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Blue Jeans: The Butt Episode

I have something to say about buying jeans. I DID IT. I got another pair of jeans! Thanks to Levi’s, I had a chance to check out  their selection prior to shopping so I had a good idea what I wanted. Shopping for them was, admittedly, online. That’s due to a couple of things that mostly have to do with working very long hours lately. Before I did that, though, I had to make my Must Have List for what I want in a pair of jeans. Here’s where I admit to looking at pictures of jeans and also looking at lots of pictures of butts in jeans. Try explaining that to your teenage sons who are looking over your shoulder while you do this.

I’m not perverted or anything, but the Butt Factor is something that women tend to look for in a good pair of jeans. I can’t count the number of times my girlfriends and I have said this sentence to one another: Your butt looks good in those jeans.

Out of the three pair I own I have a favorite pair and they are the ones in which my butt looks the best. I call them the Good Butt Jeans. Or Bruce. I like to switch it up a little since I have so very few pairs.

It’s kind of a requirement to feeling good about myself in a pair of jeans to know I look good in them. It’s not just the style of jeans that matters to me, it’s whether or not it flatters my butt. I don’t even care if that sounds shallow of me: good jean butt is a Real Thing and it is important.

So, what are my non-negotiables when it comes to buying a good pair of jeans? Well, they have to have three things:

1. The pockets must be perfectly placed or else it negates my earlier claim of my butt needing to look good in them.

2. The length must hit me right at the top of my foot. I’m a tall woman and this is always an issue in pants and jeans.

3. The color must be just right. I love dark colored jeans and don’t mind if they fade just a little bit. Anything light never seems to flatter me. Dark colored jeans seem to be more forgiving.

I put together a little slideshow of my jeans dos and don’ts for you. I feel like this is your reward for going on this jean shopping journey with me so I can find the perfect pair. Warning: there are lots of butts here. But nothing that isn’t safe for work. I promise!

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  • Jeans on Mannequins 1 of 9
    Jeans on Mannequins
    Looking at jeans on a mannequin isn't always helpful because they're hard plastic and butts are soft and hips are squishy. At least mine are.
  • The Pocket No No 2 of 9
    The Pocket No No
    These are wrong for many reasons and it has nothing to do with those awesome feathered hairdos. The pockets are too high thus pulling up the jeans. The pocket shape are all wrong. This is why we left you behind, 1970s.
  • The perfect jean butt 3 of 9
    The perfect jean butt
    I'm not sure if this is the perfect jean butt or just the perfect butt. THIS is how most women want their rear ends to look in jeans whether they have that butt or not.
  • So So Pockets 4 of 9
    So So Pockets
    These pockets are too far apart and it widens her rear end. If women want their butts to do something in jeans it's LIFT, not WIDEN. It doesn't help that she's taller than all those buildings.
  • I Like Big Butts 5 of 9
    I Like Big Butts
    To be honest, I love the color of these jeans and the pockets are well placed and just the right size for her butt. It's a little out of proportion for her head, but this picture makes me laugh anyway.
  • Death by Buttcrack 6 of 9
    Death by Buttcrack
    Every woman who tries on a pair of jeans needs to remember to SIT IN THEM to make sure this doesn't happen. Take a friend with you if you have to, ladies. One who tells you the truth.
  • The No-Pocket No No 7 of 9
    The No-Pocket No No
    This is probably a very nice woman with a very nice butt, but these jeans don't flatter her at all. By removing pockets altogether it widens AND flattens her bottom in a way that makes me unable to look away. That's not always a good thing. You know, like train wrecks? That's what these jeans are. A train wreck jean disaster.
  • Right Cuff, Wrong Pocket 8 of 9
    Right Cuff, Wrong Pocket
    The color of these jeans are fine and I even like being able to cuff my jeans when I want, but the pockets here cut her right in the wrong place and there's an extra crease in there. I hate those oddly placed pockets that do this to butts in jeans.
  • Levi’s Classic Bold Curve ID in Bootleg 9 of 9
    Levi's Classic Bold Curve ID in Bootleg
    These are the jeans I bought and they have everything I want in a pair of jeans. Cut, color, and good pocket placement on the back.

Read my first post for my quest for a good pair of jeans. Blue Jean Confession: I Own Very Few

Disclaimer: A big thanks to Levi’s for sponsoring this campaign. Click here to see more of the discussion.

Photo credit to Dayna Bateman

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