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6 Easy Steps to a Gorgeous Christmas Wreath!

As you may already know, I am not what you’d call a crafty person. (Cunning, yes. But inclined toward making crafts, no.) We usually go half-assed or store-bought when it comes to things like holiday decorations.

But last week, I was feeling inspired. I’d noticed so many lovely (and not-so-lovely) wreaths on doors around town, that I was wishing we had one of our own. A real, evergreen one would have been ideal, but the $20 – $40 they can cost is a lot, given that they’re a one-time-use item.

Fake evergreen wreaths, on the other hand, can look very, well, fake. So I decided I would make a wreath — something simple, festive and tasteful that would last for years to come. Here’s how it went down:

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  • 1. Off to the craft store! 1 of 7
    1. Off to the craft store!
    My plan was to find a basic vine wreath, and then trim it with fake berries or bows or ornaments or whatever else in the store caught my eye. So exciting!! I wore my pilliest sweater, just for the occasion.
  • 2. Look what I found! 2 of 7
    2. Look what I found!
    Everything was going according to plan -- vine wreath, fake berries, bow, all for under $25 total -- when I spotted an incredibly realistic-looking fake pine wreath. Complete with adorable, tiny little pine cones. And it was the last one. Fate!!
  • 3. Should I or shouldn’t I? 3 of 7
    3. Should I or shouldn't I?
    But -- damn -- $49.99. A lot more than I was planning to spend on my Awesome Homemade Wreath. But amortized over the 50 years I planned to use it, that was less than the price of a cup of coffee per year. How could I NOT buy it? (And it was *imported,* too! So exotic!)
  • 4. Score! 4 of 7
    4. Score!
    In an amazing feat of organization, I'd actually managed to bring a $10 off coupon with me. Which was fabulous. But when I got to the register I discovered that my dream wreath was HALF OFF!! (Which was extra nice given that I'd found a whole bunch of other stuff that I really, really needed.)
  • 5. Affixing the bow 5 of 7
    5. Affixing the bow
    Now, I put my crafting magic to work. I took the pre-made bow that I'd bought (complete with adorable jingle bells!) and affixed it to the wreath using the twist tie on the back. It wasn't easy, but I powered through. I couldn't wait to put my wreath up on the door, snap a pic, post it to Pinterest and start getting "liked" and re-pinned all the hell over the place.
  • 6. Doh! 6 of 7
    6. Doh!
    But when I went to hang up my Martha Stewart-esque wreath (Isn't it gorgeous? Aren't you jealous?) I remembered that our door is a piece of shit: it's metal, and filled with styrofoam. So you can't nail anything into it. Dammit!
  • 7. Stop 7 of 7
    7. Stop
    And, finally, this is my husband giving me his "please stop making me take ridiculous pictures of you for some stupid narrative slideshow" look. He doesn't give a crap whether we have a wreath or not. He just wants me to figure out a way to hang it the hell up so it's not sitting in the foyer getting in the way. (He just doesn't appreciate the crafting process.)

 

Bottom line: I’m awful darn proud of the thing. And look forward to enjoying it for the next 50 years.

 

DOUBLE TIME, my memoir of twin parenting (among other things) is now available for pre-order!

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