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Mara Kofoed is a wife, New Yorker of 12 years, and former entrepreneuer (Harvey Faircloth). She is planning for a family and blogs about her past struggle with infertility and divorce at her personal site, A Blog About Love.

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How Women Ruin Their Sex Lives

By Mara Kofoed |

Time for some girl talk. I’m all for happy marriages.  And a satisfying sex life can help contribute to that.  Problem is, there are a lot of women that aren’t feeling it. There are certainly many complicated reasons why people don’t enjoy sex. But in honor of marriage and in honor of trying to help women to feel empowered, I’m happy to start up a conversation that really never happens:  what are women doing that could be contributing to their unsatisfying sex lives? This list is simply to be a reminder to us all to think about whether or not we are doing our part here. Cause who doesn’t want to feel pretty darn good about that part of our lives? If there’s something we can do about it, I say we go for it!

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Listen up Ladies: Could you be ruining your own sex life?

Having Sex Just For Someone Else, and Not For Yourself

Have you had a long day? Think to yourself that you deserve to get some.... :) This attitude will likely drive your husband nuts.

image source: Melanie Mauer

 

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About Mara Kofoed

marakofoed

Mara Kofoed

Mara Kofoed is a wife, New Yorker of 12 years, and former entrepreneuer (Harvey Faircloth). She is planning for a family and blogs about her past struggle with infertility and divorce at her personal site, A Blog About Love. Read bio and latest posts → Read Mara's latest posts →

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49 thoughts on “How Women Ruin Their Sex Lives

  1. BB says:

    Nice list, Mara! I follow your blog regularly, and I think you are spot on! You seem like such a wonderful lady!

    xoxo
    ~BB

    1. Mara Kofoed says:

      BB- Thanks so much! I appreciate your kind comment…

  2. C.A.B. says:

    This post was so well done! Good job, Mara! A good sexual relationship is important in any marriage. When it’s good it does not seem to matter much, but when it is not, it becomes a big deal. So, I agree, we women need to do our part. Thanks for reminding us of that.

  3. Marlo says:

    “It seems so many women blow sex off or don’t consider it a priority. And they think that’s ok. This is not okay.”

    Is it just me, or does EVERYTHING need to be “prioritized” these days? Every where I look, there’s an expert stressing the importance SOMETHING whether it’s making home cooked meals using local, seasonal, organic ingredients or sweating it out at the gym 4-5 days a week. Oh, and since nothing is more important than quality family time, be sure to block out a 1/2 hour each night to read to your kids. Otherwise they won’t get into Harvard. And self-care . . . don’t forget to “invest” in a weekly massage – “you’re worth it”! But none of these things (nor your, ahem, JOB) should cut into your 8 hours of sleep. You ARE getting 8 hours of sleep, aren’t you? AREN’T YOU?!

    I understand that healthy food, exercising, sleep, self care, and family time are ALL important (and I try my best to squeeze them all in), but not everything can be prioritized every single day. Sometimes I go to (gasp!) Taco Bell for dinner, sometimes I have to choose between exercising and getting 8 hours of sleep, and sometimes my boyfriend doesn’t get laid for 3 days straight because, yes, I’m too tired. Being told that it’s “not okay” by a woman who stays at home and blogs all day is just funny to me.

    1. Mara Kofoed says:

      Hey Marlo – thanks for writing in. I think you’ve addressed something that seems to be at the heart of a lot of women’s lives – and that is that they don’t have time to do everything on their plate. And they (we) are running ourselves ragged trying to do too much. Speaking from my experiences as someone who used to try to do it all and actually didn’t get home from work quite regularly until 9, 10 or 11 pm, I started to learn how self-inflicted my own stress was. That lifestyle was ridiculous. And I finally had to force myself to slow down, make more time for myself, take care of myself, etc. If that meant having less money, getting a new job, moving to a different city, reducing my own expenses, etc., it was worth it to me. I guess each of us just has to decide what kind of lifestyle we want, and then feel accountable for the consequences…and also make peace with the things we can’t control so that the uncontrollable things don’t run us ragged, too. It’s a difficult thing to do, but totally possible!

    2. Dave says:

      3 days? That’s what you think is a long time..
      There are couples out there not having sex more than once a month. Some have it 5 times a year..
      Thanks for sharing that you are so busy and tired that you don’t feel bad about a 3 day gap.
      Good grief, this article is great, and I am a victim.
      I love my wife, but I’m trapped in a relationship with a woman that truly dislikes sex. If we divorce.. am I the bad one then?
      Good for the author, to put some of the onus back on to the woman to “fix” herself!
      Seriously, no guy wants to hear, I’m fat every time their woman takes of their pants. no, no, no for 15 days straight does shut a man down.
      Especially when the woman never takes the initiative.
      There are couples out there that have issues. Sometimes, just sometimes, it really is one sided!
      So, please, don’t blame the guy for always pushing to have sex.
      I just wish my wife would actually read this stuff!
      To me she really just doesn’t think it’s that big of an issue.

      1. alone says:

        not always the girl either. my man has health issues so were lucky to do it at all but I stay faithfull. sometimes I do wonder how long I will wait, its really very unfair. he could do other things but he acts as if it don’t matter anymore.

        1. Victoria says:

          I know where you are comming from….having a man with health issues…..unable to have intercourse. Even though there are many ways to be intimate; suddenly what I need is no longer on the agenda…even though I have pleaded with him….bought DVD’s to inspire him and tried many things to move him…all has failed. Time is running out….

          1. Got Married - Sex Ended says:

            My ex-husband, married 32 years and had children, divorced me, after he had a 6 month affair, when he moved directly into her trailer house. They were both fired from their 10-year jobs, at same employer, for immoral conduct. He didn’t find sex appealing, after my colon was removed in an emergency surgery to save my life, 10 years before. After divorce, I was totally against dating BUT a very nice 57-year-old widowed man, was being nice to me, having sex which I missed. Sex was better than any man I’d ever been with. I was so very happy. We lived together 2 years, got married, and he started having Erectile Dysfunction. We’ve been living, for 3 years, as room mates. No sex, even with every major ED medication – Cialis, Viagra, etc. Marriage Counseling for last year. I’m so totally miserable. My Gynecologist performed 2 procedures, to help me with some vaginal issues and vaginal meds, to make our sex life better. He won’t have a Penile Implant, as he doesn’t like surgery. But I had procedures for his sake. I tried to get him to use play toys but he’s not interested. I miss SEX with my husband, so badly. What can I do?

      2. Ron says:

        In reply to your comment here, i totally agree. I’ve been in a relationship for almost 10 years now and i actually count on one hand the number of times that we had sex, it’s gotten to the point where i’m past being numb but just don’t have the interest in having any kind of sex with this person anymore. Now, i’m not going too sit here and profess that i’m the perfect mate i’m not, but just as she i’ve come home many a times tired from work and believe me my job isn’t easy at times, in fact it’s really dangerous but i’ve made a promise too myself to never refuse her any kind of intimate contact regardless of my situation because i’m supposed to be the manwho takes care of home and family. I ‘ve sat around and listened to her complained about other women friends and their intimacy problems but somehow she doesn’t even see the problem before her with our relationship, oh we talked about it at times but i’m made too feel that i’m the cause of all that’s wrong here. Women, as a older and understanding man i do really understand what you all go through day to day and at home, my hat off to every female out there that wonder why we do the things we say and do, but understand this when you feel that by denying a man any intimate contact he will seek it somewhere else and the other woman will feel obliged to accomodate his and her needs. Don’t take this matter lightly handle your business or be prepared for the consequences.

  4. AJ says:

    I really appreciate this message… this is helpful to me and I’ve been a fan of your blog for a while now and LOVE that you’re sharing the message of LOVE! Everything your write/blog resonates with me because it’s all truth. Thanks!

  5. tristan says:

    Marlo, I totally agree!! I’m a smart women, as most are, so it’s not that i don’t know WHAT I need to do to improve my sex life and increase my sex drive, I don’t know HOW to do those things!! Help me figure out how to stop focusing on the things I don’t like about my body so I can have a better self image. How do I stop looking at the beer belly my husband has grown as apposed to the pro-boxer physique he had when we got married. How, after a day at 4:30am that starts with an hour long step aerobics class, only to go to an 8 hour day at work, then pick up my 3 kids from day care, then make dinner, then clean up, give the kids a bath and put them to bed…after all that how am I supposed to not feel tired? how do I not feel too tired to put forth the effort it takes to have an orgasm as opposed to just having sex. Don’t give me cutesy little antics that are supposed to be inspiring, give me real world solutions. Give me some real, actual help. Women everywhere suffer from this dilemma, don’t patronize us, tell us how to be super women.

  6. Beth says:

    Excellent comment, Marlo! Excellent!

  7. Debbie says:

    I discovered the things you posted here awhile ago and my (sex) life is awesome because of it. Which means my marriage is that much better. I know exactly how Marlo and some others who commented here feel. There really are so many things we are “supposed” to do, and to do it all is impossible. I found myself struggling to raise my kids right, keep a clean house, stay healthy, sometimes working too and at the end of the day I was done and too tired. And if I am honest with myself sometimes I think I said “I am too tired” to prove the point to my husband that I had been working really hard all day. All of a sudden I realized (and I wish I could remember what lead to the realization, but I don’t) was that I feel better when I have sex! I like to have sex! I was denying myself something I really like because I was too tired or stressed. I don’t know why I was doing that to myself, but I am glad I stopped. I find that it helps relieve stress and unwind (way better than watching an show on tv does).

  8. Amanda says:

    I’m more than happy to do it where ever and whenever with hubby, we have been together almost 14yrs now and still have sex about every other day =D I get a little bitchy if I go 3days without it he thinks its adorable lmao Sex is fun and healthy and we have 3 kids going on 4 so yes its possible to keep up a sex life even with children

  9. Cate says:

    I’m sorry, but what is with the whole stay at home moms can make it a habit to not shower? Not true and rude.

    1. courtsill says:

      It is often true. I can think of 3 different stay at home friends who have complained to me about or mentioned not getting around to showering and feeling really gross. Additionally, I know that there have been times when I have gone 3 or 4 days without showing. Most notibly was very recent when I had been to the barn – had shoveled shit, was covered in hair, and was sweaty and so exhausted I was like the hell with it – I’m going straight to bed. No shower.

  10. SIM SO DEP says:

    Valuable info. Lucky me I found your site unintentionally, and I am stunned why this coincidence did not happened earlier! I bookmarked it.

  11. steve says:

    23 years 2 raised children and one little one and we still make time for each other. Lotzo Time :)

  12. [...] 15 ways women are ruining their sex lives [...]

  13. mjames says:

    My wife has not slept in our bed in over 10 years, she sleeps with our 9yr old boy. I have tried alot of things over the years but she is always too tired or not in the mood. We have been married 18 yrs and my wife who works part time came home to tell me I should be excited for her, she is going to London, England. She works part time but needs to go to London for buisness?
    I love my wife and would do anything for her but it is too obvious I can do nothing to make her have feelings for me. I feel like a piece of garbage constantly being denined sex and intimacy by her. Two times we have had sex this year.
    I hope no man ever has to go through what I endure. I have come to the conclusion that she wants a divorce is she cannot stand me I do not want to make her anymore unhappy.
    Please say a prayer for my children that they will not have to go through a loveless marriage

  14. ogwriter says:

    Wow. where were you 30 years ago/

  15. bbwantsit says:

    My wife and I had sex once last year and we have yet to try this year. I think about it everyday and worry that someday someone will come along with a positive sexual attitude and I’ll jump at the chance to do it with anyone who is willing. I have tried to talk about sex and intimacy with my wife but she goes blank when I approach the subject. We have been married 22 years but have had sex only a dozen times since the last child was born. Each time she makes me feel like I have taken something from her by trying to be intimate. I came to the conclusion that I don’t have the right to make her feel like something is being taken from her by attempting to be loving and intimate. I am sorry for trying intimacy in the early part of our marriage and I wish I could shut off the sexual desires I have daily. I wish I could take a pill or find a doctor who could operate on me and take away the desire because there is no way to be satisfied and stay faithful to my wife.

  16. CJ says:

    Funny my husband and I just had this very conversation last night and these are all great tips, I have been sick for years and I am on a couple meds that cause me to be numb, Physically numb and so I don’t have alot of feeling or sensation anywhere but, I don’t feel my husband should pay the price of me being sick so I do have sex with him and sometimes I actually have enough feeling to enjoy it. He is a great lover and I would love to be able to have the sex life we had before.

  17. Franklin says:

    Am glad i stumbled on this site and issue in discourse because am deep in same issue with my wife of 12yrs.We were always having it often before we got married and even in our early yrs of marriage until after our three kids,our last child is 7yrs now.My wife has continued to refuse me sex whenever i wanted with excuses of tiredness and not being in the mood,this has made me to conclude on having sexual satisfaction outside my marriage since i cant get it from my wife although painful as it is to cheat on her,she has refused to change despite my discussing the dissatisfaction i get with our now cold relationship,i think it is a very serious issue to be discussed and resolved in marriage because i dont think it is a good thing to refuse one’s husband sex because it has diverse adverse negative and marriage breaking consequences.

  18. Laila says:

    Dear girlfriends,
    Yes, life requires a lot from us, we work, we want to advance in our careers, we raise kids, we take on lots of work at home. We do it because we have to or because it there is no other choice or it seems like it. But please consider that your attitude towards sex matters no matter what you do or how tired you are. I know women that are stay at home moms or married with no children, they do have some extra time on their hands, but they would still say they get tired by the end of the day to have sex with their husbands, or they just don’t want to for one reason or another… The truth is that mens desire for more sex is biological. But I don’t believe men need us to “perform” every night for them. What if you just allowed your husband to do what he needs just by being there for him and just being warm without any need to “perform”. This happens to me a lot and most of the time I actually enjoy it. I tell my husband that I don’t even mind it when I am asleep… I feel that it’s just a very small favor I can give to my husband and that it’s not a big deal in comparison with all the hard and stressful work he does for me and our kids. And I can see how it keeps him healthy, happy and confident. What if this simple “trick” brought back your husband the way you fell in love with him years ago, and even better, stronger, more mature, more loving? He would stop counting how many times he had sex last year. He will stop feeling like a lousy male in your life. He may even become more successful in his career… I find myself a lot listening to my girlfriends about their marriages falling apart and sex life attitude seems to be a major issue there, but they don’t want to hear it. May be it’s just too painful to admit not just a single mistake, but a life-time attitude? Consider all the literature you’ve read growing up about women’s liberation. What if we implemented some of that agenda out of context and without balance? What if you are just unconsciously treating your husband the way your mother treated your dad? What if men just speak the language we don’t understand;)? I hope this article and an attempt for compassion and understanding towards partner’s needs can save someone’s love life and marriage. And check out this little book http://www.amazon.com/For-Women-Only-about-Inner/dp/1590523172. I don’t agree with everything in it, but I once found it very helpful it interpreting the signs showing that my husband actually really loves me.

  19. roland says:

    thanks laila, your comments are enlightening. men’s desire for sex are really biological and women must learn to find the trick how to satisfy it in whatever way possible to keep him healthy,happy and confident…satisfying men’s desire doesn’t mean you have to perform or you have to be satisfied as well(but never fake it). women should be creative and more generous and understanding to their men in achieving the goal of satisfying their partners sexual desire….i believe a sexually satisfied men can do and will do its best in all aspects(work,relationships,parenting,etc) for his partner sake….i am married for 6 years and our intimacy really grew a lot when my wife learned to satisfy my biological sexual needs.in return, i give the best of me for her and our family……

  20. christina says:

    My “husband” treats me more like a roommate than a wife. My financial obligations to him, and to my children, are clear, but now it seems that even more is expected. He has not spontaneously bought me a gift in over 4 years. I do not get birthday birthday gifts, let alone Christmas or anniversary tokens. I have always bought him Birthday, Chanukah, Christmas, and Anniversary gifts, as well as gifts for his kids, mother, brothers, nieces and nephews. Now I am expected to pay for half of the dinner bill when we go out once a week, as well as paying all health associated bills and any/all food in the house . Might I add that his income is 4X mine.
    I live in fear of the next criticism and rebuke. There are never words of appreciation, kindness, congratulations. My achievements go unnoticed, no matter how much I point them out. We are both health care professionals on equal standing, but he always treats me like a subordinate. He choses to be absent 3 out of 4 weekends a month to work in other areas. For him , these are rest periods. THere are days in between where he has totally free vacation days to do as he pleases. I am at home, going to work, and looking after 2 kids, and keeping up with household chores and maintenance. The abundant extra money is NOT shared.

    Without consulting me, he booked a trip to Japan, for the ultimate goal of meeting his daughter who is on a work term in Thailand. His daughter does not speak to me, and not-so-covertly ridicules everything I do. So the “reconciliation trip” is more about his daughter than about me. Out of a 10 day trip, I will have 2.5 days with him alone. I would rather stay home

    I am not sure if this relationship can ever be saved, but it will take the expertise of professionals, and not the damaging conversations that happen now.

    I feel absolutely sexless. He never notices what I wear or how I look, The men at the bar certainly notice, so I know I am not totally abhorrent. There is never a word or praise or appreciation. His eyes do not look at the picture of me and appreciate. He simply does not notice, But sure gets mad if another man points it out. I am not ugly! Approrpriate weight, great skin, fashionable clothes. This man refuses to recognize me. I got a lovely bouquet from my team on “bosses” day – he has ignored everything, I lost 50lbs and have gained back 20. He noticed neither .

    Unless I am at work making money, I am not worth consideration. A fine roommate, who earns her keep, ( and also cleans, shops and cooks) but not much more,

    I WANT MORE.

    I am passionate, romantic beautiful and loyal. Just not the things he wants.

    Right now, I am so depressed and uncaring about everything, I have a pending biopsy for endometrial cancer and I hope it’s positive and i can refuse treatment. I suffer from chronic and debilitating bursitis which he does not acknowledge – except when he does not want me to go places with him.

    My ex-husband has successfully sued me for gross amounts of money, and I am fighting back with a court case at the end of October, In the meantime my money is tighter than reasonable and my 2 minor children live on Mac&Cheese and Ramen noodles because I have no more money and the stepfather refused to buy them food if their father will not. What great morale values displayed by both men. As usual, it is the mother who struggles with 2 or 3 jobs to make sure that the children are fed, have school supplies and social outings with their friends.

    I am so tired. If I had enough drugs I would just go to sleep and not wake up. There is nothing positive to wake up to.

    1. Row says:

      I am so sorry to hear about what life is like for you. I have been in a relationship like that, and even though you and even your husband may not realize it, what you are describing is actually an abusive dynamic. It is extremely difficult to maintain good feelings about yourself in that environment, but you need to understand that you are not the problem here. You are doing what you need to protect yourself and survive emotionally.
      Please please see your doctor, and get a referral to a counselor, therapist or psychiatrist. With a referral in many places you can see someone for free (or claim it). I did it and it really saved me.

  21. Mey says:

    @Christina

    I hope you find the inner courage to pick yourself up and not allow your husband’s ways to defeat you and spoil the happiness you deserve to have. You sound like an incredible woman with an even bigger heart and it’s very obvious you have a lot of love to give ( to the right person). I know sometimes we (women) say things out of anger or pain but I truly hope you will not result to taking your life because even if things do not workout in the end for your marriage you still have children to account for not to mention yourself. Don’t throw away your life because someone else refuses to acknowledge your wonderful heart. I was fortunate to grow up with both my parents under one roof but seeing how my father treated my mother as a child and thinking back on it now that I am 24, I sympathize with my mom because she stuck through her marriage for my bothers and I even when my dad would not show her any love or affection. Their marriage was very similar to what you have described minus the finance aspect but if I had known then what I know now I would have encouraged her and stood behind her had she decided to end things with him. I consider myself a Christian woman and I’d like to extend my thoughts and prayers to you. I hope you overcome this sadness and that the right man comes along and shows you the love and affection you have missed out on. No woman deserves to go through what you have described. I pray you find your light and please don’t give up! =)

  22. Gina says:

    Wow, Stop…Christina?? not sure how this part gets a reply to you..I hav to tell you,, you have every rite, even from the scriptures to leave.. I hope this is a fake writing some one posted…I’ve seen & lived some of this.. I know now.. You have got to get a hold of your self.. For your kids sake too.. praying for U !

  23. cris says:

    hey, i can’t find the 15 ways women ruin their sex lives… what or where do i click to see and read about it. thanks

  24. kate says:

    It takes good self esteem,courage and the hand of God to overcome such things.One day after going through a lot decided that nobody will ever determine my happiness,If i don,t matter to you you will never matter to me.

  25. The Man says:

    “It seems so many women blow off sex or don’t consider it a priority. And they think it’s okay.” That sums everything up right there! We know women like sex just as much as men do but they just don’t value it at all. Buying a pair of shoes is more of a priority than getting some hot monkey sex. Sad really!

  26. high sex drive says:

    wow…. I have read all the comments in this blog, it was so great to know that other people share their problem especially to Cristina.
    To Cristina, don’t give ur. Not only you has experiencing that kind of problem.
    Because of what i read, i had the courage to share something about me. I am working abroad 4years already and i can only have sex with my husband once a year when i go for vacation until i learnt to join to a dating website. After staying 2years, back and forth from my country and where the country am i now, i learnt to have dating and to have sex with other men. I know how bad i am but i think i am the woman who has high sex drive so i cannot control myself not to have sex with other men. Sometimes i feel guilty of what i am doing because i am cheating my husband but really for me i find difficult not having sex life, i am enjoying it. Even i am too tired i can still perform great sex. I am 33years old, since i’m 29 i don’t have good sex life as i am already away from my husband. I started to have sex with othe men 2years ago. I am just a crazy woman who loves sex.
    For all the girls who commented here, who staying work at home and feel tired having sex with their husband. Remember Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. Sex is a beauty treatment :-)

  27. Formerlythere says:

    Adding to the list of what a woman might say to ruin her/their sex life: After he (me) makes a point of and works hard and diligently to please her (no complaint there in the slightest!, that’s what it’s all about [isn't it...!?]) even multiple times in a row, damp in the small of her back and left panting, SHE SAYS BITTERLY IN AN ANGRY ACCUSING TONE, “Well, [at least] you got what YOU wanted!”

    I did…? Oops, my mistake, obviously…

  28. Warren says:

    Once I reached a point where I was getting less sex with a woman laying next to me every night than I was living alone, I packed up and moved to a new place. The woman I left asked me why I left.I told her that anywhere I get no more than yes I do not stay long. I told her that when I spoke to you about this you told me it was a bad time because your show was about to come on.I also said when you make a television more important then I am to you then everything becomes more important to me than you are. I hung up and never answered the phone when she called again. Amazing how she wanted to talk the following week when her show was on.

  29. MICHAEL says:

    This list fits my wife to a T, To her sex is a 4 letter word and was never able to talk about it at all, like what she likes and wants.

  30. MICHAEL says:

    In the same boat as you, Sorry,

  31. murray says:

    i totally agree with all of the comments on here. i have been with my wife for 37 years 5 of which we lived together befor we got married. i know and understand what women go through every day. we may not have as much intercourse as i would like but when we go to bed he always plays with me and sucks me off. she basically raised our kids by harself as i was always working and away from home but whwn i came home we always have sex with alot a\of passion and feelings. im not saying she is always in the mood as she suffers from alot of migrain headaches, but she always makes me fell loved and wanted. if you are in a relationship that dosent even come close to this, rhen all i can say is get it where and when you can. if that means leaving you other half then thats what has to be done. im a 61year old man that loves and craves sex. my wife is now 52 years old and when we have it…. which is about 3 times per week we both thoroughly enjoy our time together. guys its not always the womans fault. there are a lot of men out there that just dont give a woman enough affection. i love kissing and fooling around with my wife.

  32. Ronnie Binge says:

    but it IS true. obviously not for everyone, but sometimes…….Trust me, as a man I have definitely noticed: Generally speaking you go to the office and here are all these women who have woken up early, made themselves look PERFECT – I mean really as good as they could possibly look – wearing cute skirts etc. – then you come home and the wife may have done some of that on her “on” days. The point is, you don’t want your husband to keep thinking “gosh, the girls at the office always look 100%, my wife looks like crap 75% of the time”.

  33. Ronnie Binge says:

    This article is spot-on!

    Here is something I think it is important for women to remember – it’s something really you know, but rarely you think of in these terms:
    What men and women NEED from a relationship are different – women need a balanced variety of things – sweetness, love, provision, safety, security, etc. etc. etc.
    But for men, 90% of what they need are sexually-related things. They need a pretty woman to look at – touch – talk to – have sex wtih – etc.

    So when you decide to arbitrarily “deny” him sex, you’re denying him 90% of what he needs. No this doens’t mean you’re not valuable, but just like you feel you have legitimate “needs”? Well – SO DOES HE. His are 90% sexual and that’s a legitimate male need from a relationship.

    So remember that if you’re tempted to do what many women do – expect safety, security, provision, love, sweetness (i.e., all the things a woman needs) – while failing to provide the one and primary 90% thing that a man needs – which is for you to be pretty and have sex.

    His need is no less legitimate than yours. Are you meeting his need at least as much as he is meeting yours?

    It may seem old fashioned , but it’s true.

  34. gimmeeabreak says:

    90 percent of a man’s needs are sexual? sounds like bunk to me, but you speak as tho a woman attempts to deny a man sex, yet you don’t seem to think a woman needs something to be able to give sex. if a man is unwilling to provide the preamble to get a woman in the mood, then whose fault is it that his big sex need isn’t getting met?

    ignore me in favor of tv until you decide you have to have your needs fulfilled and it’s unlikely to happen. why? no partner time. you may have a boner but I’m dry. give affection, and time instead of demanding you be serviced and perhaps things will work out better for your overwhelming need,

    or find someone like the female poster that doesn’t mind having sex when she’s asleep. I think there would be much tearing of the lady parts as we do require a certain level of stimulation for the body to be ready, but if she’s ok with it, it ain’t my problem.

    try being a good partner, not just a good lover and perhaps she’ll be in the mood to satisfy your needs when some of hers are satisfied. that actually works.

  35. Someonenice says:

    I’m a Girl, In my case i HATE sex because my husband just won’t do anything in bed. And expects me to start and finish him. Boring ;( so i talked to him but doesn’t change. FYI. we are not fat and we are young 30′s.. So i just do it to satify him ;(.. I onestly count the minutes till it ends. i will never cheat i just know i hate sex

  36. hereandthere says:

    In my case i HATE sex because my husband just won’t do anything in bed. And expects me to start and finish him. Boring ;( so i talked to him but doesn’t change. FYI. we are not fat and we are young 30′s.. So i just do it to satify him ;(.. I onestly count the minutes till it ends. i will never cheat i just know i hate sex

  37. HARRY TITUS says:

    The article, “How Women Ruin Their Sex Lives”, has very good information. I am only irritated that the format does not allow the information to printed efficiently. I unable to capture this for future reference.
    Why not make these types of help tips in a friendly, easy to print format???

  38. Wants To Get Sex Life Back says:

    I really like sex too but my husband has ED and we had been doing other things like oral sex with each other, because of the ED. And I have to say I really enjoy the oral sex very much, I always have. But lately it has slowed down, we have a teenager @ home and very seldom have any privacy or alone time like we was having when our teenager was gone. I really miss this, also we don’t sleep in the same bed only if our son is gone. My husband did go to the Dr. and he got Viagra, we just haven’t got the opportunity to get started yet but I’m hoping it will be soon. Cause lately we haven’t did very much fooling around with each other @ all, like I said no alone time. This is very frustrating to both of us. I would like to start having sex @ least 3 times a wk, I really do miss it, also I miss kissing also. We went for yrs. without a regular sex life and I don’t want it to go back to not having it. Does anybody have any advice to how I can make our sex life better, things that I can do to improve it I would really like to hear your input…and there is women who want oral sex and intercourse cause I am one of them. I really like it.

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