Potty-Training Regression
Does starting the process early mean finishing late?
by Ronda Kaysen
May 4, 2009
I hate changing dirty diapers. They're messy and gross and throwing human waste in a landfill is disgusting. So when my son was eight months old, despite warnings from experts about the dire effects my efforts might have on his
psyche, I put him on the potty. To my surprise, he pooped and peed. He did this nearly every morning with astonishing regularity. His willingness left me with two options: either these experts don't know what they're talking about or I am unwittingly causing
irrevocable harm to my child's core.
A look at the prevailing opinion would give any mother pause. The American Academy of Pediatrics warns on its website that training a child before age two can "create stress for the child and ultimately prolong the toilet training process."
T. Berry Brazelton, godfather of the popular child-led toilet training philosophy, takes the argument further. He warns that pushing a kid to toilet train can cause a host of problems including constipation, incontinence and bedwetting. A constipated toddler
might end up with GI tract issues that lead to X-rays, catheters and other invasive procedures. But that's nothing compared with the woes of a bedwetter who can't have sleepovers. "Bedwetting can make the child feel hopeless and helpless," Brazelton writes
in his book Touchpoints: Your Child's Emotional and Behavioral Development, Birth to 3 — The Essential Reference for the Early Years. "Tinged with guilt over his developing sexuality . . . the night wetting can affect his future self image." Bedwetting can lead to excessive masturbation.
Excessive masturbation! It's enough to make a parent hoard cash for future therapy
bills.
I watched my son for signs of psychological damage. I didn't see any. He seemed like a happy fellow, peeing and pooping once a day in a little plastic pot. I found it hard to believe that encouraging my son to sit on a potty and play with empty shampoo bottles
while he relieved himself would cause serious harm. My husband and I wrote off Brazelton's warnings and figured we'd have a toilet trained tyke by his first birthday. After all, in the 1950s, ninety percent of American children were trained by age two, according
to conservative family psychologist John Rosemond, who referenced a Harvard University study.
Well, I don't know what all those 1950s babies were doing, but our little boy wonder didn't make many strides beyond his morning forays. His first birthday came and went and the diapers stayed. His interest in the potty ebbed and flowed as often as his bladder.
Around eighteen months, I decided enough with the diapers and took them off, along with his pants, and let him trot around the house naked. I assumed he'd eventually figure the whole thing out.
My son stands before a puddle on the floor. "Pee pee, yay!" he cheers.I wouldn't exactly say he figured it out. Toilet usage at our house goes something like this:
My son stands before a puddle of pee on the living room floor. "Pee pee, yay!" he cheers.
"Pee pee goes in the potty," I explain as I rush him to the bathroom. He compliantly sits on a cushioned ring atop the toilet seat for a startlingly long time. He greets his penis. ("Hi! Hi!") He unfurls the toilet paper from its roll and scolds it. ("No
paper! No!") He grabs his toothbrush, then mine, then his father's. No more pee emerges. He asks to leave the toilet. He pees on the floor again.
At other times, he seemingly pees on command. "If you want to flush the toilet, you need to pee first," I suggest. He furrows his brow, glares at his penis, as if willing it act, and then magically pees. "Pee pee, yay!" he cheers and reaches back to flush
the toilet.
The word regression comes to mind. For days, he'll pee in the potty enthusiastically and then, without warning or reason, reject the whole business for a week. His wavering makes me wonder if the experts have a point: maybe we rushed into this whole bathroom
business.
About the Author
|
|
Related Articles
|
 |
Ronda Kaysen is a freelance writer. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, Washington Post, BusinessWeek.com, New York Observer, Architectural Record and the Huffington Post. She is a contributor to MomLogic.com. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband and son, who still nurses. |
|
|
-
by Gina Zucker
How the diaper-free movement tested my oldest friendship.
-
by Kate Bayless
Our five favorite rest stops on the road to diaper freedom.
-
by Jeanne Sager
Sorry, sexperts. At my house it's called a "cha-cha."
|
