(Photo by my friend Karen Walrond, who gives me big happiness.)
According to photos, I developed a butt sometime around second grade. Like a for real butt. I believe this was first realized and documented when I was lined up for the ballet recital, next to all my WASPy blondie friends, who were also taking classes from Jackie’s school of dance. I looked back to make sure I was in line and noticed in the stage right mirror that my butt stuck out like 10 times further than the other girls. It didn’t line up.
Later that summer, I heard my grandmother refer to me as “hippy”… and she wasn’t talking about peace, love and understanding.
It all didn’t totally register at first. But over the next few years of tweendom, as I started to notice how the world worked, the more I wanted to be like everyone else, to blend in, to fit in, to not have so much junk in the trunk. You know. For boys to like me. I thought being skinny and pretty and just like everyone else was the key to this. Because what else could it be.
Of course, this was the Eighties, Pre-K (Pre-Kardashian), when shoulder pads were big and butts were small. When it was imperative to fit into your splatter paint white jeans and parachute pants. And sometime around then, I started only wearing skirts, dresses, flowy things. Anything other than jeans.
Much like Jenny, who wrote in her book about how jeans make her knees look fat, I get it. Although I do wear jeans now, I still kind of hate them and am convinced none of them look good on me ever. This works for the most part around here, since we basically wear swim suit coverups from May to October. But we’re getting close to October, and since I no longer dress up for work, I need some jeans that make me happy.
I’m embarking on two things to make this more possible.
One. I’m going to be more active. Brene’ Brown* has challenged me with the phrase, What would you be glad that you did, even if you failed? Trying to be active always ends in total failure for me. I need to try it anyway. I need to swim more. And run in one of those color runs. I wrote more about that whole fear here. But I’m hitting refresh and becoming more active this fall.
Two. I’m procuring “Bold Curve” jeans. Boldly. And curvily. Levi’s has these Bold Curve jeans, and I’m going to boldy own them. I ordered them online and they’re on their way to me. I’ll let you know how this goes.
*I’ll be writing more about Brene’ Brown’s Daring Greatly book tomorrow and doing a giveaway of a signed copy of that right here too.