I love Disney World so much it’s not even funny. I’m maybe one trip away from being one of those people who wears their Disney visor and
flair pins on a lanyard like ALL THE TIME.
I’ve only been twice with my kids, but the last time, we went for a full week. And I learned some stuff. The big lesson? Kids will be kids, even at the happiest place on earth. But if you’re ready for it, it somehow becomes less annoying and horrifying and much easier to giggle at and move past.
Here’s what I mean:
- They will touch all of the things. Especially the ones with millions of germs. Then they will touch their face. They may also just bypass touching them with their hands and put their mouths directly on all of the things. Even big kids. I don’t know why.
- They will ask you to buy them all of the things. Then they will be sad when you won’t.
- They will get sunblock in their eyes. Then they will cry. You will probably get sunblock in your eyes at some point, too, and be like: “This hurts like a bastard. No wonder you cried.”
- They will have one moment per day where being hot, tired, and hungry/thirsty may cause them to behave in a manner that could be interpreted as ungrateful. It is not that they’re ungrateful; they’re merely hot, tired, hungry/thirsty and overwhelmed with it all.
- Please remember this when you find yourself snapping at your kids for putting their mouths on the railings, as if TRYING to acquire as many infectious diseases as possible. You’re merely hot, tired, and hungry/thirsty, and they’re just being kids.
- You will ask them if they need to go to the bathroom. They will say no. Within 15 minutes, when it is the least possible convenient moment, they will need to urgently evacuate their bladders.
- You will buy them a tasty (ever so slightly overpriced) treat that they have been begging for. They will take three bites (or sips), see something AMAZING AND MAGICAL, and the treat will be immediately jettisoned in favor of that new thing.
- You will have one of those horrible moments. One minute the kid was there, and the next the kid was GONE. You will scream their name using your terrified mom voice and completely freak the freak out. They will have been standing behind you the whole time, looking confused.
- They will say, “I CAN DO IT, MOMMY! I can ride that ride! I can stay another hour! I can wait in that line! It’s not too much for me!” They will be wrong.
- They will see other kids behaving badly. They will look at you like: “WHOOOOAAA. That kid just lost his dang mind.” They will do this 20 minutes after having a huge crying spell because their granola bar was broken.