A few years ago when my twins were toddlers, I remember feeling like I wouldn’t survive it. If it weren’t for other moms who’d gone before me and promised me it would get better, I may have ended up running away to tend bar on the beach in Bora Bora, with no one to answer to besides a few man slaves I picked up along the way – man slaves who would actually listen if I gave them a time-out, dammit!
So, if you are having a horrible day with your toddler here are 9 things to remember from someone who has been in the trenches three times!
9. Toddlers have no conscience and zero self-discipline.
Pleasure is their main desire: Yes toddlers are like teeny tiny Justin Biebers. This should really let you off the hook when you see that your naughty chair method is having no effect despite what Super Nanny says. Just give it a few years!
8. They have to sleep eventually.
Maybe not tonight and maybe not tomorrow night but no one can stay awake for three days straight right? Right? Well remember you’re not alone. There’s a reason Go the F**k to Sleep was a runaway best seller.
7. Your toddler loves you.
Sure they may have a funny way of showing it, like smashing a banana in your face and then laughing maniacally, but they do.
6. Toddlers aren’t making a whole lot of permanent memories.
Therefore, anything that happens right now will never make their memoirs. So don’t waste your time feeling too guilty about losing your cool once in awhile, this is basically your sweet spot!
5. Everything you’re doing to show your child consistency and love is having an effect.
Children’s personalities are fully formed by the time they are five so your good, consistent parenting is not for nothing even if it seems like they barely recognize you half the time.
4. Toddlers are an easy laugh.
If you’ve ever wanted to know what it feels like to be a stand-up comic who is killing, just tell your toddler a fart joke. See? I’m not saying that solves it, but maybe it gives you back your will to live.
3. The toddler years are good practice for the teen-age years.
Moody, unpredictable, ungrateful, sweaty and taking a lot of naps? Yes, it’s all coming back to us now!
2. Toddlers are not doing drugs!
Even though your two-year-old may be tearing around the house, yelling gibberish and destroying everything in his path, you don’t have to worry that he’s high on crack. I mean where would he get it? He doesn’t have any money! Feel better?
1. This too shall pass.
Every moment with a toddler can feel like an hour but at some point, maybe in the very very distant future, it won’t be like this anymore… but you will actually (I swear) miss it. For a minute. And then that will pass as well.
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