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10 Worst Things To Say To A Mom Getting Divorced And My Responses

Have you ever stifled yourself from saying what pops into your head. You know when someone says something so dumb, or cruel, or passive aggressive, and you have this zinger on the tip of your tongue that you are dying to unleash, but you don’t, because you are too polite for that. Well, sometimes you have to dispense with niceties. Sometimes you just need to let someone have it, get it off your chest, let it go. That’s what I have been wanting to do ever since I started telling people about my divorce.

For the longest time I didn’t share any of the gorey details of why my divorce was happening because I wanted to protect my kids from unwanted inquiries and commentary. As a result there were a lot of people who were taken by surprise when I finally did start talking about my divorce. Many offered kind words of support, but there were still more than a few who said the worst things imaginable, things that left my mouth agape. I mean, why would you say that to a mom getting a divorce. But what did I do? Did I let them have it and tell them how I really felt? No. I didn’t. I didn’t stand up for myself. That was a problem in my marriage too. It took me five years to get this divorce finalized. I fought hard to take a stand for myself. It’s time I did that in all areas of my life don’t you think? (Yeah, that was rhetorical.)

I wouldn’t think it would be necessary to educate people about consideration, but then again, I also never thought I would be getting a divorce. Just goes to show you how life can take an unexpected sharp turn, you just have to lean into it and right your course once again. It can take a herculean effort, but the alternative is to give up, and that’s just not a choice you have as a mom, in my humble opinion.

I held my tongue against these dumb comments in real time but they have since haunted me. Don’t you wish sometimes you could go back in time and say what you were really thinking? Well, thanks to my blog, I can. So please indulge me as I get a few retorts off my chest in the interest of healing, standing up for myself, and moving on.

Here are the 10 worst things to say to a mom getting divorced, what I wanted to say, what I did say, and what I will say going forward.

 

1. I could never do that to my kids

What I wanted to say: “What, you mean make sure they are safe, provided for and loved? Sure, that makes sense.”

What I did say: Nothing

What I will say going forward: “I am doing this FOR my kids and myself. Your judgement is neither needed, nor appreciated.”

 

2. But he’s so handsome. You were lucky to get him.

What I wanted to say: “Yeah, the problem is many people got lucky with him.”

What I did say: Nothing

What I will say going forward: “Yes, about as lucky as I am to have you for a friend it seems.”

 

3. You just wait, in a few months I bet you two will be back together. I guarantee it.

What I wanted to say: “Is this a money back guarantee, cuz I take cash, check and charge.”

What I did say: Nothing

What I will say going forward: “Just wait, in a few months I won’t be taking your call. I guarantee it.”

 

4. You know men have needs. You can’t blame them.

What I wanted to say: “But I can blame you for being ignorant.”

What I did say: Nothing

What I will say going forward: “I have needs too, and I need to get them attended to. If you blame for that the we don’t need to have this conversation.”

 

5. This is not what God wants for you.

What I wanted to say: “That’s not what she told me.”

What I did say: Nothing

What I will say going forward: “The God I believe in wants my kids and me to be happy, healthy and safe. It’s too bad you aren’t more like her.”

 

6. Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, you’re not getting any younger.

What I wanted to say: “You’re right, please hand me my walker.”

What I did say: Nothing

What I will say going forward: “Oh, I’m sure I want to do this, what I’m not sure about is whether I still want to be your friend.”

 

7. Ugh, I would hate to have to go back to dating.

What I wanted to say: “Yes, you would have a hard time.” 

What I did say: Nothing

What I will say going forward: “And I would hate to have to go back to being emotionally abused. We all have our hurdles.”

 

8. If you need someone to help you get over him, give me your number.

What I wanted to say: “1-800-NoW-ayIn x:Hell”

What I did say: Nothing

What I will say going forward: “He will need to get over me. Perhaps you should give him a call.”

 

9. Marriage isn’t easy I know, but you have to work at it. You can’t just give up.

What I wanted to say: “Yes, because 18 years wasn’t long enough for me to really know.”

What I did say: Nothing

What I will say going forward: “What I am not giving up on is myself.”

 

10. Wow, you’re brave.

What I wanted to say: “Gee … thanks … I feel so much more confident now.”

What I did say: Nothing

What I will say going forward: “Yes, yes I am!”

 

What would you have said?

 

SMILE On!

Miss Lori

 

If you enjoyed this empowering piece please read  10 Things To Do Before Filing For Divorce13 Things To Do Once The Divorce Is Finalized12 Ways To Be Your Own Valentine All Year Long, and Miss Lori Uses A Camera Lens To Combat Bullying.

 

Additional work from Miss Lori can be found at

MissLori.TVWearetherealdeal.comYoungChicagonista, and TheChicagoMoms.com.

You can also see her Activating to Be Great at 

Miss Lori’s CAMPUS on YouTubeFacebookTwitterPinterestInstagram, and LinkedIn.

 

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