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Catherine is a mother, writer, recovering academic, the author of Her Bad Mother, and Editor in Chief of Disney Interactive Family.

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He Sees You When You’re Sleeping: 13 Reasons Santa Might Be A Vampire

By Catherine Connors |

A couple of years ago, when the second Twilight movie came out – the last Twilight movie I saw, I think – it’s hard to keep track of these things – I argued that Santa Claus was in some respects similar to Edward Cullen (note: if you are unfamiliar with Edward Cullen, none of what follows will strike you as funny or interesting or make any kind of sense whatsoever. Do with that information what you will). Sure, the Santa of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town – the one who sees you when you’re sleeping, who knows when you’re awake – might be said to possess some of the same I Peek In Your Bedroom Window Because I Love You qualities as Edward the Sparkly and Obsessive Vampire, but really, Santa? A glittery, red-lipped stalker? Who’s been known to chase down reindeer? Who has a penchant for cold? 

You see where this is going.

I was totally on to something. I feel obliged to share it with you now, in 2011, because, seriously.

Santa might totally be a vampire.

Let’s review the evidence:

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He Sees You When You’re Sleeping: 13 Reasons Santa Might Be A Vampire

1. The Night Stalking

Edward loves Bella, and so he lurks around her bedroom at night, watching her sleep and listening to her mumble sweet-nothings about her secret dreams and desires. Santa loves the children, and so he remote-watches them while they sleep and eavesdrops while they mumble about visions of sugarplums and then, when the time is right, he sneaks into their houses and then back out again without making a sound. Edward and Santa are both skilled in the dark arts of benevolent stalking. Disturbing? Maybe. But when was the last time you told your kids that you wouldn’t be letting Santa in the house because love means never watching people when they’re sleeping?

 

Team Christmas, I salute you.

(Team We’re Totally Not Not Fantasists About Christmas Or Any Other Holidays Either, Really – well, happy Santa-less, vampire-free, zombie-void holidays to you, too. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.)

 

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About Catherine Connors

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Catherine Connors

Catherine is a mother, writer, recovering academic, the author of Her Bad Mother, and Editor in Chief of Disney Interactive Family. Read bio and latest posts → Read Catherine's latest posts →

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One thought on “He Sees You When You’re Sleeping: 13 Reasons Santa Might Be A Vampire

  1. [...] I revisited that whole ‘Santa is totally a vampire thing.” Because, [...]

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