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10 Reasons I'm Joining The Royal Bump Watch

I’m not proud of being on Royal Bump Watch. I actually could say that about a lot of things I do. But I’m pulling up a chair to bump-watch Kate Middleton and wondering fretfully if Prince William will be called off a polo horse when Baby Cambridge arrives. I’m not alone — there’s even a Royal Baby Watch Itunes app! The Motherhood Industrial Complex is a powerful thing. I mean, you’re on a parenting website right now. Everyone gets a whitewash with motherhood (thank GOD), and the arrival of Baby Buckingham will push the monarchy further into the 21st century. Yes, the Royal Family lives off the British citizens’ tax dollars with a few speeches, ribbon cuttings, and over-the-top weddings to show for it. But Queen Elizabeth alone, with her Bond appearances, unwavering professionalism, and now approval of the British Gay Marriage Bill, is worth keeping the monarchy around. And to keep the monarchy around, there need to be more little Mountbattens/Windsors/Cambridges!! Here are 10 more reasons I’m joining the Royal Bump Watch.

  • History 1 of 10
    Prince Charles, Prince of Wales, Queen Elizabeth II, Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge and Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, stand on the balcony during the annual 'Trooping the Colour' ceremony at Buckingham Palace in London

    I've always said the geneology craze reflects a need for placement and identity in an internet culture currently desensitized to personhood. Who better to illustrate this desire than a family whose lineage, troubled history, deadly mistakes, and dogged determination to adhere to a supposed idealistic way of life than Prince Charles and his boys, their girls, and the resulting next generation?

    Photo credit: Pacific Coast News 

  • The Name Game 2 of 10
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    Willie, Willie, bo-billie, Banana-fana fo-fillie, Mee-Mi-mo-millie, Willie! We'll finally find out the Royal Name. And some people (ahem) have some serious cash riding on this.

    Photo credit: Dreamstime

  • Mad Morrissey 3 of 10
    Singer Morrissey leaves the Soundgarden concert at The Wiltern in Los Angeles

    Nothing makes the anti-monarchist angrier than fawning over the royals. And making Morrissey mad seems like an obligation, given that he clearly enjoys his anger management issues.

    Photo credit: Pacific Coast News

  • Who Will The Baby Look Like? 4 of 10
    The Royal Family participates in the annual tradition of Trooping the Colour, also known as 'The Queen's Birthday Parade,' in London

    There's an old saying that babies look like their father to ensure their survival, and only later does their RNA take over and they morph into themselves. Who will the baby look like? Will? Kate? There's a hilariously salacious rumor the baby could come out with lovely red locks...Harry!!!

    Photo credit: Pacific Coast News

  • Parents Waiting to Name Their Baby after The Royal Baby 5 of 10
    ROYAL BABY MANIA HAS BEGUN! Ladders and chairs are set up by photographers outside of St. Mary's Hospital in prep for the royal baby

    Thousands of crazed Windsor fans are waiting to name their babies after Kate and William. And the ones already born just need a name already! It will be very interesting to see how many Phillip Arthur William Charles Harrys or Diana Charlotte Cathering Elizabeths there will be in the Class of '31!

    Photo credit: Pacific Coast News

  • What Will Kate Be Like As A Mom? 6 of 10
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    The Duchess of Cambridge has a reputation for having nary a hair out of place, an impossible goal when you are a human jungle gym and food source. Will Kate remain perfectly coiffed, or will she go the Jennifer Garner route, leaving the house without a blow dry and wearing mom jeans?

    Photo credit: Dreamstime 

  • Royal Reality 7 of 10
    h

    I want to see how Kate and William will give their baby a sense of normalcy amongst the madding crowds. This was important to Princess Diana and is probably what gave William and Harry their human touch. What will their version be?

     Photo credit: Dreamstime

  • Drama! 8 of 10
    Camilla Duchess of Cornwall and Prince Charles attend the inauguration of King Willem-Alexander and Queen Maxima at Nieuwe Kerk in Amsterdam

    And as a member of the human race, Diana loved her drama stunts! The British monarchy has been providing non-stop drama for centuries. From Henry VIII's marriage proclivities to Elizabeth I vs. The Spanish Armada to Wallis Simpson to Camillagate, I'm not only pulling up my chair to watch, I'm getting popcorn!

    Photo source: Pacific Coast News

  • Holidays 9 of 10
    h

    They don't skimp on holidays, and I'm dying to find out if the Baby Royal will arrive before the queen's corgis get stir crazy waiting for their summer sojourn to Scotland. But that unflappable lady says she'll go anyway!

     Photo credit: Dreamstime

  • Waity Katy 10 of 10
    h

    Given the taunts Kate Middleton has endured about waiting forever for Prince William to close the deal, I think it's brilliant that she's making everyone wait for the arrival of the Royal Kid. She seems to love her husband, and if she wanted to spend her life with him, it was wise to not attempt coercion on a guy who is used to getting his way...until she got a ring on it (hello, Beyonce). So this is perfect karma.

     Photo credit: Dreamstime

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