16 Awkward Adult Halloween CostumesKristen Howerton
You know what’s the best thing about being a grown-up during the month of October? Not having to find a Halloween costume and dress up for this thing any longer. Finally, the societal pressure to conform to costumed silliness is gone. Because unless you are 1) performing in a theater, or 2) performing in a movie or television show, or 3) working at a theme park, or 4) attempting an undercover sting operation, or 5) under the age of 12, there’s really no reason for you to be dressing up as anything other than yourself. Pretty much ever. There, I said it.
That’s an easy-enough thing to write, I guess, but you’re probably the kind of reader who wants evidence. OK, then. Click through the gallery of terrible adult Halloween costumes below. Here’s your proof.
16 Awkward Adult Halloween Costumes 1 of 17
Click through...if you dare. I don't recommend it.
Inflatable Horse 2 of 17
Because at some point, cowgirl, you're gonna have to go to the bathroom.
Toy Story’s Woody 3 of 17
You call it a Halloween costume. I call it a man-sized, pajama onesie. With cowboy boots.
Middle Finger 4 of 17
Givin' it right back to you, buddy.
Plug and Socket 5 of 17
If this isn't a case for going off the grid, I don't know what is.
Sperm 6 of 17
If an adult's Halloween costume prompts a curb-side discussion of the birds and the bees with my children, you need to go away, Shades.
Penguin 7 of 17
If I see you wearing this penguin costume, the first thing I'll do is hand you a drink. Whatcha gonna do now, flippers-for-hands?
Morning Wood Boxers 8 of 17
No. No no no NO NO no.
Cow 9 of 17
Pimp 10 of 17
No, in fact, I don't want to have to explain to my girls what a pimp is, and why someone would dress like one, even though the zebra stripes are kind of awesome.
Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 11 of 17
The only way I would allow this is if the wearer also walked down the middle of the street stomping and growling and knocking over children. And brought along Bill Murray.
Miss German-Breast 12 of 17
I don't know what bothers me more: the lame fake boobs, or the fact that you have to tote around two fake pitchers of beer all night.
Men’s Tooth Fairy 13 of 17
My kids see this, and I promise you they will never wiggle a tooth again.
Scary Tree 14 of 17
The only way this tree would be scary is if you stood in people's yard, and waited until they came near, and then attacked them with a chainsaw (not included).
When Birds Attack 15 of 17
When Alfred Hitchcock had nightmares, they were probably of this.
Velvet Ursula 16 of 17
If the obese, tentacled sea-witch from The Little Mermaid had looked like this, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have needed to turn into that trampy Vanessa girl in order to get Prince Eric's attention. I know too much about the plot of The Little Mermaid. Send help.
Mommy, I Don’t Want to Grow Up 17 of 17
OK, fine, I might wear this one.