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Do Not Give Away Your Baby Stuff When Youre Ovulating

I'll Miss You Humpty, Mr. Frog and Orange Square Thing...

It’s a new year, and for many of us that means getting rid of whole bunch of stuff we’ve been holding on to in order to make room for new and wonderful opportunities.

For me that means giving away the baby gear.

(Insert *SOB*)

As I write this my front porch is packed with baby stuff: bumbo, cradle, circle of neglect (just had to google to find out it’s actually called a ‘baby exersaucer’ – for what?  exercising?), vibrating chair, toys, clothing etc etc…

(Insert *SOB*)

What’s my problem?  My girls are 5 and a year and a half,  I’m not planning on having more children, why in the world would I be hanging on to baby shoes for a newborn that have little teeny tiny little lambs on the front which were worn by both my children?  No really, they are so cute.  You have to see them. There are no feet currently in them and I just want to give them a little kiss.  STOP IT!!!  Get away from the shoes.

(Insert *BAWLING*)

That’s it.  I’m saving them.  I’ll put them in a shadow box.  Sure, it’ll take me 15 years to buy the frame and do it but I can’t stomach putting these in a garbage bag with the label “give away”.  Saving them seems almost reasonable, but what about all the other stuff?  The only reason people hang on to this much stuff is if they are….

(Insert slow motion vocals)

Going…To…Have…Another…Baby….

(Insert quiet moment of reflection mixed with strong desire to mix alcoholic beverage. Also lumpy thing in throat that could be identified as anxiety or beginnings of flu)

(Insert moment of checking out my husband from head to toe with a specific look on my face that makes him respond, “Why are you so angry at me?”)

Having all of this stuff suggests that having another child is still an option.  Giving it all away is a definitive decision to close up shop.  The fact that I’m wavering on this point is profoundly confusing.  Do I really want to go through this all over again?  I have never for one second thought baby barf was endearing and reliving the 4am feed where I basically looked like an electro-shocked rooster breast feeding an infant is not something I want to revisit.

So maybe giving away the baby stuff is a way of clearing the space to make room for something new and wonderful.  And frankly, I’m getting a lot of joy out of giving my stuff away.  Each one of those tiny adorable outfits have been hugged a thousand times over.  That’s a lot of love to pass on.

Here are my rules for packing up and clearing out the baby stuff:

  1. Do not give away your baby gear when you are ovulating:  Unless you like bawling and coming up with hypothetical reasons for having more children.
  2. Label one box with the title “Do Not Give Away” and put whatever you want in it.  And your husband is wrong, that little onesie is totally worth saving.
  3. Do not let your children see that you are giving things away.  They will assume the worst and there will be tears.  Perhaps do the big giveaway when they aren’t even in the house.  The temptation to make jokes like “Well it was nice knowing you” or “What do you think about getting your own apartment?” is just too high.
  4. If you’ve stopped breastfeeding remove that bf-ing bra immediately and stick it in a bag with those maternity jeans that you are still claiming to be “comfortable”.  There is enough room in the seat of your pants to transport meat products from the grocery store.  Embrace your new bum with a better fitting pair of pants.  For God’s sakes woman, you deserve it.
  5. I really feel like I need to drive this point home – Do NOT even look at a 0-3 month sleeper if you’re ovulating.  You will cry your eyes out and consider sleeping with it under your face.  Your husband shouldn’t have to see that.

You can do it.  View the below pics to see what I’ve started to put in my “Do Not Throw Away Box” :

 


  • The Lamb Shoes 1 of 7
    The Lamb Shoes
    Who could ever get rid of good quality shoes with little lamb heads? Into the "Do Not Throw Out Box" they go.
  • Baby Blankets 2 of 7
    Baby Blankets
    My girls came home in these blankets. I can barely look at this photo without weeping.
  • String Brazilian Bikini For A Newborn 3 of 7
    String Brazilian Bikini For A Newborn
    Say What?! Of course only Samantha Bee could find something like this and only Samantha Bee would send it as a gift for a newborn. We laughed for a good hour.
  • First Dress 4 of 7
    First Dress
    I'll never forget when my husband saw our daughter in this dress. He exclaimed, "It's a girl!". It really hit him for the first time.
  • Vacation Sweater 5 of 7
    Vacation Sweater
    Every 3 month old should go on a ski holiday. Especially if you're Canadian.
  • Baby Hat 6 of 7
    Baby Hat
    Also from the hospital. Possibly covered with my tears.
  • Miscellaneous Single Sock 7 of 7
    Miscellaneous Single Sock
    It literally fits on my thumb. So CUTE! Okay, fine. I won't keep it. I do have my limits...

 

 

 

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