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10 Reasons I Don’t Hate the Taxman

TAXES2by Elizabeth Beller

It’s April. Thank GOD. You’ve  made it through the winter holidays and then the spring ones. You are ready for a long stretch in which parties, when they occur, are not so coercive, do not require costumes, forced good cheer, or the reading from a book and discussion of slaves before dinner is served.  A sigh of relief. Then the IRS rears its ugly head.

PANIC! Which lasts until the moment you simply accept that you must spend a good chunk of time, a few work days at least, on yet another mundane adult task. The problem with all these tasks is that they conspire to rob you of your life– the one you would be otherwise enjoying. The life which, you must acknowledge, you wouldn’t have to begin with if you didn’t buckle down to do these adult tasks.

But then it hits you…You don’t really mind the taxman. You don’t love April 15th, mind you, but there are many other things you prefer, such as birthdays (cake!) and Mother’s Day (more cake if I get my way!) But there are things about Uncle Sam’s Annual Day of Reckoning that can be construed as good.

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  • NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS 1 of 10
    NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
    I know most people take stock in December and start anew in January. But frankly I'm usually in a rather boozy, heavy hors d'ouvre, cocktail party haze during the holidays, while simultaneously dealing with the daddy issues the season always conjure. It's not my time for self-improvement . The ancient Babylonians celebrated their new year to coincide with the beginning of spring until the Romans, along with murderous pillaging, changed things to the Julian Calendar. But their empire lasted 2,500 years and the Romans only 1,700 if you stretch the numbers. Happy New Spring Resolutions.
  • REALITY CHECK 2 of 10
    REALITY CHECK
    We take stock to formulate our New Year's Resolutions. It's best to take stock in one lump sum, and doing your taxes provides a convenient segue-way to financial reality that we're most likely to ignore after the profligate high holidays. Nothing like your W-2 for a reality check. Plus, there's something to be said for moving from panic to the tentative feeling you have things under (provisional) control.
  • SUMMER LOVING 3 of 10
    SUMMER LOVING
    It's also the last possible moment to start a healthy exercise and eating regime if you want to feel comfortable in a bathing suit. But this means summer is coming! Swimming! Popsicles! Mosquitos bites! Sunburn! Oh, wait….
  • ADULTS ONLY 4 of 10
    ADULTS ONLY
    Doing your taxes is a sure sign of responsible adulthood. Many kids (ok, well, I did) harbor fantasies about some kind of a hobo life when they're not fantasizing about becoming world beloved royalty. The hobo fantasy is in part because they can't imagine being responsible for such an adult enterprise as doing taxes. Filing with the IRS means you are unequivocally an sentient adult.
  • THE BEATLES WROTE A GREAT SONG ABOUT IT 5 of 10
    THE BEATLES WROTE A GREAT SONG ABOUT IT
    So much for the adult me. But it was an epiphany moment, the impending federal authority in wait as parental authority was one the wane. It was something a teen could only begin to grasp through pop songs. George Harrison wasn't just singing, but lecturing "Now my advice for those who die, Declare the pennies on your eyes". Which leads to my next topic:
  • RELIABILITY 6 of 10
    RELIABILITY
    Death and taxes. No matter how many flakes and butterflies and non-commitants annoy the %#%#%# out of you, you can be sure The Grim Reaper and Uncle Sam will eventually show. It's good to know there are men you can count on out there.
  • GOOD WORKS 7 of 10
    GOOD WORKS
    The government actually does some good things with your tax dollars when they're not using them to fight imaginary weapons of mass destruction. Education, infrastructure, social services, regulation, and enforcing the law. We'll fall like both the Babylonians and Romans unless we can keep ourselves civilized with these measures.
  • COMMUNITY COFFEE 8 of 10
    COMMUNITY COFFEE
    Given the bipartisan nature of our country, gaping economic divides, extremists of every kind, the isolating nature of telecommuting, and drivers who inspire road rage in their unfamiliarity with a nifty thing called an INDICATOR, we need a communal experience. I like that we can all agree to "unlike" April 15th.
  • EXTENSIONS: A PROCRASTINATORS DREAM 9 of 10
    EXTENSIONS: A PROCRASTINATORS DREAM
    The beloved phrase "extensions!" was never uttered with such frequency and relish even in Beyonce's personal home shrine to herself. For those of us who will of course come around to having our communal, adult, citizen's contribution and midlife-crisis-inducing paperwork filed, it can still feel great to pull the anchor for a few weeks to get those numbers properly and precisely crunched.
  • PERSPECTIVE 10 of 10
    PERSPECTIVE
    A yearly event that not only forces the summation of a year's earning, but is an actual legal requirement, can put some small things in perspective. It's OK that one time your two year olds breakfast consisted of cracker crumbs and Altoids found in the backseat and fed to him by his 6 year old sister. It's OK that she has also taught him to take off his diaper and pee in all the flower pots while she practices her Harlem Shake. At least you paid your taxes.
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