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A sink full of rotten yuck

You know, sometimes there are some seriously crappy sides to being a bachelor. Like having a sink full of rotten yuck.

I’m rather OCD when it comes to the dishes I use for eating. Because of that, I have a hard time eating off of anything that’s not disposable (oh great, I can already see the faint glow of the environmentalists and torches and pitchforks). Paper plates. Paper cups. Plastic picnic-ware.

Besides my OCDness factoring into things, I just hate doing dishes. Now, I know hate is a strong word. That’s why I used it. In fact, maybe hate’s not a strong enough word.

So, considering those two factors, what usually happens at this bachelor pad is this…

1) Noah or Dad have to use a real dish for some reason.

2) Noah or Dad puts their real dish in the sink.

3) Dad looks at the dish in the sink and thinks, no use doing the dishes when there’s only one dish.

4) Noah or dad have to use a real dish for some reason.

5) Noah or Dad puts their real dish in the sink.

6) Dad looks at the two dishes in the sink and thinks, no use doing the dishes when there’s only two dishes.

7) Noah or Dad have to use a real dish for some reason, this time involving milk (or some other disgustingness).

8) Noah or Dad puts their real dish in the sink with milk still in it.

9) Dad looks at the dishes in the sink and thinks, no use doing the dishes when there’s only twenty dishes.

10) Noah or Dad notice a funny smell filling the entire house.

11) Dad lights candles all over to get rid of the smell, still too stubborn to do the dishes.

12) The candles burn down to nothing and the house still stinks. Only it’s gotten a lot worse.

13) Dad looks at the dishes in the sink and thinks, it’s probably the dirty dishes that are stinking.

14) Dad pokes around in the sink and a giant whiff of something horrible knocks him out cold.

15) Dad wakes up and looks at the dishes in the sink and thinks, I ain’t touching that.

16) A week later somebody announces they’re coming for a visit.

17) Dad looks at the dishes in the sink and thinks, okay, it’s probably time to do the dishes.

18) Dad dons rubber gloves, takes a deep breath and tries to do all 52 dishes before he has to breathe again.

19) Dad can’t hold his breath that long and eventually has to take a breath.

20) The smell of whatever was horrible before got ten times worse and knocks Dad out cold again.

21) Dad wakes up.

22) Dad pours gasoline all over the dishes in the sink and lights a match to them.

23) Dad is done doing dishes for at least another month. Or until some other inconsiderate person wants to “drop by” “just cause they’re nice.”

Yeesh.

I’m afraid that one day soon the dishes will get so out of control that I’ll have to sell the house to get rid of them.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. Do you hate doing dishes as much as I do? Do they ever get so out of hand that you need a gas mask to get near them?

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