10 (Mostly Unrelated) Things I Realized While Learning How to SkiEmi Beth
Last week, I went to New Zealand with 103 other girls from my school, from grades 11 and 12. It was an awesome week, and it also had some “interesting” moments. Interesting, as in the way polite people say “oh your hair looks…interesting” when you cut your hair yourself, and totally massacred it. Namely, it was interesting, because I am so incredibly uncoordinated. It wasn’t my first time in snow, but it was my first time skiing. I’m sure some of you are just rolling your eyes and thinking, “oh, she’s only uncoordinated because it’s her first time. Seriously! What, did she think she’d be fantastic on her very first time skiing?”
Trust me, though, I’m naturally extremely uncoordinated. I’m one of those people who will be walking along, on a flat path, and just completely randomly, fall down. I trip on nothing, but the air.
In skiing however, I took it to a whole different level. In my first two days of skiing, I fell down thirty five times. I should probably mention that in those two days, I skiied for a total of four hours. That is literally me falling down every six minutes, or so. I also took people down with me: five people whom I knew, and five total strangers, who I’m pretty sure really appreciated being on their feet one second, and the snow the next.
My instructor ( who was an American, working in New Zealand until September) did her best to teach me the ‘basics’ of skiing. By the end of the week, I could, in fact, stay on my feet. As long as it was on the bunny hill, and there were no other people on the hill for me to collide into… Still though, it was an improvement!
Here are ten things I ‘learned’/ realized during my trip:
Girls Gossip More Than Perez Hilton 1 of 10
The fact is, teenage girls are gossips. Why do you think there was a fabulous TV show about it? When you combine the game of Truno (UNO mixed with Truth), and approximately fifteen seventeen year old girls, scandalous secrets are going to come out. Just like the Pretty Little Liars theme song suggests, when you have more than one person, those secrets, as we learnt, aren't going to stay hidden, despite how many pledges of "what happens on ski trip, stays on ski trip" are declared. Lesson: never share something during Truno that you don't want 98 girls knowing first day back at school.
Boys Don’t Scare Easily 2 of 10
Once again, Truno taught me another lesson. We were approached by two cute guys, asking whether they could join in on our game (which appeared to be UNO). We agreed, on the condition that we were actually playing Truno. Despite being thrown questions from about twenty girls- some of whom preferred questions that were more than a little inappropriate- they actually answered all of them, with only a few blushes. Then we found out they were actually only fifteen... Which made it awkward, especially when we saw them later that night in town, and again the next day at the ski fields.
Never Play A Card Game That Involves Inappropriate Words When There’s A Teacher Sitting Within Hearing Distance 3 of 10
Because when that teacher looks at you like you're insane, and then you have to make the game more G rated when she sits down and starts playing, the game becomes way less fun.
Photo Credit: Alexandra Thompson.
I Need A Better Vocabulary 4 of 10
Or, I need to get paid a dollar for every time I used inappropriate language last week: apparently "falling down on my backside" and the "word-that-starts-with-f-and-rhymes-with-muck" are synonymous.
I'd be a fudging millionaire.
Photo Credit: Alexandra Thompson.
Always, ALWAYS Go To The Bathroom Before You Go Up The Green Run 5 of 10
Because there's no bathroom up there, and it's an hour and a half walk down. Probably quicker if you ski down, but THAT WASN'T AN OPTION SEEING AS I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO SKI STRAIGHT, OR SLOW DOWN. OR STOP. OR TURN. OR STAY ON MY FEET. It was either walking, or stop, drop and roll all the way down the mountain.
Technology Is Ruining Today’s Youth… Or Maybe Just Me 6 of 10
I confess to spending $28 in internet access whilst I was in New Zealand, which roughly equivalents to four and a half hours of internet usage, over six days. I may or may not have also constantly complained that my phone didn't work in New Zealand (which, I was too much of an idiot to realize that it actually did, until the very last day). I may or may not have totally freaked out not being able to watch The Fosters, Pretty Little Liars and Melissa & Joey as soon as it aired that week, and frantically asked for play by play recounts from my friend whilst she was watching it back in Brisbane.
You Have As Much Leg Room On Planes As An Adult Has on Disney’s Dumbo Ride 7 of 10
Yes, I did know this before going to New Zealand, but still, I feel like it needs to be reiterated. Luckily, I found a solution to the whole no-room-feet-going-to-sleep situation. See, I'm rather tall, and I was on an aisle seat. I found that I got more leg room- without even paying for an upgrade!- by sticking my legs out in the little aisle separating seats A,B,C from seats D,E,F. Sure, they're now bruised, because I fell asleep and my feet got whammed by the hostesses' food and drink carts, but hey! At least I could feel my feet, which is more than I can say for the free numbing treatment received by constraining my legs in space the size of a small box.
Never Use "22" as your Alarm Clock Ringtone, 6 Days In A Row 8 of 10
You'll find yourself bitterly changing the words. Taylor, try as you might, but face the facts: you're Never Ever Ever Getting Me Out of Bed. Especially at 6am, which converts to 4am Brisbane time. You cray-cray 22 year olds have your fun, but this 17 year old prefers to stay in bed.
I'm obviously not musically talented, but angry songs seem to be my forte:
"I don't know about you
But I'm feeling not 22
Everything will be alright if
my alarm clock wasn't set to you
It should be my bed and me
When the sun is sleeping, too
Everything will be alright if
We just keep sleeping like we're
not 22. "
Feels like a perfect night to sleep past midnight and forget about strangers...
I don't know about you but I'm feeling 22, everything will be alright if you keep me next to you.."
I don't know about you, but I'm feeling blue, everything will be alright if my alarm clock ain't next to my pillow..."
Skiing Is Nothing Like Ice-Skating 9 of 10
You know what happens when you get cocky and start thinking "I ice-skated for like four years, I'm totally going to be pro at this?" You attempt to do a 3 turn, with skis on. You know what happens when you try and do a 3 turn with skis on? You get stuck going backwards, down the hill. You know what happens when you start going backwards down the hill and don't know how to stop? Five year old snow boarders crash into you, and knock you down, get back up and start snow-boarding again. You know what happens when five year olds are able to get up gracefully within 30 seconds, and you're left in the snow for about twenty minutes (no joke), flailing your arms about like an octopus? You get snow in your underwear.
American Girl Apps Are A Surprisingly Good Way To Waste Time 10 of 10
When I downloaded the American Girl apps, I did know that they were aimed at, like, eleven year olds and younger. 17 year olds- not so much. I downloaded them anyway, because 1) they're free, and 2) I have a weakness for anything American Girl (does anyone else covet Samantha and Nellie's outfits?). I didn't expect them to be that great, but they proved me wrong. We were taken to the cinema to see 'Lincoln' on our last day in New Zealand. I'm sorry, but that movie makes my Top 3 least favorite movies of all time- following Les Miserables, and War Horse (yes, I have horrible movie taste). This is coming from someone who spent 10 weeks studying Abraham Lincoln, and loved every minute of it. This is coming from someone who loves history. This is also coming from someone who found that movie so bad she spent the last hour playing 'Gymtastic', because it was better than watching the rest of the movie.