18 Questions Parents Secretly Ask ThemselvesEllen Seidman
How was Stonehenge built?
Is there extraterrestrial life?
Has nobody ever told Donald Trump he needs a better haircut?
And yet, the everyday head-scratchers that crop up once you become a parent can be every bit as perplexing as these biggies (and some days, even more so). Ever asked yourself any of these questions?
I don’t have the answers, but I can totally relate.
Photo credit: Flickr/happyworker
Just what exactly is the allure of Thomas the Tank? 1 of 18Yeah, he's a train and kids love them some trains. Still, he and his pals have zero personality and the storylines are a yawn. Thomas becomes a transvestite: Now that would be awesome.
Photo credit: Flickr/Jim Capaldi
Is it possible to go insane from being forced to play peek-a-boo too many times? 2 of 18
Why isn’t mac ‘n cheese a food group? 3 of 18It's mysteriously missing from the food pyramid. Alert the authorities!
Photo credit: Flickr/ginnerobot
How come kids mistake moms for human tissues? 4 of 18News flash: My sleeve is part of my clothing; it is not your snot rag.
Photo credit: Flickr/penreyes
Why don’t kids appreciate how creative you can be? 5 of 18You: "Look! This duck got into a fight and he had to get stitches!"
You: "Come on, that's so cool!"
Kids: "Where do bananas come from, Mommy?"
Photo credit: Flickr/Camera Eye Photography
Whatever happened to that body part formerly known as my abs? 6 of 18
Is my kid someday gonna realize I’m not completely sure of what I’m doing? 7 of 18Perhaps, but hopefully she'll be 37 at that point. Until then I'll just keep right on repeating, "Because I'm the mom and I said so!"
Photo credit: Flickr/Melissa Clark
How is it possible the other moms can’t tell I HAVE THE CUTEST BABY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD? 8 of 18
Is it so bad to let your child skip bathtime (again) because you’re exhausted? 9 of 18A diaper-wipes cleanup is even more sanitary than sitting around in icky bath water, the Surgeon General has determined. (In my dreams.)
Photo credit: Flickr/Lindsey Sorenson
Is Sophie the Giraffe secretly flavored with crack? 10 of 18I've never actually licked her myself, but I'm gonna try and see if I get high.
Photo credit: Flickr/surlygirl
Why hasn’t anybody yet invented a self-cleaning playroom? 11 of 18Come on, IKEA!
Photo credit: Flickr/Elizabeth/Table4Five
Is it OK to still desperately want the birthday cake slice with a flower? 12 of 18I personally think so, unless you pummel a toddler to snag it.
Photo credit: Flickr/Rick Kempel
Will he someday require therapy for that? 13 of 18
Just how wrong is it to sometimes wish it were just you and your cat again? 14 of 18
Where do kids get their fashion sense from? 15 of 18And wouldn't it be awesome if you didn't have to bother matching outfits?
Photo credit: Flickr/cathyse97
What sort of warped person names an ice-cream truck Mister Softee? 16 of 18Snicker, snicker.
Photo credit: Flickr/Ezra.Wolfe>
Why can’t the kids to leave you alone while you’re in the shower? 17 of 18OMG, I won't even condition my hair! Just let me soap up peace!
Photo credit: Flickr/Evil Erin
HOW LONG UNTIL BEDTIME? 18 of 18
Read more from Ellen at Love That Max
More to read from 1000 Perplexing Things About Parenthood: