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ANOTHER new wardrobe for my kid?!

That’s it! I give up! I’m moving to a nudist colony where I don’t have to try and keep up with the madness.

Noah has done it again. He’s turned perfectly good, perfectly long pants into pants that are only good for one thing… wading through high water.

Five months ago, or maybe it was four (though in reality, it was less than three, it’s just too painful to admit that), I went to the Osh Kosh uber-discount outlet store (they don’t sponsor me, but I love ‘em!) and bought Noah an entire new wardrobe. I was able to do that because, well, it’s the uber discount outlet store.

I thought I was being all sneaky and awesome as I bought him clothes that were a size and a half too big for him. I figured he’d do fine with them for at least a year or two. Maybe three.

Nope… his pants are all officially too short.

Four months later (or was it five?) and it looks like he’s had them for years.

Damn it.

Two months ago he started complaining of leg pain. Oh great, I thought as I instantly knew that he was starting another growth spurt. Sure enough, yesterday I measured him and he’s tacked on another inch and a half. All in the legs.

His shirts fit just fine. It’s his legs that seem to be just a little too anxious in their race to the finish line. It’s like he was grabbed by the head and the feet and stttrrrrreeeetttttcccchhhheeeeeed way out.

What he needs is a girth spurt. In a famine, I fear he’d be the first to go. No matter what I feed him, the kid just doesn’t fatten up. I’m sure one day he’ll be thankful for that. Right now, Dad wishes he had a chubby little kid like he used to.

Anyways, while buying new clothes is annoying, it’s not as disturbing to me as the fact that every time he has a growth spurt he looks so much more grown-up. He’s turning into a boy. He left babydome eons ago. Toddlerdome is in the distant rearview. Even “little boy” is becoming a thing of the past. Yep, he’s just a regular old boy, nothing little about him anymore. And that scares me because the next stage is teenager.

Hopefully that 8 year span lasts a while.

In the meantime, I guess I’ll go buy him a new wardrobe. This time, I’ll buy him clothes four sizes too big and hope they last a little while.

Sheesh.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

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