I used to be a good mom, I did! I used to start brainstorming ideas for creative Halloween costumes during the summer. I made awesome costumes for my kids year after year. (My sister is really the creative one as you’ll see from the pictures, but I held my own.) I was the room mom for my kids’ classes every single year. I organized great parties with the best games and I made homemade goodies that would turn Martha Stewart green with envy. The mom I am now would hate the guts of the mom I was back then. I would call that mom an overachiever and a stuck-up Miss June Cleaver. And that hatred would be fueled by pure jealously. As I’m sure you can tell by my posts over the last year, I’m having issues and struggling with feelings of inadequacy. I know on an intellectual level that I’m in a different place and simply cannot do all the things I used to do as a married, stay-at-home-mom. I know this. But still, there’s this little part of me that cannot help but lament the mom I once was (even while wanting to punch her face in at the same time). Yes, yes I know I probably need psychiatric help.
Anyway, the begining of October when my kids asked me, “What are we going to be for Halloween?” I brushed them off and replied, “I dunno. I can’t think about that right now.” Two days before Hallween, they asked again, “What are we going to be?”
I thought for a minute, then answered, “Well, you have a choice. You can be yourself or you can look in the Hallween box or dress-up box and throw together some sort of outfit. Or, hey! I know! You can wear your cheer and football uniforms!” Then, under my breath, “I paid enough for those. You might as well get use out of them. Or you could be a hobo and wear those ripped up, too-small jeans you were trying to squeeze into yesterday. No, no no! I’ve got it! How about I just buy you guys some bags of candy and we go out for pizza instead of trick-or-treating?”
I thought that plan was brilliant! A relaxing evening out with my kids sounded fabulous to me! Why hadn’t I thought of this years ago? They were less-than-thrilled with my helpful suggestions, but in the end they accepted the fact that I’d become a
crappy busy mom and this was the best I could do.
In case you were like me this year and didn’t think about Halloween until a week before, I’ll help you out for next year. Here are some ideas, taken from my Martha Stewart days, you can use for next year’s costumes. (I would’ve helped you out with these ideas earlier this month, but that would’ve ruined the whole Halloween Failure Thing I’ve got going on.)
To read more from Dawn, check out her hilarious books Because I Said So (and other tales from a less-than-perfect parent) and You’ll Lose the Baby Weight (and other lies about pregnancy and childbirth) here!
If you liked this, here are some more favorites from Dawn.