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Can I Have My Nervous Breakdown Now?

My car, trapped in the water. Terrifying. Totaled.

The last two weeks have been hellish. Just plain hellish. There is no other word for it. First of all, week before last, I accidentally drove my car into a real, honest to goodness flash flood  It was a really terrifying and upsetting experience, and two days ago, we found out that my beloved Honda Odyssey minivan was totaled in the flood. I am still kind of in shock.

We weren’t finished paying the van off, so after we found out it was indeed totaled, we were just praying that we wouldn’t end up getting less than we owed from the insurance company. Luckily, we got just a smidge above our payoff. That’s the good news. The bad news is that after the past year’s catastrophic events, we just aren’t in a position to take out a new car loan right now. And really, we could use the breathing room of a period with no car payment in our budget.

So what to do about a car for me to drive? Our solution has come in the form of our bestest pal, Dr. Neighbor (that’s what I’ve always called him over at mamapundit.com). Dr. Neighbor has had a pretty &*%$ing awful year himself. He didn’t get tenure and his house burned to the ground. Because he currently has no obligations to anyone, he’s decided to have an adventure and spend the next 6 months or so driving around the country in a VW bus with his dog, Thor.  (He’s writing about his grand adventure at ILiveInMyVan.com. )

Because Dr. Neighbor is going to be driving his VW bus for quite a while, he is going to sell us his 1997 Subaru wagon with 200,000 miles on it. We haven’t bought it yet, but I am already driving it. While we are very grateful to have a solution we can afford to our current car issue, we now no longer have a car into which our whole family fits (Jon has a paid-off Honda Civic). If we are all going somewhere together, we have to take BOTH cars. This is clearly not an ideal situation, but it’s the way it is for now. It’s a wee bit stressful, although again, I am very grateful to have no car payment at the moment, and to have a car to drive at all.

Also in the “hellish” category in the past two weeks has been our family’s decision to finally – after 10 months of waiting for local authorities to do the right thing – go public with all the details of my son Henry’s case, and of how investigators and the DA have mishandled it. The process of starting to share all the information we’ve kept to ourselves all these months (we’re publishing everything at the new site JusticeForHenry.com) is exhausting and emotionally draining. I have also been making the media rounds in the past two weeks, to discuss my son’s case.  Along with Henry’s father, I’ve been on a number of local TV and radio shows, and I also appeared on CNN’s “Issues With Jane Velez-Mitchell.” I really, really, REALLY don’t want to have to be doing this.  Talking about what happened to my son day in and out, reading the crank online comments saying he deserved to die, and basically begging the authorities to fully investigate my child’s death are so awful that I can’t even begin to describe it. I am just so tired. I want to grieve in peace. I want to go back to being “just a mom” instead of detective and reporter and advocate all rolled into one. But I can’t quit or give up, and I know I still have a long slog ahead.

Plus, I just miss Henry so much. As the weather begins to warm up (YAY!), I am reminded that the anniversary of his death is fast approaching, and I feel so sad about that that I can barely breathe. It’s hard. This is all just too hard.

Oh, and did I mention that it’s tax season right now? That means that Jon, who is an accountant, is currently working 7 days a week, 10 hours a day.

Yeah, my life hasn’t been too fun lately. Not fun at all. I am kind of barely holding it all together. Thankfully, I love my job, the other kids are thriving, and we have a roof over our heads and food on the table. But I won’t lie; I could SERIOUSLY use a break. I feel pretty well battered by the events of the past year and a half.

Okay, Katie’s whinefest is now officially over. Thanks for listening. And if you feel like telling me how you yourself went through a really tough period of your life but came out alive and intact on the other side, I’d really appreciate hearing it right about now ;-)

READ MORE OF KATIE’S BLOGGING

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