The Cult of the Bad Mother
When everyone's a "bad parent," is anyone?
by Katie Allison Granju
May 29, 2009
But what about me? I forgot my baby, just like these other parents. I was no different in my actions; only the outcome was different — something for which I can assure you I frequently offer a private and heartfelt thank you to God. So where does my dangerous-mistake-with-lucky-outcome
put me on the bad parent continuum? In hindsight, I am comfortable saying that I screwed up to such a degree that I deserved negative judgment, not affirmation or support. That day at least, I truly deserved the bad parent label — and not in any ironic way.
It is worth considering whether our ever-increasing media appetite for maternal imperfection might be leading us down a slippery slope of misplaced tolerance, where passing any sort of judgment against any sort of parenting — no matter how clearly unsatisfactory
— ceases to exist. While excessive, unreasonable judgment of mothers might be wrong, so is the lack of cultural discernment that comes with approval of all parenting behavior as equally acceptable.
While excessive judgment of mothers is wrong, so is acceptance of all parenting behavior.
Additionally, we should be asking ourselves whether the ability to air our dirty parenting laundry without fear of judgment is simply a classist privilege, rather than representing any sort of meaningful change in attitudes toward all women. The mostly-white,
mostly-college-educated mothers (like me) who pen "momoirs" about things like letting their third grader navigate public transportation sans adult supervision get appearances on talk shows. However, a poor, minority or immigrant mother who made the same parenting
choice would more likely get a visit from Child Protective Services.
I plan to keep blogging about my own maternal failings. And I will continue to engage in the valuable dialogue of support and sharing with other mothers, both on- and offline. It's a good thing. However, I hope we can soon find some balance between the extreme
expressions of Good Motherhood and Bad Motherhood, because for most of us, most days, it's somewhere in the middle.
©2009 Katie Allison Granju and Babble Media
About the Author
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