The Best Gift My Mom Ever Gave Me? A Nose Job!
My Senior yearbook pic, at 17, pre-nose job.
Why would I ever admit that both my mom and I were apparently shallow enough to consider a nose job at 18 years of age the best graduation gift? Why not? Why would I be ashamed to talk – and even blog! – about a surgical procedure that I have never, ever regretted?
See, it’s being debated by many here on Babble – prompted by Ali Wentworth’s confession – why it’s so difficult for women to talk about cosmetic surgery and even to admit a desire to have something done. I love Catherine Connor’s hypothetical conversation among women where it takes some wine for them to open up about the desire to have this and that fixed. I laughed and recognized the situation, but at the same time realized that the scenario wouldn’t necessarily apply to a room full of Latinas.
It’s been reported that out of the 9.1 million cosmetic procedures (both surgical and non) performed in 2011, 8% of those were on Latinas. This leads me to believe that as a group we’re more likely to both engage in conversations about changing our physical appearance and actually going through with it because there’s not a huge cultural stigma attached to it. In fact, according to the New York Times, we Latinas love to fit our own stereotypical mold of having nice boobs and an uplifted butt (JLO, anyone?). Many also hail from two of the top 7 countries with most cosmetic surgeries: Brazil (#4) and Colombia (#5).
Of course, I’m generalizing and drawing my own conclusions. I’m sure I’ll get welcomed comments from amigas who are more feminist in nature, or who completely disagree with any type of alteration to our bodies because we must love ourselves as we are. Yeah, I agree. Yet, if I loved myself as I came from the package I would still be a spoiled brat and many other things I’ll leave for another confession piece.
I am also not scared to generalize because I have seen the trend amongst my own Latina friends and am living proof myself. Going back to my teen nose job, I had it done because I had the choice, not because I hated myself for having a bump on my nose. I probably would still be a happy person with my bump and all, but I honestly have never looked back or thought that focusing on my appearance first made me in any way shallow. Nor have I ever been ashamed to share my nose job story with anyone. In fact, I laugh when people tell me I have a perfect nose and how much it looks like my mom’s (it weirdly does!), and then I tell them it used to have a bump! I just can’t sit there and not share it because that would make me feel fake and shallow.
We can demonize our feelings, insecurities and lack of self esteem as much as we want, but the reality is that it’s a shattered mirror we as women have always lived with. We can blame society for it. We can blame men for it. We can live in a perpetual state of depression because we hate something about us that won’t allow us to integrate as much as we should. Some people have a better self esteem and coping mechanisms, some don’t. So let’s not perpetuate the cycle by also judging those who want and can fix what can be fixed in the exterior. The exterior and the interior are one, after all.
My own confession is that if I could afford it and not be terrified of the procedure, I would get a butt lift and liposuction to suck out my post-pregnancy muffin top in a heartbeat. Seems like I fit the mold, since liposuction is the #1 procedure in this country and butt lifts are one of the two top choices amongst Latinas.
How about you? Are you open about your desire for cosmetic surgery? Have you ever had one? Let´s talk and not be ashamed of our wants!
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You are gloriously beautiful, even with that bump I can’t see…
I’m on the side that doesn’t feel the need for surgery and probably because I am blessed with good skin for a cuarentona, which I credit to Cuban genes. Basically, I don’t want to be that person who dies on an operating table getting her butt reduced…because that would be me. I really need something more in my obit.
Likely, I’ll end up with some sort of eye lid lift because given the family history, the droop is inevitable. I’ll do it if I can’t see or if I look tired and crazy.
I’m not wholly against surgery. It is a very personal decision. It is about how we truly feel about ourselves, but we gotta know where it comes from, the need to be altered. Or, even the resistance to be altered. (And that goes for everything from hair dye, fake nails, crazy heels to no make-up and no real extra grooming/treatments/make-up/etc, right?)
And, as mothers, how we communicate the choices we make to our children, particularly our daughters?
Off to go look at my nose…
Oh yes, my sis and I always say that we will 1) get our boobs done if they turn into flapper jacks and 2) take care of any waddle issues that may appear with age. I have friend sand family members who have had something lifted, tucked and enhanced. And i’ve had no shame ooh-ing & aah-ing at the fab results. Do what will make you feel better about yourself, but everything in moderation.
Kudos to you for speaking up & out!
Very interesting post! You’ve given me a lot to think about Ana. You’re GORGEOUS, but I’m sure I would have considered you gorgeous, pre-nose-job, too. But no, I don’t consider you vain or shallow.
What I consider vain and shallow is the parents who force or coerce their young children into believing that they should get plastic surgery, or the women who actually judge others’ appearances because others refuse to have plastic surgery.
I talked about my own body image issues in a not-so-long-ago blog post, and about a corrective surgery I had on my foot. I guess my philosophy is, yeah, if I had money, I’m sure there are things I’d love to change about myself, but I won’t do it, because I’ve already had 19 medically-necessary surgeries, so in a way, I’m “saving myself” for any future medically-necessary procedures.
¡Que Dios te Bendiga, Ana!
@Carrie — I agree with you that it’s totally a personal issue and it should be done in moderation, but always considering where it’s coming from. Fixing the outside won’t always fix the inside, but maybe by nipping that in the butt (ha!) you discard that issue and realize you’re still left with more to deal with. Sorta like peeling the layers from an onion. And your Cubana skin…gorgeous!
And re the values we transmit to our kids, yep…I won’t even mutter the words “Me siento gorda” in front of her.
@Li — see?! We love talking/fantasizing about it. That’s the point, it’s no big deal to us in a judgmental sense.
@Laurita — you’re right, no one should coerce anyone to do anything. Punto. Body image is a huge issue, especially with our niñas right now, and that’s exactly why it should be okay for those who can easily deal with a body image that’s causing them internal conflicts to deal with it and not be judged. I need to read your post!
Thanks for this honest post, Ana! I agree that Latinas can be much more open about this. We can love how we look, and still want to improve it.
I appreciate your insights on how we want to be the best we can be and just because we’ve had – or want – cosmetic surgery doesn’t mean we don’t accept ourselves. Thanks for sharing your story.
Amiga, I don’t care about your nose because you are beautiful inside and outside. I confess that just like you, if I wasn’t afraid of surgeries, I would do lipo. However, at this point, an elective surgery is not in my plans.
Amen sista, preach on! I had work done but you would have to see me in person so I can point it out
Ha ha!
How cool and brave of you to share this story.
I’m kinda indifferent– as long as you’re healthy and happy I say go for it
Hola Ana! I grew up listening to my sister complain about her nose, she finally got a nose job when she was in her 20′s and honestly I couldn’t see much of a difference lol! I still joke with her that she wasted her money but she feels great about it. Although I fantasize and flirt with the idea of the lap band I have been too scared to do it not because I think I’ll end up dead but because of other insecurities and issues. En todo caso you have a beautiful nose and I love your yearbook picture
I have really mixed feelings on the topic, (and despite the surname, as you know, I’m only Latina by marriage so maybe this will be more of a gringa perspective.)
I won’t deny the desire/fantasy of altering myself, and if someone told me they’d pay for a full makeover including any plastic surgery I wanted, who knows what I’d ultimately decide to do or not do — but the fact that I’d even consider it, bothers me. The reasons behind wanting to change my exterior make me sad and angry.
It’s human nature to value beauty and women especially are judged first, (and sometimes solely), on how sexually attractive they are. It makes me angry that a certain image is expected of me, and that to some people I’m less valuable because I don’t live up to the standard. It makes me angrier still that I play into the game. You want a confession? Here’s mine — Some days, quite honestly, I resent even shaving my underarms and legs. Why am I doing this when it’s the same exact hair that my husband grows in the same places but doesn’t feel pressured to shave off? It seems completely unfair.
So – while I won’t pretend that I wouldn’t have any cosmetic surgery done, it makes me sad to even fantasize about that list. That list represents to me, the things I don’t like about myself because they don’t fit the image I’ve been brainwashed into thinking is better than what I am — and that’s not a happy place.
At the same time, I don’t judge anyone who has had plastic surgery or anyone who goes to great lengths to keep up a beautiful exterior. I understand why they do it because I succumb to the pressure too.
As for your nose, I don’t even see a bump – which is something I find interesting. Sometimes the faults we see in ourselves are exaggerated through our own eyes. The things one is unhappy about, might be invisible or even endear them to those who love them.
I love you mucho, Ana, and would have loved you with the other nose – and yet, whatever makes you happy, amiga. Live and let live. xo
Years ago I went to a doctor in Chile for a lipo consultation and my parents were going to pay for it. They had seen my struggle and thought a little help wouldn’t hurt anyone. In the end I didn’t do it, (I got scared) but yes, I’ve told my husband that later on I would get some work done if I had to. But funny enough, I just did a post on loving yourself and accepting my body, hips, thighs and cellulite. I have to deal with what I have for now but it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t go for “un arreglín”
I would do it but I am soooo scared. You also have to be so careful as to who does it. A good friend of mine just did lipo and ended up in the hospital and almost dies…
Wow Ana! Beautiful pre and post surgery! Sin duda!
Nomás porque soy una coyona, but fears aside I would definitely have a tummy tuck (post preg body sucks!) and fix my boobs. Not bigger please! Small and perky. Hahaha!
Love reading you siempre siempre!
Un abrazote!
While I’ve always known about your nose, I don’t think I’d ever seen a before photo… and I can’t really see a bump either… But if getting the nose job made you happier, I don’t see anything wrong with that at all! My mom did the same thing when she was young, maybe like 20 or 21, and so by the time I met her, she already had her “new” nose. She also got a facelift a few years ago and although we were worried about the whole thing, everything came out perfect and she was super happy with the results. And I never thought less of her for doing so. Nor did it create any insecurities about myself.
I’m a bit of a coward and I’m not sure if I’d go for something major like lipo or a tummy tuck, but if I had had the money when I was younger, I would’ve gotten a nose job because I’ve always hated it and I don’t think it has anything to do with what society says I should look like. I think I’m a pretty confident person, but I just don’t like how my nose looks, that’s all.
This is a great topic… will be writing my own post about it.
When I was seventeen, my parents offered to pay for a nose job. I know that their offer came out of love (I had – and spoiler alert: still have) a nose of size, shall we say, but the message it sent me was harsh: You can be better.
I turned that offer down and I’m sort of shocked that at that age I had the wherewithal to do so. I’m glad I did.
And I’m glad that your experience was so positive.
Iv thought and talked about having a few different things done. Though two of them have some sort of medical relavant reason for the reason they are the way they are i would still like them changed.
I would love to have my nose done, there is a wide lump in the bridge from having broken it twice when i was younger. The first time flipping over the handle bars of my bike, the second when i passed out and landed face first on my hard tile bathroom floor. this lump gets in the way of eye glasses and sun glasses, and seeing as how i will soon have to wear glasses this is a problem.
I would like to have a breast implant. and yes that is a as in one. one side is over a full cup size smaller than the other because of an issue with the muscle wall on that side. Do you relize how hard it is to get a bra that fits me right??! To have one side a D and the other between a B and a C, is horrible. i realise most women have one side thats silghtly smaller than the other but mine are absolutly rediculous.
the other thing id like to have done is to have some lipo done. the fat on the inside of my thighs i have never been able to get ride of, even when id dropped a ton of weight before i got preg. also a little on my belly to help with the baby weight that iv had so much difficulty getting rid of.
though i dont think i will ever get any of it done it would make me feel so much better as a person. some people may think im shallow for wanting it, but i like who i am as i person and id like my outside to reflect my inside. Id never go all Joan Rivers or anything but a little here or there would be nice.
Ha! I have always thought you had a cute nose
I’m no Latina, but I’d get me some lip and a tummy tuck if I could have an endless supply of pain medicine and a nanny during the recovery stage.
I love this Ana! Thanks so much for sharing. . .very brave and candid. I think that it’s a personal choice. Ever since breaking my nose years ago playing basketball, it’s something I’ve struggled with too! I don’t consider making cosmetic changes vain at all. If it’s something that makes you feel better about yourself and is done in moderation for the right reasons, it’s ok in my book.
You’re beautiful before and after! Now let’s talk about those bangs
Thanks for sharing Ana. I’m debating about this right now – how to respond to my own daughter’s requests. She’s serious, she’s watched videos of the surgery. But my guy screams “No!”. It’s not taboo in Jewish culture either. I was the odd one out without a nose job. My nose was ok in high school I always joked that I would get one for my 40th birthday because noses in our family seem to grow forever. Now my ENT is begging me to deal with my very deviated septum and I am too chicken!
I love this conversation! Anita is that a picture after your nose job? it looks super cute to me. I agree with you. If it makes you feel better about yourself, go for it. I would never do it myself but not because I disagree in principle, but because I hate the idea of needless pain or spending time or money on it (imaginate que casi ni me peino! LOL).
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