Should twins be separated in kindergarten?
A couple of weeks ago, we met with the principal of the school the girls will be going to next year when they start kindergarten. (Kindergarten! Holy crap! What happened to my babies??) We were just curious to meet her ahead of time, see the school, get a sense of its strengths and weaknesses, etc.
We were very happy, overall. It seems like a great school, despite the challenges it faces having a large population of kids living below the poverty line. It’s incredibly diverse (racially, socioeconomically, ethnically, etc.), the facilities are beautiful and new, and the teachers–according to the principal–are extremely dedicated and talented.
Plus: because so many kids qualify for free breakfast, the principal applied for a grant so that *everybody* can get free breakfast. Score!! AND, it’s only a five-minute walk from our house. Double score!!
So the only big question on our minds now is whether to put the girls into separate classrooms next year.
Both Alastair and I feel pretty strongly that at some point the girls should be in separate classes, so they can establish their independence from each other more, make their own friends, etc. Not that we would be totally opposed to keeping them together if it seemed like it really would be better for them, or if *they* had super-strong feelings about it. But from everything I’ve heard and read on the subject, it seems like a good way to go. (Two different sets of homework notwithstanding.)
I actually asked the girls how they feel about splitting up. I wanted to get their take, even though it will ultimately be us making the decision.Clio wants to: “Because I get to play with Elsa all the time at home and I want to play with my own friends in school, but Elsa always wants to play with me.”
Elsa does not: “Noooo!! I want to stay together!” (Thus proving Clio’s point; Elsa’s somewhat dependent on her sister. Which is unexpected, given how much more outgoing she is in general. But in many ways Clio is more socially mature.)
So, I was initially feeling like maybe we *should* just bite the bullet and separate them from the get-go next year in elementary school. But then when we were actually there, and I saw how big it was, and how overwhelming it might be for them (especially the notion of sharing the same building and space with kids much older than them) I started feeling like maybe we should keep them together one more year, until they make the adjustment to “big kid” school. Alastair thinks we should, too.
I know that, obviously, every family and every set of twins is different, and you have to do what’s right in your individual case. But I’d be curious to hear about your experiences / decisions on this topic — whether you’ve got twins or you’re a twin yourself. Have at it!
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I think it really depends on the twins. Right now, I think we will be splitting N and G up when they go to Kindergarten next year. I think they irritate each other when they spend too much time together, and I want to encourage Nye to be more independent of Gerran (Gerran is like Clio, more socially mature). If I asked them how they feel, I’m fairly sure Nye would say no and Gerran yes. Their pre-school teachers think they should be separated. However, my mother, a twin, has very strong feelings about this- that no twins should ever be separated under any circumstances. She was never separated from her sister, and feels that they each developed their own friendship group and supported each other (I’m not sure I agree with her on that one, as they still mostly hang out with just each other, but there you go). So I’m pretty sure we will be separating, but not without a little regret. It’s a tough decision.
We split them up starting in kindergarten, but it was a somewhat different situation. They had an older sister that went to the same school, and they were very familiar with the building. We live next door to the school, and I always dragged them with me when I volunteered for PTO jobs at the school. On balance though, I would have split them even if they weren’t familiar with the school. Are you ready for separate birthday parties?
I do not have twins, or even more than one child, but I have a son who is VERY social, and also in love with one of his buddies at school. They are inseparable most of the time, and I have heard reports from the teachers that Cooper has a hard time accepting when Charlie decides to do something different from, and with other people, than Cooper wants to do. It has been a good lesson for Cooper to have to handle that, learn that he can do things on his own, play with other kids, and the world does not come to an end. If I can make the somewhat large leap of logic to connect that to your situation, it would probably do Elsa a lot of good to be on her own sooner rather than later, so she can develop those coping mechanisms that it sounds like Clio already has. Although if you feel it would be too much change at once, being separated on top of starting a new school, new teachers, new everything, and that might stress Elsa out TOO much the first time out, maybe it isn’t the right time to do it. Only you know your kids well enough to decide.
Kindergarten (junior kindergarten) starts at age 4 here, so our four-year-old boy-girl twins are halfway through their first year. We kept them in the same class for this year, and it’s working out well. But our two are vastly different and don’t play together at school at all really, so it hasn’t been an issue so far. One is much more social and outgoing, and one much quieter, but we haven’t noticed any dependence issues so far. And I have to say, the one set of homework thing really is a big asset. Not even just homework yet at this stage, of course, but just keeping up with their routine at school is a challenge – having two different teachers would double the effort. Booking one parent-teacher meeting to talk about both kids was useful too! And the other “positive” I enjoy is that we hear two entirely different accounts of the same day. Meaning, they did the same things at school, and yet the stories they choose to tell are totally different. Or even when they talk about the same thing (music class, let’s say), you hear two entirely unique perspectives. As a storyteller yourself, you may appreciate this! And I do like knowing that they have each other to navigate new experiences at school, even though the older they get the less they seem to need that.
On the other hand, on occasion I do think it might be useful for them to have a life apart from one another. A totally separate set of friends and experiences. Separate birthday party invitations, that sort of thing. But for now, we’ll probably keep things as they are, until it seems like a problem.
Lawsy girl, I could easily go on and on….
Here’s our take…if you want to peek!
http://twinfatuation.blogspot.com/2009/10/divided-we-thrive.html
Thanks again for the feature — and I look forward to hearing how it transpires with your sweeties! :) (It will work out….and like birth stories, ’twill be all your own….and fodder for great future posts!)
Very timely! We separated our boys in kindergarten this year. It has been a BLAZING success. Let me tell you the reasons why it’s been good for us.
Kindergarten is a huge change and overwhelming for everyone, all of the kids. By separating them, we helped them learn to depend on themselves and their own strengths instead of letting their twin help them. (Nate tends to talk for Alex.) Both of their confidence has increased greatly. Plus we thought – why not start out in public school the way we mean to go for the whole time?
We wanted to be DONE with teachers and kids thinking of them as a unit. Everyone at their old school referred to them as “Nate and Alex”. They got invited to the same parties, the same playdates, played in the same group with the same kids. Now they each have their own friends and they are thought of as individuals. Their teachers only worry about one twin instead of comparing them against each other.
They get along so much better now that they have time apart. They look forward to spending time with each other now. They have their own experiences to share with our family instead of one big common shared experience.
I am SO SO SO glad we separated them. It has been so good for each of them and also good for us. I LOVE hearing about their different friends, different teachers, and seeing how they fit into kindergarten in each of their classes. And they just happen to have lunch and recess as the same time so they get to see each other, and make common friends as well.
Sorry for the super long comment. More on my blog if you search for “kindergarten”: JonAndLaura.blogspot.com
We separated our kids when they started preschool at age 3. I might have kept them together for the first year or two, but because their school keeps them in the same class for three years (through K), it was kind of a “now or never” separation.
I am THRILLED with having them in different classes, for many of the same reasons as LauraC. It means a lot to me that the teachers don’t look at them as a unit, which I would think would be an even bigger concern with same-gender twins as it is for my boy/girl pair. And they can’t compare *themselves* to each other quite as readily, either. I also think they get along better because they have a break from each other. Believe me, they still get PLENTY of time to be together – both in school and obviously at home. But separating was the right way to go for us, and I don’t regret it for even a moment.
Only you know your kids, of course, so it’s totally your decision to make. But my two cents is to say Do It. Yes, it’ll be a transition, but it was going to be that anyways. I’m a rip-off-the-band-aid kind of person, so I say just get the whole transition done from the beginning.
Hello from Barcelona, Spain!
It works a little bit different for us, ’cause we start at ‘school’ at the age of 3. My twin girls are born on December, so they started at the school of “big children” -as they say- at 2.
For the past year and a half they had gone together in class but at the end we decided (most difficult and discussed decision we have faced by now) that they would go to different classes. The pros and contras are easy to list (I did it myself and I asked anyone) but the problem is that finally the decision is ‘yours’. First of all I thought that they would have each other on the ‘adaptation process’, but at the same time I was seeing some attitudes between them that I didn’t like much. But something that the director of the school told me made me decide to separate them. So we did. It was hard at the beggining (but because of the new building and teachers I guess, not only ’cause they were separated), but it’s over. They enjoy every single day at school. The two classes make a lot of activities together, so, they see each other…
Moreover, I’ll tell you there are 4 set of twins in this level!!!!
Bufff!!! that was a long answer ;)
Sure you’ll find out what’s best for the children
I invite you all to have a look and join our ‘particular’ invasion!
THE TWIN INVASION
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Núria
Did the principal have any opinion?
UGH that is so tough. My almost 3 years old go to pre-school 2 days a week and we kept them together. We always say that we want to seperate them when they get a little older to do just what you said and build their independence. We differ slightly form you because they go to a small private school and the classrooms are only about 14 kids AND their is only 1 class per grade so that decision has been made for us if we decide to keep them there. the teachers are really good at encouraging them to seperate. Their assigned seats are at different tables, one is usually at the fron to fthe line while the other is at the back and during small group time they keep them in seperate groups. We are, however, thinking of moving back to Northern Va which at that point where the schools are larger I probably would keep them together just until they were comfortable with the larger classrooms etc. Or unless they requested otherwise. It’s a tough decision. Is it posbbile to put them in seperate rooms for the first few days and see how they do?? Good luck. I’ll beinterested in seeing how they (and you) do.
@Wiley — the principal basically said it’s up to the parents, because we know our kids best. We went in thinking we should definitely separate them, but she told us that most twins have stayed together in K, and then split up in first grade, which got us second-guessing ourselves… (well, myself; Alastair was less sure all along)
@Liz, the “rip off the bandaid” approach was sort of what I was thinking, too. I’m not convinced it will be that much easier in first grade.
@Lynn — Oh God, didn’t even think about the birthday issue. Oy!
Another data point here . . .
Maddie and Riley went to preK at the same public school where they now go to K. There was only one preK class, so they stayed together. For the move to K, it was my gut reaction and the Maddie’s and Riley’s preference to request that they be placed in the same class. Their preK teacher’s evaluation was that their learning would not be affected either way. So they stayed in the same class and that has been working out great. They have their own friends by their teacher’s report don’t seem to interact with each other much more than they interact with any other kids in their class, but they do seem to be comforted by the others’ presence at times.
As a parent, I appreciate having one set of classroom materials, lessons, etc. to deal with (although I realize that can’t and won’t be the case forever). I anticipate that M&R will at some point *ask* to be separated, but until they want that or someone at their school offers me a compelling reason to do so, I’m going to advocate for them to stay together.
(Re: b-day parties, I had separate parties for M&R last year and I actually found it to be easier than combined parties. Go figure.)
When my girls started kindergarten last year, it was a new town and new school, with only one kindergarten class. It worked out very well for them, and they made some new friends. Fast forward to this year, when there are now two classrooms and we were able to separate them. They were fine with it, in terms of being apart from one another. They miss each other, but it definitely helps them to have time apart. Also, my girls are identical and many people still can’t tell them apart (we cut their hair differently before starting kindergarten and even that doesn’t always work!). So it’s been good for them to be in a room where everyone knows who they are right away.
But, what has been hard, is that all of their little girl friends from kindergarten are in Isabel’s classroom, and she rather quickly bonded with one of them. Meanwhile, my other daughter had almost all new kids in her room, and she has not clicked with anyone in the same way. So the hardest thing for her is her sister and all her friends are together, and she is not part of it. We’re working through it and she’s handling it well, but I keep wishing we’d had the option of separating them in kindergarten, and then this might not be an issue (at least, not right now!). But I don’t think it’s ever easy, and who knows what next year’s classroom breakdowns will bring us.
So, just another thing to think about is that starting them off together and them separating them can have other complications. If you’re planning to ultimately separate, it might be better to just do it from the start and see how it goes. You can always change your mind if they have real issues with it.
That being said, you and your husband should do what you think is best. It really does depend on the specific kids. Look forward to reading about what you decide!
Hi Jane,
I think this is something most parents of twins struggle with because we are so used to having our twins together. Thus, the world and the twins themselves get used to the girls always being together! Obviously I don’t know all of your family dynamics, but even from the brief snippet of conversation you write about I would say wholeheartedly that your girls should be separated. It may be harder for Elsa at first, but she will never be able to see that she has the ability to make her own friends and be truly seen as an individual if she isn’t given the opportunity to overcome her fear of being without her sister. And Clio doesn’t ned the extra burden of feeling that she always has to include her sister or share her friend etc.
As hard as it is, you should give them the gift of their own classrooms in my opinion. And if you haven’t yet read it, I highly recommend Dr. Joan Friedman’s book “Emotionally Healthy Twins”. Joan is an identical twins & also the mother of twins. Her life’s work is helping parents understand twins’ needs for individuality.
On a personal note, my boy/girl twins start K next September as well & we are definitely splitting them. We did it at camp this past Summer & it was hard for our son (which surprised me because he’s the one who always complains about his sister), but it made it so much nice for them when they WERE together.
Let us know how it goes!
-Gina
I meant to also add that I personally don’t think waiting longer will make it easier. It only gives the girls longer to get entrenched in the belief that they MUST be together. I am all for separating twins as early as possible. I would have done it in preschool if our school had the room!
Good luck to you in whatever you decide. :)
- Gina
I am nervous about the splitting up my girls myself and fortunately we have like 2 years till it happens. That said I think if you are going to split them at school it should be at the very beginning so they get accustomed to doing things separately.
I have had a similar experience to yours. Here’s our story:
Our twins are identical and very, very close. When they were coming out of preschool and heading into kindergarten, we asked their teachers what they thought re:placement in kindergarten. They suggested that because they were so close, they might adjust better to all-day kindergarten if they were together in the same class. Feeling like their preschool teachers had a better handle on that than we did, since we weren’t in the classroom to see them, we took their advice. As it turns out, it was disastrous for us.
Ryan and Zach are identical, so none of their classmates could tell them apart. They stopped trying to guess who was who and instead started calling them both by their last name. At first, it didn’t bother them, but then it started becoming a big deal for them. And it was a big deal for my husband and I once we found out. We never wanted them to be the same person. We wanted them to forge their own way, have their own identity. They didn’t. We also noticed that, because one twin is academically ahead, he was pulling his brother along. The brother being pulled didn’t mind that, but it was starting to frustrate the one who was doing the pulling.
So we made the decision to split them up in 1st grade, hoping it would be better. It was – sort of. They still had many of the same friends in each class from kindergarten and they were still called by their last name. But they were starting to forge their own identities a little bit. The best thing that ever happened to them was us moving to a different state in the middle of 1st grade. Apart from the obvious adjustments that have to be made to moving in the middle of the school year, it was awesome. They had a fresh start. Many of the kids, at least for that half a year, didn’t know they were a twin and they could each really be their own person. They made their own friends. They each excelled in different academic areas. They really flourished that semester and the following year (they were in a school where classes and teachers stayed the same for 1st and 2nd grades). They developed their own interests. Really, really good for them both socially and academically.
We have since kept them apart. This year, 5th grade, we gave them the option. One chose together, one chose apart. So we separated them. We told them it had to be unanimous. They were cool with that decision. However, about 6 weeks in, we got a call that 2 spots opened up in the same class at the charter school we were on the waiting list for. We of course had to jump at the chance so they are now both in the same class. They started out across the room from each other, but now sit next to each other. It seems to be working out better than we feared it would. Next year, we will again give them the choice. I think it will be interesting to see what they choose based on their experience this year.
Ultimately, it will be your decision. It isn’t an easy one by any means. It really makes you look at each child’s strengths and weaknesses very closely. In my experience, it is much harder for them to forge their own identities after they’ve been together. We were lucky because we happened to be given a fresh start. Starting over meant we could go back. Most don’t have that option. You know your kids best, but my opinion, fwiw, is that if one would rather be separated, it might be harder for her to be put in the opposite position. It’s much easier to put them together if apart doesn’t work than to take them apart once they are together. Does that make sense?
I have attended several multiple births conferences since my 4 year old twins were born. I heard John Mascazine speak at one of them. He has done a lot of research on this topic. I found he has a lot of the information online now. He does have a book about it as well. Basically, while there will always be exceptions, twins are good kept together until grade 2, after that – ask them if they have an opinion and go from there.
My boys were together for part time nursery school and are together in Junior Kindergarten now. They go every other day and one is speech delayed and he is just going part days. I know many people who keep their twins or triplets together for the early years, but some who have separated them too. Good Luck!
Here is an excerpt from the website.
http://tandm.curtin.edu.au/school/sy2.cfm
Advantages of separation in school
The children are able to operate as individuals within the class situation.
The teacher is more likely to compare the multiple child against the peer group instead of his or her co-multiple(s)
The multiple birth child is able to operate without his or her co-multiple telling, particularly if he or she isin trouble
The multiple birth child has an opportunity to make friends and socialise as an individual (although this may not be the case at playtimes and in after-school activities)
Disadvantages of separation in school
Multiple birth children may need the support of each other particularly if they have not experienced separation prior to school
Even if multiple birth children are comfortable when separated, they may need to be able to check up on what the other is doing
If one child is dominant the dominant child may lose confidence as he or she no longer has his or her co-multiple(s) to organise
The children may be compared more at home particularly if one appears to be making more progress e.g. gets a reading book first
The teachers are less likely to understand how the children operate as multiples e.g. being upset if one is ill or in trouble
Does it matter?
Until recently, there has been no good evidence about the benefits or otherwise of separating multiples. Studies done once the multiples are in the school system cannot distinguish whether any problems were pre-existing and the reason for any separation or were caused by the separation. Two recent studies, one in the UK and the other in The Netherlands have shown some negative effects of separation or at least no benefits. The effects were not enormous, but clearly show separation is not a universal solution to issues that may arise with multiples. These studies are discussed in more detail in our article in Early Human Development.
We decided to keep our girls together for Kindergarten which they started this year. Our reasoning was similar to your thoughts. It’s a big school (K-8 with three K classes) and a big transition and they’ve been together in school up until this point. I thought the transition from K to 1st would be a much better time to do it. I’m totally happy with our decision and can already see that separating for 1st is a totally doable goal now. Good luck with your decision. Whatever you decide, I’m sure the girls will thrive. K is a big step emotionally for everyone, but it’s such a great time in their lives once we all become comfortable with it.
I have twin first grade girls and we separated them in kindergarten for the following reasons:
-they needed an individual identity – instead of the “girls” or the “twins”
-they look alike but have different personalities, so I wanted them to have their own friends.
- they see each other all the time
- they each learn differently and I wanted to make sure that the teacher did not confuse them
The results?
The good:
-the girls made a lot of friends- some of the same and some different
-the teachers saw them as individuals
- the girls did not fight as much at home- Score for the parents!
The challenges:
-individual playdate invites and birthday parties- different friends therefore, one gets invited to a birthday party and the other does not. This was a good learning experience for me and them. :-) “You can’t be friends with everyone.” “Max is your sister’s friend so that is why she was invited to the party.” My husband or I takes the other one to do something special while the other twin is at the party.
-Two different sets of homework, teacher experiences/direction
-two parent teacher conferences (working parent schedule nightmare, but hey most other parents with two kids do it, right?)
The positive outweighed the negative and we will continue to do it in the years to come!
I don’t think you can mess it up, so whatever you pick try not to second guess yourself.
My brothers are twins and they were split up in kindergarten, so that’s the only personal experience I have related to that. My own gut instinct would be to just do it early, especially if one of them already wants to. It will be a big transition going to the new school no matter what, so may as well just dive in and get as much of the early adjustment out of the way as possible. My kids all started school at 3, and that first year was hard in some ways on all of them and they didn’t hit their stride until the next year. I would worry that keeping the twins together the first year would just delay that adjustment even longer. But you are the ones who know your girls best! I will be interested to see what you decide.
I LOVE hearing everybody’s stories. It’s fascinating how divided people are (although in a very friendly way – thank you!) about this issue. Which suggests that it really does come down to the individual parents and kids.
But — ugh — now I feel even more confused!!
i am not a parent of twins (I do have 3 children) but I taught pre-k for 12 years and had at least 1 twin in my class for 10 of those years. In my experience the twins did MUCH better at school–academically and socially if they were separated. It gave each child a chance to develop their individuality and independence. I often told parents that from my perspective it seems as if twins sat soooo much of their lives (parents, rooms, toys etc) and wouldn’t it be great to be able to give your child something of their “own”? Parents of multiple children have to attend several conferences, communicate with numerous teachers etc. and it is completely feasible. Most schools have shared recess and lunch times fro grade levels givings twins the opportunity to play together during the day.
I didn’t read all the comments, and don’t have twins myself, but a friend of mine does have twins, and she separated them with the option that if it wasn’t working out, she could have them in the same class…
My twins are only babies so I don’t need to make this decision for some time. I also have a boy and a girl so I am less concerned about fostering independence and more concerned about encouraging and strengthening their special twin bond.
I went to a talk by a child psychologist, himself an identical twin, and he said there was no right or wrong on this issue. He suggested aiming to mix it up and have them in the same class one year and different classes the next. He did not advocate forcing separation, especially at a young age, and said it was natural for them to want to be together. The most important thing is that they don’t feel compared.
Interestingly, he said that if one twin wants to be apart and the other twin wants to stay together, it may be the twin who wants to separate that has the problem. Apparently, it may be a sign of insecurity – if they don’t get enough individual attention from their parents, it can make them reject the idea of being a twin. Whereas the one who wants to stay together is not dependent on their sibling but just secure and happy being a twin and naturally enjoying their twin’s company.
My husband and his twin were in separate classe for most of elementary school, and it was a pretty positive experience, even though they were/are quite close and were one anothers’ best friends as kids. They were very, very identical, so I think it helped them make their own friends and branch out a bit.
By junior high / high school, they were almost invariably in the same classes since they were on the same academic track (i.e., there was only one Honors English class, which they both took).
I’m sure they will be fine either way! Your local schools sounds really neat.
Hey there’..warning..long as usual
I have been putting a lot of thought into this subject and like most of the other commentors here, I think that your girls will be fine no matter what you decide. They will adapt, survive, thrive DESPITE everything/anything because they come from YOUR loving home (unless you decide to go the way of keeping them in the cupboard). However I think I have some observations/questions that don’t seem to be asked/considered very often.
Siblings of the same age aka twins are in a unique situation in that they will experience life with a sibling of the exact same age and therefore have an amazing opportunity to share their lives from the same perspective. Sharing childhood school memories seems to be how many friendships are forged and these can last into adulthood. Why prevent twins from having this in common? To my mind this would be a very enriching human life experience. Why is that bond considered so negatively? Is it because it is considered unfair to other children who can’t have their best friend, older/younger sibling with them in the classroom? Twins don’t choose their situation but why should they not be permitted to enjoy their special relationship? Instead of trying to break the bond why can’t it be nurtured? Is it really such a big deal ultimately if they choose to remain close? Why can’t your twin sister be your best friend? Do we immediately separate best friends by default?
All the feedback from the parents of twins who have been separated seems to be positive. How do we know that it wouldn’t have been fine if they hadn’t been? We can’t experiment on a set of quads can we? And as blueravefinn Lisa commented…there was not actually any substantial/real research supporting the “pro separation” attitudes- it was mostly based on the value we place on individuality and independence, and now the most recent research suggests separation may negatively affect learning in very subtle ways. Anxiety and stress may manifest in ways that are not obvious to a teacher. Could the problem of comparison/judgement actually stem from the home environment/parenting style/dynamics…just saying, it’s easy to blame a bunch of little kids who can barely remember all their classmates names on a good day anyway, and a teacher who wants a less complicated life where she doesn’t have to work out who is who. I think it is easier to identify strengths and weaknesses when the children are doing the same thing. I have no problem with them being compared to each other- no different to being compared to any other child or all other children in that classroom and to the standards against which all the children are evaluated. It is what you do with that comparison that counts.
If you ASK your children if they want different classrooms chances are high that you will get two different answers and then no matter what you decide someone “loses”. You can ask a 5 year old the question but you can also ask them if they want their immunisations. A 5 year old doesn’t get everything they want and there are decisions that a parent should make. Asking their opinion at this age may not be helpful.
In addition there are family factors to take into account. In our situation, I am an older mother with a husband who travels frequently and no family in this country, with another child who is 6 years older. I have limited energy /patience for homework and complicating our home life. My elder child is still at the same school, she also had the same K teacher. I have built up a trusting and respectful relationship with her. She has looked toward having the girls in her class. Our children do not have any delays or physical problems and they are fraternal. We chose to keep them together in their two years of pre school and now in kindergarten. My desire to nurture their relationship is in no small part driven by the lack of a relationship I have with my own sister who was always an adversary rather than a friend. My mother confirmed that from babyhood we’d have soon eaten spiders than touch each other affectionately. (We dislike each other intensely, a combination of personality and difficult environemnt.) I am also a class mom. I could not do that if they were in 2 different classes. In addition at some point in the next few years we will relocate to our home country. We are hopeful having shared classroom experiences will strengthen the camradarie(S?) between our girls when they face their next challenge in a new school/country. Having each other will make the adjustment easier.
Our girls will ultimately be separated in school …there are 12 more years in which to do that. I can’t say for sure we will do it next year or the year after. I will fight against the presumption that twins SHOULD be split, and make the decision based on our children and our circumstances.
Nutterbutter — thank you for all your thoughts on the subject!! Really interesting and valid points all. I think you’re right that there is an incredible value in the twin experience and bond. I definitely don’t think it’s helpful to encourage severing that; at the same time I think it’s important to provide opportunities for individual experiences and friendships.
In any case, I suspect that it’s a situation where it’s hard to do the wrong thing. Unless we start keeping them in the cupboard — which I have, at times, been tempted to do.
Also forgot to mention….that Repete song stops them in their tracks..thank your wonderful husband for his great music! We are gifting our friends with his music this year.
My twins started pre-k this year. 4 yr old identical boys who had spent less than an hour apart their entire life. So we had to make this decision too, ultimately we decided to start them off in the same class because of every reason you could think of. However… A few weeks into school we received a call from the teacher (in the beginning we had asked the input from her and the principals.) Any way like you we have one very adventurous one and the other that very much wants to be with his brother. The teacher was noticing that the less independent one was not adapting as well as the other children because he was more focused on brother, and the adventurous one was being held back as well. So reluctantly (i was probably as upset as the twins) we decided to go ahead and put them in different classes. Luckily the other class was literally right across the hall and the boys got to eat lunch together and even get to go to the others class occasionally. That was in Sept… Here it is a few months later and both of them are very excited to have their own classes and their own friends. Both are much more independent at home now too.
I am a identical Twin and remember when when the school would try to made us go to separate classes. My Sister and I liked being in the same class and yes we played together but we also made life long friends that now in my 40s I still talk to. When we were separated we would not do as well academically. Their was a safe feeling having your twin in the same room. We now live One hour from each other, have different Jobs,friends and separate lives so It didn’t cause any problems becoming independent people. It did give us a safe and warm environment to discover who we are, together! I have found some parents push so hard for their twins to be different. I find it stops the children from being themselves and try to become opposite from their twin. My Sister and I like the same things, music,cloths, T.V programs and Its OK. I hear parents say, My twins are so different, their just complete opposites. My Question is, are they or are they just pleasing you and denying who they really are?
Hello! I know I’m late to the party here, but I’m an identical twin myself and thought I’d chime in. My sister and I were kept together till Grade 2, when my parents and the school decided to split us up and see what happened. I think we were pretty ambivalent to the idea at the time, but it didn’t end up working well at all. Ours was a school that pretty much kept the same groups of kids in the same classes together, which meant that my sister stayed with our Grade 1 friends and I was put in a class where I didn’t know anyone. It was a really hard year for me, and we after that we went back into the same class till elementary school ended. So if you’re thinking of splitting girls up down the road, my advice would be to look into whether the school tends to keep the same class of kids together from year to year, or mix kids up each year.