I’d like to apologize in advance for the sheer amount of complaining you are about to witness, but you know what? The time has come, people. Mama needs to get a few things off her chest, and I know you’ve been there. Feel free to add your own thoughts and commiseration in the comments.
8 MOST MIND-NUMBING PARENTING TASKS
1. Laundry/Treating stains
Remember when “doing laundry” meant throwing a hamper full of previously worn clothing into a washer, adding detergent, and pressing start? Oh, how I long for those days. Now laundry involves saying goodbye to my family and shuffling to the garage, where I will spend upwards of 20-30 minutes checking over EVERY SINGLE ITEM of clothing for dirt, smashed blueberries, paint, dried snot, etc., and then treating with a stain remover before starting the load of laundry. At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, it’s the worst thing EVER.
2. Wiping butts
The diapering thing doesn’t bother me so much, but the non-diaper butt wiping needs to stop ASAP. You know, I wish I could just tell my 5-year-old son to wipe his own dang butt after using the restroom, but lord only knows what would happen then. (Actually, I do know, and it would involve lots of underwear skids. There’s no way that area is going to be acceptably clean if I let him manage it himself.)
3. Dealing with inopportune bathroom requests
What is it with this one? Hey, I don’t want to seem inflexible, but is it too much to ask that my children don’t poop the minute I sit down to a meal? It never fails! I sit down for a quick lunch, and suddenly my toddler is red-faced and squatting in the corner, or my son goes running off to the bathroom, only to declare, “MOM! I NEED YOU TO WIPE MY BOTTOM!” (See #2.)
4. Attending kid-centric classes
I’ve already expressed my sentiment towards theses classes here. I’m pretty sure I’ve spent an annual college salary on my children’s music/tumbling/playball classes, yet I still do it. Every week. (Don’t believe me? Come on over and check out my library of Music Together song books.)
5. Making food toddler-ready
If I have to cut up one more waffle into tiny, bite-sized pieces, I’m heading for the hills. End of story.
6. Picking up items off the floor
This is such a depressing thing to admit, but I could literally spend every minute of my waking hours cleaning up after my children. The milk spills, the crushed Cheerios, the books, the blocks, the tiny little Lego pieces that painfully embed themselves into the flesh of my foot… I need to visit a physical therapist to undo the damage from constantly bending over.
7. The Bs – Bath, brush teeth, bedtime story, bed
Looking at these tasks singularly, they are all kind of sweet. It’s just that, these sweet tasks are the last thing you want to do at the end of the day — consecutively — after spending the last 12 hours dealing with the six tasks mentioned above. Am I right?
When speaking to your children, how many times do you think you repeat yourself in a day? Ten times? Fifty times? One hundred gazillion times?
I’ll tell you the most mind-numbing thing about parenting. THE SOUND OF MY OWN VOICE. Sad, but true, folks. Sad, but true.