You heard that right.
What was that? You’ve never partaken in the thrill and adventure of high-stakes hermit crab racing?
Come along with me and I’ll explain to you everything you will ever need to know about this hottest of all extreme sports.
First, you need hermit crabs of the highest athletic caliber.
Preferably adorned with nail polish, glitter, and of course some serious fake-animal-sponsorship.
Top athletes need to focus on their training and upcoming competitions; hermit crabs are no exception.
This incredible ability to focus can leave them a bit tense and even temperamental prior to events.
It’s your duty to help them along by providing emotional support and letting them know you’ve got their back. Or, errrr…exoskeleton.
Of course, you’re not a professional coach…that’s a coveted position only the best of the best can attain, and people fight for those select spots from all over the globe.
Only they really know the intricacies of the race, the psychology of the sport, and the terrain of the track.
They are true heroes.
Sadly, not everyone can be a winner when it comes to Hermit Crab Races. Today’s winner was Yellow Dude, sponsored by Little Blue Bunnies Being Held By Turtles™.
Little Blue Bunnies Being Held By Turtles™, official sponsor of Hermit Crab Races*.
*OK so there is no real sponsor of hermit crab races, but if there was? Little Blue Bunnies Being Held by Turtles would totally be the one. And yes, there really are Hermit Crab races by the pool at the Westin Resort in Savannah. It’s rather epic. Between that, the s’mores, the huge classic games on the lawn, the crafts, scavenger hunts, foosball and pool tables and movie night (Happy Feet 2!), it was absolutely blissful. You should go. You deserve it!
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