Brad Pitt’s Valentine’s Day Gift To Angelina Jolie This Year? Breath Mints.

brad-pitt-angelina-jolieYes, you heard me. Breath mints. And who says romance is dead?

In what appears to be a conscious, calculated effort to bolster the standing of men in relationships everywhere in the eyes of their lady-friends, Brad Pitt eschewed the traditional Valentine’s Day gifts of flowers-and-chocolates this year (though in Pitt’s case, one might suppose a “traditional” V-Day gift may be something just a little bit pricier – like, say, a diamond the size of a baby’s fist and a $160k bottle of Penfolds), and gave the mother of his (semi-feral, cricket-eating) children the gift of minty-fresh breath instead.

I know. *swoon*

According to US Weekly:

The World War Z actor, 49, didn’t bestow his love of nearly eight years with everyday Tic-Tacs or Altoids — instead giving the 37-year-old mother of his six kids with Eat Whatever, a breath-freshening product that includes one swallowable gel cap and a mint to suck on.

So they were FANCY MINTS? Well why didn’t you say so! ARE THESE MINTS ENCRUSTED WITH JEWELS, PERCHANCE?

eatwhatever

Sadly, no. 

In related news, though mind-numbingly gorgeous, Angelina Jolie apparently has terrible breath:

“It is sort of a joke — and not,” a source close to the superstar couple tells Us Weekly of the vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free product. “He always teases her that she has bad breath.”

So to recap: your gift of mints on freakin’ *Valentine’s Day* to your beloved life partner isn’t JUST a joke gift, it’s also an INSULTING gift?

Wow. That’s some truly next level stupidity Brad, I gotta hand it to ya. *slow clap*

But don’t despair, ardent lovers of the Pitt! The source insists that “he’ll also get her something more serious.” Serious, as in a handwritten letter of apology, a diamond the size of a baby’s fist, and a $160k bottle of Penfolds?

Yeah, that sounds about right.

So! What did your significant other get YOU this Valentine’s Day? Ever get anything as bad (or worse) than breath mints? DO TELL.

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Image sources: eatwhatever.comwikicommons

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