindergarten this fall, and is totally excited. He will be among the youngest in his class, but he won't be the only boy who's not six.
Now that it's all over, I only have one wish: that Holden had saved us all this trouble by being born in December.
©2008 Holly Korbey and Babble
About the Author
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Holly Korbey is an actress, writer, and mother of two. Her work has appeared on McSweeneys.net and in "How to Fit a Car Seat on a Camel, and Other Misadventures While Traveling with Kids," edited by Sarah Franklin. She lives with her family in Dallas, Texas. |
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