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11 Things You’d Definitely Judge About My Parenting

Moms judge. Let’s not try to  pretend like we don’t because we do. We all do. But it’s okay, I think it’s natural actually to judge another mother’s parenting as a method to judge our own. Judging is one way we find our own path, how we figure what we believe is the right way to parent. Or maybe we’re just insecure, catty bitches. I don’t know. But really, isn’t it easier to just wear the things we worry about being judged for right out in the open rather than try to pretend to be some kind of supermom? So if it makes you feel better about yourself to hear the things I know you’ll judge me for then this should be like a spa day for your soul!

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  • Dance Moms 1 of 11
    Dance Moms
    My daughters all love Dance Moms.</i< It started because I was watching it like you'd watch a car crash...or The Bachelor but then the kids really got into the dancing. Now they know way more about the show than I do. They can tell you which mom is the mom to each girl, who left for the Candy Apples and who is on the top of the pyramid each week. I'm not proud, just being honest.
  • Sugar bugs! 2 of 11
    Sugar bugs!
    My twins regularly skip brushing their teeth OR do a really lame job of it. At our most recent trip to the dentist, it turned out that Elby who brushes her teeth quite regularly was the only one with a cavity but still...it's pure laziness that I don't insist on it every night and morning. Would anyone be willing to come to my house twice a day to supervise flossing and brushing? For free?
  • Happy Meals make them happy 3 of 11
    Happy Meals make them happy
    Yes, once ever couple of weeks (or more frequently) we get some Happy Meals and eat them right smack in front of the TV. Yeah! I said that shit! And I live in Los Angeles where it's like, against the law or something. Once Sadie carried a bag of McDonald's french fries around with her at Whole Foods. That was awesome.
  • I often buy toys for no reason 4 of 11
    I often buy toys for no reason
    There we'll be, browsing through Target. Mission? Buy a gift for someone else's birthday party. But before we leave, someone spots a thing they reeeeally reeeeeeeeaaallllly want and I end up buying each kid some little thing. I can't help it. I'm a sucker. Judge away.
  • Sometimes whining wins 5 of 11
    Sometimes whining wins
    I hate that this is true. I'd love to sit here and tell you that I never ever give in to whining. I want to look you in the eye and say "when my kids whine, I tell them 'I do not respond to whining, if you want something you need to use a big girl voice'" I'd love to tell you that but it would be a lie. Because sometimes, like when I am exhausted, it's just easier to give in. Not always, but sometimes.
  • Sometimes I play rap or other entertainment in the car with swearing 6 of 11
    Sometimes I play rap or other entertainment in the car with swearing
    I try not to. Mostly they don't hear it. But sometimes I already have on a rap CD or the uncensored comedy radio and before I have a chance to change the channel, they heard a bunch of expletives that I have to explain. And sometimes I just don't change the channel. You know, if it's Chris Rock. Cause that shit is funny.
  • I didn’t breast feed. 7 of 11
    I didn't breast feed.
    I tried for three weeks with Elby and I pumped with the twins for a month (making all of a Nyquil cup of colostrum) but other than that it was all formula. People love to pass judgement on this so go for it! I'm over it.
  • I have given my twins Benatryl just because 8 of 11
    I have given my twins Benatryl just because
    It all started because Matilda was having night terrors and the pediatrician said to give her Benadryl before bed for a week to get her to transition into the next sleep cycle without waking. I know! A prescription for Benadryl! Well, if you think we didn't occasionally give it after that in extreme "non sleep" situations, you'd be wrong.
  • Stomach sleeping 9 of 11
    Stomach sleeping
    Go ahead, JUDGE. My kids all slept better on their stomachs. With Elby, we discovered it when she was 9 weeks old and took a nap on her tummy that turned into an all night snooze. We immediately bought a breathing monitor because I am a classic neurotic and used it until she was out of SIDS danger. The twins were used to sleeping on their stomachs in the NICU and with a monitor eventually slept on their stomachs at home too.
  • My kids work my iPhone better than I do. 10 of 11
    My kids work my iPhone better than I do.
    Self explanatory right? But why are they playing on my iPhone so much you might ask. Exactly. Go ahead and judge.
  • I have been known to bribe Sadie to eat 11 of 11
    I have been known to bribe Sadie to eat
    And even that's not usually effective but I have stooped to very low levels to get the kid to eat. I realize that offering toys isn't the healthiest way to inspire a kid to develop good eating habits but desperate times have called for desperate measures. When you've had to offer toys to get your kid to finish her ice cream, you will know what I mean. Until then, judge away Judgy Judgerson.

Want more from me on Babble? Try Are You Down With PPP (Privileged People’s Problems or Ten Things I Wish You Wouldn’t Say In Front of My Daughter

Follow me on  Twitter, Please! Come on! Don’t be a douche!

Check out my personal blog Baby On Bored

MORE ON BABBLE:

11 signs you’re a babysitter’s worst nightmare
12 things you shouldn’t feed your kids… but probably do
The 10 biggest lies we tell our kids
17 products every mom should have
20 things all women secretly do

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