When Lamar and I met, I had two kids. After he proposed, we had a conversation where I told him exactly what I was looking for in a husband. I told him I needed a partner who would share in all things family-related: from taking care of the kids to doing housework. I wasn’t interested in being married to a person who “helped out” from time to time. Luckily, Lamar did not take his ring and run for the hills from this ready-made family he was about to join. Instead, he took on the challenge and became the best husband, father, and, yes, partner that I could ask for.
Hear me out: there is nothing wrong with helping your spouse. Being helpful is a good thing! However, you should not be satisfied with being just a helper or someone who assists. Your spouse needs a partner — someone who shares in the responsibilities of taking care of the home, the kids, the finances, and the overall health of your marriage.
The Difference Between Being a Partner and a Helper
A partner has a stake in the game — meaning he or she has ownership. A partner is not going to wait until someone asks for help. A partner has a vested interest in seeing the marriage and family succeed. A helper, on the other hand, will assist but does not take on ownership. A helper can decide to participate or opt-out because it’s not their responsibility, after all. A partner will step up to the plate whether he or she feels like it or not.
Why Your Spouse Needs a Partner
- Your spouse needs a partner because there’s nothing better than knowing that you have someone to share this journey called life with.
- Your spouse needs a partner because as you’re building this life together, you both share an equal role in its growth and the responsibilities that go along with it.
- Your spouse needs a partner because it’s incredibly lonely and stressful when you are not sure that they will always be there with their support.
How a Partnership Can Set You Up for Long-Term Success
Being partners does not mean you share every task or responsibility 50-50. There are things that Lamar handles, and there are things that I handle. But as partners, we never allow the other person to be stressed or overwhelmed. We have each other’s backs. And when I fall short, he is there to carry me. I have had helpers in the past. It was nice at times, but other times it was nerve-racking and full of uncertainty.
In the end, there is nothing that feels more comfortable, secure, or safe than knowing that your spouse is your partner.