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7 Halloween Ideas for Lazy People

 

Now that I am a parent, I can finally indulge in the glory that is Halloween.

I find myself already plotting neat costume ideas for June, thinking about fun Halloween crafts we can make, and yummy ghoulish snacks we can share!

Psyche!  I am totally lying.

As much as I love the idea of June and I hunkered over the craft table carefully gluing 96 plastic eyeballs onto a piece of foam for an eerie eyeball wreath together, it’s the execution of such insanity that makes me real tired.

This is the time of year when parents are bombarded with seasonal craft and cooking projects galore cupcakes festooned with witches and goblins! Intricate face painting! A costume that looks like a piece of corn on the cob! Seriously? Wha–? Do parents actually have time make this stuff? Are we all on craft Adderall?

An entire cottage industry has sprung up to specifically capitalize on and exploit what I call “parental craft guilt” (PCG for short), the budding insecurity that I’d somehow make a better, more involved parent if only I knew how to wield the glue gun and sew gossamer wings for my little Thumbalina.

Yet go ahead, call me whipped, but I don’t want to deprive June the chance to experience the magic of Halloween (did I just write “the magic of Halloween”? ARGH, I’ve already been infected by PCG! ) or limit her imagination and creativity simply because I am old and lazy.

I feel compelled to rally. For the children. Think of the children.

So here are 7 of the mind-numbingly easiest (a few to the point of ridiculous) Halloween craft, food and costume ideas I could come up with that busy, non-crafty, quasi-creative parents like myself can actually execute while sorta stoking our kids’ imaginations. Operative word: Sorta.

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  • Serve Jack-O-Lantern Crudite 1 of 7
    Serve Jack-O-Lantern Crudite
    Take a bunch of mini carrots and arrange them in a circle. Use three mini bowls of ranch dressing for the eyes and nose. Chop up some cucumbers or squash for the mouth. Garnish with a piece of parsley. Healthy and seasonal -- go you. Idea via Bamboo and Tikis Difficulty Factor: 1 Creative Factor: 3 Odds Kids Will Eat It: 2 in 5
  • Go for Bug Eyes 2 of 7
    Go for Bug Eyes
    This is a good one for either you or your child. Position tiny plastic bugs or bats or skulls on your face and secure each with a dab of eyelash glue. Idea via Martha Stewart Difficulty Factor: 3 Creative Factor: 3
  • Create a Creepy Doll Shrine 3 of 7
    Create a Creepy Doll Shrine
    The hope here is that the parents of Trick-or-Treaters will think you're edgy and avant garde. They don't need to know you just ran out of time and/or are awaiting a trash pick-up the following morning. Difficulty Factor: Depends on how hard it is to clean out the basement. Creative Factor: There is no limit.
  • Display Ghostly Jug Faces 4 of 7
    Display Ghostly Jug Faces
    Using a black marker, draw ghostly faces on the front of a bunch of empty plastic milk jugs. Cut off the bottom of each jug and line them up on your front porch. Stuff each jug with a few bulbs from a row of white holiday lights. An illuminating idea. Har har. Idea via Fancy Home Design Difficulty Factor: 2 Creative Factor: 4
  • Dress Your Kid Up as Cereal 5 of 7
    Dress Your Kid Up as Cereal
    What kid wouldn't kill to dress up as Walmart's Honey Nut Cheerio's knock-off "Honey Nut Spins?" Your child will be the talk of the neighborhood! Simply cut the front of the box and pin it to a white sweatshirt. Top your child's head with one of the Ghostly Jug Faces from the previous slide as the "milk." If you want to really ramp up the creativity, have him carry a spoon. Difficulty Factor: 1 Creative Factor: 0
  • Dress Yourself as “One Cheap Ass Date” 6 of 7
    Dress Yourself as "One Cheap Ass Date"
    Pin an empty box of chicken to the front of an old sweatshirt and fasten a bunch of empty beer cans to the arms and back. Difficulty Factor: Depends on how much cheap beer you drink. Creative Factor: 0
  • Craft a Gummy Mummy 7 of 7
    Craft a Gummy Mummy
    You'll need an empty soup can (no jagged edges around the rim!), cheesecloth, glue, black construction paper and gummy worms. Cut 3-inch strips of cheesecloth and wrap them around the can, securing with glue. Cut out two small circles from the construction paper and glue them to the can for eyes. Fill the can with gummy worms. Idea via Parenting Magazine Difficulty Factor: 3 Creative Factor: 4

 

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