Hello World!
me and the six pack
I’m so thrilled to be blogging over here at Babble, but I feel a little like the new kid in school among all these esteemed bloggers. So, at the risk of sounding like a lame Facebook meme, let me stand up in front of the class and tell you a bit about myself.
1. My name is Dawn. People call me Dawn. Or Mom. But that’s mostly just my kids. Or Shawna. That’s a Ferris Bueller line. I quote random movies regularly just to see who’s on the same page with me. Hmmm, I wonder if Charlie Sheen was winning back when he was in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
2. It’s been 75 minutes since I did a load of laundry.
3. I have six kids. Yes, I know what causes it. Yes, there’s a reason why I have six; it’s because I didn’t want seven.
4. I’m recently divorced from a man who quit being a father a year and a half ago.
5. I have an unnatural fear of vomit. Seriously, when one of my kids throws up in my house, I move to another state.
6. I’ve written two books, Because I Said So (and Other Tales from a Less-Than-Perfect Parent), and You’ll Lose the Baby Weight (and Other Lies About Pregnancy and Childbirth). I’m thinking about writing a single mom’s survival guide next. Or maybe I’ll write a book about Hawaii because that would probably take a considerable amount of research on the island.
7. I hate the sound of styrofoam and balloons, I love to buy shoes, but I hate to wear them, I have enough bath/shower products to open my own Bath & Body Works, and I always step on the scale at least 3 times in a row just in case the number was wrong and I really weigh 20 pounds less than the first two readings because I’m insane.
8. I can’t live without my cell phone, freshly laundered sheets, coconut, rum, and oxygen.
9. I was born in Chicago and have lived thereabouts my whole life. I love the city, but passionately hate the weather. And the traffic. And the weather (yes, I hate it that much).
10. A disturbing amount of people land on my blog after googling “bat poop”. I’m not sure why since I don’t recall ever writing about guano.
11. I’m addicted to coffee. I tried giving it up once, but the uncaffeinated version of me scared my coworkers and they begged me to ingest some sort of caffeine. After about a week, I started drinking coffee again and eventually, they gave me my scissors back.
12. I don’t do math or mornings.
13. I can’t spell privilege, amateur, or turquoise.
14. My kids have taught me that eating blue popsicles turns your poop neon green, no matter how long you leave the freezer door open, it will never turn the water on the kitchen floor into an ice rink, and toddlers actually can subsist on chocolate milk and ketchup for a week.
15. I’m a horrible procrastinator. I have a hard time finishing pretty much every. . .
You always make me laugh, glad you found another place to keep the laughs going :)
Hilarious. Thanks for the laugh:) I too have an unnatural fear of vomit.. so I say the next time our kids vomit and we move to another state.. we can meet in Hawaii!
I saw you like coconut and then rum. I thought it was coconut rum.. which I totally love (Malibu and coke…. mmmmm… and it’s full of caffeine! If you want super sweet try it with Vanilla coke!).
There are so many words I can’t spell but there is one that gives me fits trying to say “rural”.. I dunno I just caught up in the rrrrrrr ness of it!
Congrats on your job. You will be perfect for it! Anne
Dawn!! I’m so excited and happy for you!!
<3 Cheri
More Dawn, yay!
Yay!! A daily double dose of Dawn!! I’ve also been a faithful follower for years and have both your books (hilarious). BTW–I also have trouble spelling your words and for some reason, also license and restaurant.
You are soooo funny Dawn! Seriously, you need to do some stand up comedy sometime. They could pay you good money for your material girl.
Yay Dawn!!
Go Dawn!
Hi Dawn,
Yep that’s you in a nutshell. We couldn’t have written it any better!
Go Dawn! You rock… as usual! Btw, I saw Coconut m&ms today at Target in the Easter candy aisle-( who can resist Easter candy-with all them ‘ there perttaaay colors!)…. well, although I love m&ms, I greatly dislike coconut -however, I thought of you when I saw them and wondered if people who don’t fear coconut…like you…like them. (I just don’t get coconut, it never disintegrates and that smell…oy!) I need no new food additions to my repertoire, so I’m ok with all of this! I’m fine with my m&m spectacular eggs. YUMMO!
All the best to you on this new journey!
gee this is just great, another blog to distract me from my real life! Seriously you are great and I look forward to reading BOTH blogs religiously (did I spell that right?) I only have one child, an 8 year old, but I am 52 and she has Down syndrome and enough energy that it often feels like 6. I am a single parent too for many of the same reasons that you now are, but I wouldn’t trade “Hurricane Ella” for anything. Keep up the great writing and believe me you are an encouragement to me as I tread my way through the minefield of motherhood.
WOOT!!!! Congrats on yout new job.
Hi Dawn
If you ever decide to write a book about Australia,, I’d be glad to help you with the research. I live within short driving distance to beaches and only 1 hour away from a major wine producing area so we could do a lot of serious research into subjects of worldwide interest. By the way, I hate Vegemite so we have another thing in common.
Sandy
Another great post. I love it!! Thanks for sharing.
Love your blog Dawn! Thanks for helping me procrastinate and congratulations on the new job!
They are lucky to have you, you are very talented! I cannot spell at all.
Hey, congrats on the new job! Babble is terrific and you will shine. I’ll come back to read often.
For anyone who has never seen Dawn’s Pokemon auction, here is a link to it. Someone saved it. It is hilarious. http://tdc.s3.amazonaws.com/brilliant.pdf I’ve been following since the auction too and love reading Dawn’s writings. Congratulations on babble, Dawn!
Dawn, you are an awesome quick wit. I’ve never been to this website, so I’m glad you showed me the way…I will follow you here too!
Babble made a VERY GOOD CHOICE employing you!! Tell ‘em funjenny said so.
Dawn – I’m SO proud of the way you take care of your kids, and still manage to laugh – and make others laugh while at it! Congrats on the new JOB! :)
~ Misty
LOL as always.
I actually did it! I WAS first! WOOHOO!
Congrats Dawn. So glad thing are starting to look up for you. You have been making me laugh for years and I am looking forward to following you here too. Good luck and God Bless.
Awesome list. I think we may be long lost sisters or third cousins or something…#5 and #7 are me to a T :)
Congrats on this awesome new opportunity!
OMG you are Hilarious!!! I mean HILARIOUS! LOL! This was the first blog I read that made me laugh out loud!! And I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately. I particularly related to #11 and #12! I’m still laughing and my children are looking at my quizzically as if I’m nuts. (I am, but that’s another story for another blog!)
Great job – and will look forward to reading more!
Thx for the belly laughs!
Congratulations on the JOB! It couldn’t have happened to a better person at a better time. Love your blog, keep up the good work, and thanks for all the laughs along the way. Oh, going to Hawii in May for 40th anniversary!
I love reading your blog, so happy you are getting recognized by the big leagues! However, Charlie Sheen was not only winning in Ferris Bueller, he also didn’t even need the tiger blood at the time to win. The man surrounds himself with goddesses and poops gold, I’m pretty sure.
-Meghan
http://big-belliedbeautysguidetodisneyworld.blogspot.com/
I can’t spell privilege either! Gets me every time.
Woo-Hoo Dawn!! Good for you!! You deserve great things in your life!
Welcome to Babble! Looking forward to reading more.
You and your brood are ADORABLE! :D Welcome!
so happy to see you here Dawn! Loving it!
I wanted to say I’m really looking forward to even more Dawn laughs. That is such a great picture of you and the kids! Did you know if you click on it twice then it magnifies it a lot? You all still look great but I thought some one should give you a heads up. :)
love dawn!