They genuinely LIKE and have patience for every child they meet.
I admire these people. The world is is a much better place because they exist.
I, however, am not one of those people.
I do like kids in general. My kids are pretty swell little people.
When I like your kid they know it because I treat them like rainbows might fall out of theit butts.
But there are those kids I see, or hear, that make me want to reach into their mother’s vagina and knot her fallopian tubes so she can’t possibly plague mankind by having MORE.
They are the kids that kick the back of your seat on trains or planes. FROM NEWARK TO L.A.
They are the kids that invade your eating space in restaurants. THEY SCREAM THROUGHOUT THE APPETIZER, ENTREE AND AFTER-DINNER DRINKS (you now feel compelled to have).
They are the kids whose names keep popping up during explanations of newly-learned behaviors. ANYTHING THAT ENDS IN “…AND THEN THE POLICE CAME TO THEIR HOUSE” IS BAD.
Those kids suck.
How much is the kids and how much is the parents?
Next time you’re trying not to look horrified by the skin-crawling fit being thrown by a kid, remember that: it’s just a kid.
Then calmly go up to the mom or dad and junk-punch them in defense of the buttmonkey they’re raising.
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