Father’s Day came and went this past weekend, honoring dads young and old. Unfortunately, the process of becoming a dad is never discussed during the holiday.
Not the gross part, guys. OR the fun part — depending on your sensibilities.
I’m talking about men becoming fathers. How does that work? They say women become moms when they get pregnant. I’m not sure who “they” is or are, but apparently “they” say it, so we’ll go with it. But what about men?
Well, this comic should help. And by help I mean…
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A Comic by Blue Calm Oceans 1 of 7If you don't visit CalmBlueOceans.com, then you're missing out.
1. Know The Processes 2 of 7"They say a woman becomes a mom when she gets pregnant." I became a boy when I had a penis. Same thing, right?
2. Observe The Obvious 3 of 7"But a man doesn't became a dad until he sees his baby for the first time." On a related note, I didn't become a fan of Breaking Bad until I saw an episode for the first time. Same thing, right?
3. Drink It In 4 of 7You can't very well be transformed unless you really take it in. Like seeing the Grand Canyon. Same thing, right?
4. Transformation 5 of 7"By the power of baby..." Sh*ts about to get real. Same thi-- ::someone punches me in the face::
5. Lord of Gray Skull Cap 6 of 7"I am a father!!" Realizing you're a dad can be intoxicating. Which makes sense why you shouldn't be irresponsible and intoxicated while parenting.
6. Reality 7 of 7"I'm calling a social worker." And then the sleep deprivation sets in. The need to provide. All of the real work you have to do makes itself known. Welcome to the beauty and bother of fatherhood, my friends. Enjoy!
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I’m not saying I’ve done this, but it seems pretty legit. I remember feeling so electrified when I held my son. Scarelectrified. Not unlike He-Man, I felt more powerful and my sinews stiffened. I wanted to protect my new, growing family. But where the hell is my purple cat?
I promise I will keep my clothes on, though. Sort of. Ah, who am I kidding? Clothing optional.