15 Ways Our House Is Like A School CafeteriaJohn Cave Osborne
Our house is like a school cafeteria. No, really, it is. Such is the case, I suppose, when you have a tween, a set of (nearly) six-year-old triplets, and a toddler. Lotta ages. Lotta meals. Good times.
Like last week, when Caroline was out of town and yours truly was left to tend to our large brood. During only the second week of school — a time when all of us were still getting used to our new schedules. Especially the triplets, who’d just started kindergarten. But no problem, right?
Wrong. Because this cafeteria employee is used to the evening shift. The whole “on command” breakfast situation threw me for a loop. Not to worry, though, I was a quick study. A versatile one, too. Thus, after a couple quick bowls of cereal, four waffles, and a somewhat-pathetic-but-still-passable turkey sausage initiative — BOOM — we were out the door. Right on time.
Wait. That’s a lie. We were super late, but whatever. We were fed and happy.
Actually, I think there was minor discord, but come on, y’all. What do you think I am? A miracle worker? At least the kids were well fed. Which, after all, is the goal of any good cafeteria, right?
Here are 15 ways our house is like a school cafeteria.
15 Ways Our House Is Like A School Cafeteria 1 of 16
There’s plenty of seating 2 of 16
Like any good cafeteria, we have plenty of seating available. That's a must, you know.
We’ll totally go bananas on you 3 of 16
Ever notice how cafeterias always have a bunch of bananas on hand? Well we do, too. It's nature's perfect fruit, after all.
We’ll even … 4 of 16
We'll even cut 'em up for you. Because we're helpful like that.
There are a lotta different moods represented 5 of 16
Cafeterias are a catchall for moods, no? Some kids are fussy, and some can't stop laughing, while others just wanna get their milk on. Same deal at our house. Lotta different moods.
Outside seating? 6 of 16
While the majority of our meals go down inside, every now and then, we'll let our students take their eats outside. Because we're environmentally in touch like that.
We take the occasional field trip 7 of 16
Every now and then, we suspend our daily meals inside the cafeteria so that our students might enjoy a field trip. If they're lucky, they might even find themselves seated next to their favorite teacher. (She's my favorite teacher, too.)
Our cafeteria gets messy 8 of 16
And spaghetti is often to blame. Still, though, no need to get upset. Nothing we can't handle.
Dessert is served 9 of 16
So, like all school cafeterias, we obviously offer dessert. Ice cream usually. But you gotta eat all your veggies first.
Buyers should beware! 10 of 16
But dessert is most definitely a buyer beware kinda situation, as we cannot and will not be held liable for the preposterous ice-cream-goatees that tend to accompany your favorite frozen treat.
There’s a new crop of students 11 of 16
Like any school cafeteria, we're always prepared for the next crop of students that will inevitably come along.
Not everyone follows the dress code 12 of 16
And no matter how charming these new students might be, we have no choice but to enforce our strict dress code.
Only it's not that strict. I mean, we gave up on the shoes long ago, but we still ABSOLUTELY require shirts.
And would it kill you to zip it up? My goodness...
We take a hands-on approach 13 of 16
As is the case with most of our little diners, the workers at our cafeteria employ a hands-on approach.
There’s mystery meat 14 of 16
But that hands-on approach doesn't mean that we don't ever serve meals that confuse our pint-sized patrons. Because every now and then, our head chef manages to whoop up a batch of her own mystery meat.
I know what you're thinking, but there's no way our head chef would ever take offense to such a comment.
She NEVER reads my stuff. Like ever, y'all.
… and our peas? 15 of 16
And yet another way we're exactly like a school cafeteria:
Our peas? They suck, too.
(Relax. I'm telling you, she NEVER reads this stuff.)
Our main objectives are alike 16 of 16
Just like any school cafeteria, our main objective is that you leave our modest kitchen with a full belly.
Mission accomplished with this little guy. He was about to pop.
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