Exhausted? Overwhelmed? Underappreciated? Moms and dads have to deal with pretty tough job conditions. It’s unclear, then, why parents don’t start petitions about revolutionary changes that would surely better their lives. Time for an uprising! Without further ado, I present eight parent petitions worthy of change.org.
U.S. Government: Start paying parents 1 of 8
Imagine workers who endure long hours and night shifts, who put up with insufferable work conditions such as kitchen floors covered in Cheerios, and who do not get a single cent of compensation for their efforts. Well, imagine no more. These people exist, and they are known as parents.
Throughout its history, the U.S. Department of Labor has somehow never classified this important division of America's working class.
Hardworking parents across the nation depend on money for important life necessities such as fro-yo and Pinot Grigio. It is outrageous that they receive no compensation for all they do, day in and day out. Kisses and hugs do not pay the mortgage!
Please sign this petition to show you agree that:
-- The US Government ought to pay parents everywhere
-- Payment should be accompanied by monthly coupons for Pinot Grigio or an adult beverage of choice
@children: Stop whining 2 of 8
As of this writing, countless children all over the world of all ages are whining. The facts:
"I don't waaaaaant to eat that!"
"I am booooored!"
"I don't waaaaaant to share!"
"I am toooooo tired to walk any more! Carry me!!!!"
"I don't waaaaaant go to bed!"
Moreover, sometimes their whining is accompanied by gestures such as arm throwing and leg stomping.
Reportedly, this is very bothersome to their parents. And inhumane. So why not get the children to stop?
Children can do better. Accordingly, we the undersigned respectfully request that children immediately stop whining.
Image: Flickr/Tim Pierce
Tell our kids: Parents deserve to sleep late on weekends 3 of 8
Shocking but true: Our son, 7, has a habit of waking up around 5:30 a.m. You would think by this age he'd want to sleep late but, no.
This is not so bad during the weekdays, when we need to get up for work anyway, but it is wrong and unjust on the weekends. Worse, he wakes his little sister up, too. And then they both try to get us up!
This may be ruining our lives, or at least making us cranky and yawn a lot. Also: It is costing us a lot of money in undereye concealer.
While this is a personal issue, we are aware it is one that affects all parents.
Join us in petitioning our children to let Mom and Dad sleep late on weekends.
Kim Kardashian, stop making the rest of us look bad! 4 of 8
The state of many mothers' abs is a true American horror story. Before we had kids, perhaps we didn't exactly have six-packs, but our bellies were perfectly respectable. Then we got pregnant.
During this time period and thereafter, the area formerly known our stomachs disappeared, only to be replaced by a mysterious substance resembling Jell-O.
The evidence is shocking: In photos, many mothers still look like they have baby bumps although the last time they were knocked up was ten years ago. Except for celebrities like Kim Kardashian, who recently showed off her post-preggo body in Los Angeles in a white crop top and fitted black skirt. Her abs are totally flat yet she gave birth five months ago.
Sign this petition calling on Kim Kardashian to stop looking so slim—and to ask authorities to help the rest of us locate our former abs and legalize the wearing of yoga pants at work. Time is of the essence, because swimsuit season is never far off.
Thank you for caring about our abs.
EVERYONE PLEASE COPY AND PASTE THIS TO SHARE ON YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA SITES TO HELP SPREAD THE WORD. OUR ABS DESERVE THAT.
Image: Flickr/Hollywood Branded
Starbucks: Get a childcare center 5 of 8
I am a Starbucks diehard, willing to stand in line for 15 minutes for my grande latte, and I have!
I suffer mightily when I want to sit quietly and enjoy my latte only I am forced to listen to "Mommy, I think the hot chocolate is too cold now with the milk!" and "Mommy, my cookie fell on the floor!"
It is shocking that parents like me have nowhere to put our kids in Starbucks. This would make a lot of sense, even more than making the pumpkin spice latte vegan and dairy-free, another petition on this site. Not that vegans do not deserve their pumpkin spice lattes but seriously, there are a lot of parents out there who love their grandes!
It doesn't have to be this way. Sign and share.
Honor mom’s bathroom privacy 6 of 8
People, the time to address this outrage is NOW!
Every day, mothers attempting to use the bathroom are disturbed by children banging on the door shouting "Where is my Rainbow Loom?" Should mothers dare attempt to take a bath, said children will barge in, throw open the tub curtain and demand a piece of string cheese for snack.
Show your support! It's time to send a message that mothers will not stand up, or sit down, for this!
People, we have the power!!!
Supermarkets: Don’t stock cookies and candy 7 of 8
The practice of offering multiple kinds of cookies and candy is rampant in supermarkets across the country. This is contributing to horrific situations in which children beg their mothers to buy them cookies or candy, the mothers refuse and the children have tantrums of epic proportions.
Our goal is to raise awareness about this ongoing problem. Not only is this bad for the parents, the ear-piercing screeching can be dangerous to passersby! It also creates significant hazards at check-out lines, not to mention delays.
If supermarkets were to keep the signs about candies and cookies but replace the actual candies and cookies with stuff that is healthy, children would grow up thinking that chocolate bars taste amazingly like quinoa and marshmallow fluff cookies like chia seeds! Parents would have to play along, pretending at first that they didn't want to buy their child a package of seaweed sheets, but then giving in.
Supermarkets, we challenge you to remove candy and cookies from your aisles.
Image: Flickr/Jaro Larnos
Moms, demand girls night out! 8 of 8
Are you one of the many deprived mothers across the United States who never gets to enjoy a girls night out? Do you instead spend evenings decluttering the playroom and getting frustrated when you cannot locate missing Polly Pocket pieces?
This is a crazy. How can such a thing be? Especially because the playroom will just get messy all over again the next day.
Nobody deserves a night out with friends more than YOU, moms.
It's time for a CHANGE. Sign the petition and stick up for your right to have a girls night out. Click here to have a copy of this sent to your husband, so he gets the memo.
Image: Flickr/Dinner Series