My oldest daughter is getting married next month, which means we’re down to the wire on getting crafts done, finalizing the flower arrangements, and doing all the tedious things one does when one gets married. Though, this is really 2 people getting married, 8 sets of parents and co-parents giving away their children, and a whole mess of family that is getting ready to be blended together. I am, naturally, considering what wedding advice to give my daughter as she plans on starting this new adventure of her life and have come up with some things I have taught her growing up, and also some things that I’ve had to reflect upon in my own experience as a previously-married woman.
There are certain things I assume I will be telling her in my role of Mother-of-the-Bride on the day of her wedding. For instance, I’m sure I’ll have to remind her to eat something so she can the energy to get through the day. The following advice I have for her is both for her actual wedding day and the marriage the comes after it.Those things are inextricably linked, though I worry that many couples spend more time, effort and money on one day and not the same efforts in the actual work of the marriage.
Thanks, Stupid Jerry Maguire Movie Quote 1 of 10
You're a whole person going into this relationship. Remember that having a partner doesn't mean that he completes you. (Shut up, Jerry Maguire.) He complements you. Love yourself first and be happy enough to share that person with the man you love.
Comfy Shoes 2 of 10
Wear Comfortable Shoes. Weddings are day-long events and I know you have a gorgeous pair of shoes to walk down the aisle in, but bring along another comfortable pair so you can dance the night away.
Bridesmaid Tribe 3 of 10
A Tribe of Bridesmaids. Whatever happens on the day of the wedding, you'll turn to your bridesmaids for help. Remember this once you're married. You chose those women for a reason: they are your tribe and you will need them for the rest of your life.
Just the 2 of you 4 of 10
Take a moment for just the two of you. Every day between now and your wedding will be filled with to-do lists, crafting, and troubleshooting of your plans. Every day between now and your wedding I want you to take a deep breath together. Especially on your wedding day. If the two of you have to sneak off for a 5-minute break, do it. Take a moment, look around, and keep moving forward.
Traditions 5 of 10
Traditions are only a guidebook. I know you feel pressured with all the "traditions" thrown at you by family and friends. Throw all that advice away. There's no wrong way to do this and it is YOUR day (along with your groom's), so don't feel bad about breaking some stupid etiquette rule. I'm proud of you for determining that you won't put "obey" in your vows. That's for dogs and small children. Not marriages.
You do YOU 6 of 10
I love your style, kid. It fits you when you dress for work, for play, and will fit you on your wedding day. Again, there's no wrong way to do anything. You're going to be beautiful no matter what. Have fun dressing up!
Choose a direction 7 of 10
Go in the same direction. Once you hold hands and leave after the vows are spoken, make sure you go in the same direction as your spouse. Sometimes you'll be walking and he'll be running. You might skip while he strolls. It doesn't matter the pace, so long as your goal is in a common direction. During your marriage, you'll both get to determine what route that is.
Carry one another 8 of 10
Carry each other. On your actual wedding day you will feel different stressors than your husband-to-be. The same thing happens in a marriage. Sometimes, you'll carry him when the weight load is too much and, in turn, he will carry you. Only one person gets to be crazy at a time. No matter whose turn it is, communicate that with one another. Over-communicate it if you have to.
Perfection? Bah humbug. 9 of 10
Perfect isn't an aspiration. Things will go wrong, the music may experience hiccups, the flowers may wilt and guess what? Everything will be okay. You might get caught up when all your planning seems to be for naught, but don't fret. The perfect wedding day means that by the end of it you two will be married. Keep your eyes on the prize.
Remember the focus 10 of 10
This is about the two of you. You're both the center of the day and I promise you, as your mother, to smack down anyone who tries to steal the spotlight from you (luckily, you have amazing friends and family so that's not a real threat). The rest of us are there in the background to support you and witness a precious moment in your lives. I, for one, am going to be honored to see it.
Photo credit to CBS Television via WikiMedia Commons
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