And I wasn’t even drunk


There is a tendency among new parents to want to hole up at home because lugging a toddler around with all the gear — diapers, food, sippy cups,  sunscreen, toys, plastic bags for dirty diapers, etc — can be a pain in the butt.  But holing up at home because the thought of a jaunt with a toddler is too much work is even worse.

June and I drove an hour to a nearby vineyard for their annual wine festival.  Virginia is loaded with amazing vineyards, but this particular destination specializes in fruit wines — peach, cranberry, peach and blackberry.  I’ve long been intrigued by such questionable vintages.

Our first order of business at the festival was to pick blackberries. I put on my sunglasses, let June loose while I scoured the bushes.   As I picked, I plied her with the sweet tart berries.

At one point while bent over some bushes, my Gucci sunglasses — one of the last pricey designer splurges from my NYC days — fell off my face onto the ground.  I put them back on and kept picking, leaving June in the shade to play with my iPhone and empty the contents of my wallet. When I stood back up, I noticed my vision was off, like one eye could focus more than the other.  It almost made me dizzy, but I ignored it, thinking it was one of those random body tics that quickly corrects itself.  A nice couple approached, we started talking and I sort of forgot about my slightly wonky vision.  Then their children stopped by and I couldn’t help but notice everyone quinting at me funny, but I assumed it was the sun in their eyes.

It was only 20 minutes later — after June and I had paid for our blackberries, visited the rest room, checked out local artisans’ wares — that I realized my glasses only had one lens.

The lens had somehow popped out while I was bent over the blackberry bushes.  There I was, wandering around the festival like a one-eyed bandit blasted on blackberry wine and I hadn’t even had a drink.

Even June looked at me funny. I was so mortified, it was all I could but to laugh then leave as quickly as possible.  We didn’t bother looking for the lens.




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