16 Awkward Adult Halloween Costumes

You know what’s the best thing about being a grown-up during the month of October? Not having to find a Halloween costume and dress up for this thing any longer. Finally, the societal pressure to conform to costumed silliness is gone. Because unless you are 1) performing in a theater, or 2) performing in a movie or television show, or 3) working at a theme park, or 4) attempting an undercover sting operation, or 5) under the age of 12, there’s really no reason for you to be dressing up as anything other than yourself. Pretty much ever. There, I said it.

That’s an easy-enough thing to write, I guess, but you’re probably the kind of reader who wants evidence. OK, then. Click through the gallery of terrible adult Halloween costumes below. Here’s your proof.

  • 16 Awkward Adult Halloween Costumes 1 of 17
    16-awkward-adult-halloween-costumes

    Click through...if you dare. I don't recommend it.

  • Inflatable Horse 2 of 17
    inflatable-horse1

    Because at some point, cowgirl, you're gonna have to go to the bathroom.

    [photo source]

  • Toy Story’s Woody 3 of 17
    Woody1

    You call it a Halloween costume. I call it a man-sized, pajama onesie. With cowboy boots.

    [photo source]

  • Middle Finger 4 of 17
    middle-finger

    Givin' it right back to you, buddy.

    [photo source]

  • Plug and Socket 5 of 17
    plug-and-socket1

    If this isn't a case for going off the grid, I don't know what is.

    [photo source]

  • Sperm 6 of 17
    sperm

    If an adult's Halloween costume prompts a curb-side discussion of the birds and the bees with my children, you need to go away, Shades.

    [photo source]

  • Penguin 7 of 17
    penguin1

    If I see you wearing this penguin costume, the first thing I'll do is hand you a drink. Whatcha gonna do now, flippers-for-hands?

    [photo source]

  • Morning Wood Boxers 8 of 17
    morning-wood

    No. No no no NO NO no.

    [photo source]

  • Cow 9 of 17
    cow

    Udderly ridiculous.

    [photo source]

  • Pimp 10 of 17
    pimp1

    No, in fact, I don't want to have to explain to my girls what a pimp is, and why someone would dress like one, even though the zebra stripes are kind of awesome.

    [photo source]

  • Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 11 of 17
    Stay-Puft1

    The only way I would allow this is if the wearer also walked down the middle of the street stomping and growling and knocking over children. And brought along Bill Murray.

    [photo source]

  • Miss German-Breast 12 of 17
    Miss-German-breast1

    I don't know what bothers me more: the lame fake boobs, or the fact that you have to tote around two fake pitchers of beer all night.

    [photo source]

  • Men’s Tooth Fairy 13 of 17
    Tooth-Fairy

    My kids see this, and I promise you they will never wiggle a tooth again.

    [photo source]

  • Scary Tree 14 of 17
    scary-tree

    The only way this tree would be scary is if you stood in people's yard, and waited until they came near, and then attacked them with a chainsaw (not included).

    [photo source]

  • When Birds Attack 15 of 17
    Birds-attack

    When Alfred Hitchcock had nightmares, they were probably of this.

    [photo source]

  • Velvet Ursula 16 of 17
    Ursula1

    If the obese, tentacled sea-witch from The Little Mermaid had looked like this, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have needed to turn into that trampy Vanessa girl in order to get Prince Eric's attention. I know too much about the plot of The Little Mermaid. Send help. 

    [photo source]

  • Mommy, I Don’t Want to Grow Up 17 of 17
    Grow-Up

    OK, fine, I might wear this one.

    [photo source]

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