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Before I was a Mom (27 Things I Remember from my Pre-Mom Days)

29702_395039105115_7736738_nI love being a mom and wouldn’t trade it for the world. I honestly have a hard time remembering what life was like before I had kids. My oldest child will be 19 this week, and considering I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast, it’s not surprising I can’t remember those pre-mom days from nearly 2 decades ago.

 

Before I was a mom…

my jeans fit.

I drove a Mustang, not a church van.

there weren’t any fruit snacks smashed into the seatbelts in my car.

there weren’t any drawings on the furniture in my house.

I had never tried the delicacy of a chicken nugget.

there wasn’t a single strand of gray in my hair.

I didn’t know that blue food coloring could make a kid’s poop to neon green.

I never uttered the phrases, “Don’t put that lizard in your sister’s bed,” “Why did you shove a Tic Tac up your nose?” or “Stop trying to fly; the ceiling fan has a weight limit, you know!”

I slept all night without any feet in my face.

I could go to the bathroom without seeing fingers poking under the door.

I was smart. And then I was presented with 6th grade math.

I took showers that lasted more than 2 minutes and when I left the bathroom, I never discovered the dog covered in pink yogurt.

my floor wasn’t covered in toys.

I ate food while it was still warm.

I knew the perfect way to raise kids.

I didn’t have any Barbies, Legos, or Happy Meal toys in my purse.

There wasn’t Play Doh or nail polish permanently stuck to my carpet.

I did my hair and makeup every day.

my name was Dawn, not Mom.

I had money. Or well, more money than I have now.

my time was my own and I never used that time to sit at a football field for 12 hours straight.

I never considered making a diorama of the Potawatomi Indians the night before it was due.

I arrived at destinations on time and with matching shoes.

I had never heard of The Wiggles, Super Why, or Bubble Guppies.

I didn’t know what it felt like to be a role model.

I didn’t know how amazingly incredible it felt to hold your own baby.

I didn’t know I could love anyone as strongly as I do now.

 

How about you? Fill in the blank. Before I was a mom____________.

 

 

Want to read more from Dawn? Get her books Because I Said So (and other tales from a less-than-perfect parent) and You’ll Lose the Baby Weight (and other lies about pregnancy and childbirth) here!

If you liked this, here are some more favorites from Dawn.

I don’t feel bad when I throw up on my dentist

Bikram Yoga is the DEVIL

I am one hot mama! (no, really I am)

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