A couple of years ago, when the second Twilight movie came out – the last Twilight movie I saw, I think – it’s hard to keep track of these things – I argued that Santa Claus was in some respects similar to Edward Cullen (note: if you are unfamiliar with Edward Cullen, none of what follows will strike you as funny or interesting or make any kind of sense whatsoever. Do with that information what you will). Sure, the Santa of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town – the one who sees you when you’re sleeping, who knows when you’re awake – might be said to possess some of the same I Peek In Your Bedroom Window Because I Love You qualities as Edward the Sparkly and Obsessive Vampire, but really, Santa? A glittery, red-lipped stalker? Who’s been known to chase down reindeer? Who has a penchant for cold?
You see where this is going.
I was totally on to something. I feel obliged to share it with you now, in 2011, because, seriously.
Santa might totally be a vampire.
Let’s review the evidence:
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Team Christmas, I salute you.
(Team We’re Totally Not Not Fantasists About Christmas Or Any Other Holidays Either, Really – well, happy Santa-less, vampire-free, zombie-void holidays to you, too. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.)