9 Signs You’re Done Having Babies

Are you somewhere between pretty sure you’re done having babies and getting-your-tubes-tied-sure you’re done having babies? Well speaking as a woman with tied tubes, I’ve come up with a list of signs that you are probably totally and completely done having kids.

But here’s the thing: I’m not a licensed clinical psychologist. Have I practiced as one without a license? Sure. And I’m pretty sure I helped a few people out with their issues before I was fined and forced to move my practice into a nondescript paneled van that moves from neighborhood to neighborhood to avoid criminal prosecution (PM me if you want to know where I’ll be). Anyway, here are 9 signs you’re done having babies.

  • You just bought new couches. 1 of 9

    Only people who are done having babies or are incredibly rich have the gall to buy new couches. If you're asking why, chances are you've never met a baby.

  • You threw out all your baby stuff. 2 of 9

    If you got rid of all the baby blankets, high chairs, and baby clothes you owned, chances are you don't want more babies. Of course, it also makes you most likely to get accidentally pregnant. #JustSaying #UseProtection

  • You looked at this picture and felt … 3 of 9

    Nothing. If nothing happened when you looked at this picture besides thinking "cute" and moving on, chances are you don't want another baby. Now, if you didn't even think "cute" before moving on, chances are that you're a psychopath — either way you shouldn't have another baby.

  • You know you wouldn’t survive another round of sleep deprivation. 4 of 9

    No one enjoys sleep deprivation, but some of us know in the bottom of our collective souls that we just. couldn't. do. it. again.

  • You threw a party when your youngest was potty trained. 5 of 9

    Also, if you're back into throwing parties, you're probably done having babies.

  • The thought of one more game of peek-a-boo is more than you can bear. 6 of 9

    With both peek-a-boo and having babies, it's tough to know when you're done, but if you'd rather clean out the cat box than play patty cake, you probably don't want another baby.

  • The idea of baby proofing is absurd. 7 of 9

    If the only baby proofing you plan to do is making your home inhospitable for strange babies, you don't want more kids. Be honest with yourself! Baby gates are an eyesore! Those rubber things that go around the coffee table are a younger mom's game. I'm out.

  • The best part of holding someone else’s baby? 8 of 9

    If the best part of holding someone else's baby is that you get to give them back, you are done having babies. But ...

  • You may be ready to … 9 of 9

    Be a grandparent! Geez, if I'd started having kids when my mom started having kids, I'd have a 24-year-old by now. Instead, I'm just the only mom with a kindergartner and arthritis at the same time. Well, me and Halle Berry.


    Image courtesy: Flickr

Want more from me on Babble? Try Is Parenting Making Us Fat , 10 Ways My Life is Better Since I Quit Drinking or Bad Mom Conversations

Watch my TV show Parental Discretion with Stefanie Wilder-Taylor which premieres January 17th at 10 pm

Follow me on Twitter, Please!

Check out my personal blog Baby On Bored

Keep up with what I’m doing by liking my Facebook  page

Listen to my podcast For Crying Out Loud


Tagged as: , , , ,

Use a Facebook account to add a comment, subject to Facebook's Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Your Facebook name, profile photo and other personal information you make public on Facebook (e.g., school, work, current city, age) will appear with your comment. Learn More.