Don’t Underestimate The Mall

Mall

It has been like, 110 degrees in L.A. this week. Well, actually it’s been like 100 degrees in L.A. and 110 degrees in the Valley because it’s ten degrees hotter here (wink wink, no seriously — that’s meteorologically true) and it’s also, as you may have heard, summer vacation for my daughter which means staying locked up in our house is not an option, not matter how high we crank the AC.

The Mall is kind of a big deal here in the San Fernando Valley. Remember this little ditty by Moon Unit Zappa?

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Recently I’ve been having a bit of a Mall-love renaissance. If you take the buying stuff out of the equation (or don’t, up to you) it really is kind of a genius way to spend an afternoon. I don’t know about you, but our Mall has a huge indoor, air-conditioned play area RIGHT NEXT TO A COFFEE BEAN AND A FRO-YO STAND. (There’s also a Wetzel’s Pretzels, but my expanding ass insists I pretend it doesn’t exist.)

You can work out at the mall. Not just by walking the levels like my Mom used to in the 90s, but also at most malls now you can try out those cool vibration machines which claim to give you one hour of muscle workout in ten minutes if you don’t mind looking like a post-freshman fifteen sorority girl on initiation day. (This is what that looks like.)

There are massage chairs there. Or actual people giving massages. Your choice. You see where I’m going with this? THERE IS A LOT OF STUFF TO DO AT THE MALL. Plus window shopping. Plus maybe you actually need something from the mall in which case, you get to kill two birds with one stone.

I’m just saying…think about it.

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More from Morgan:
My Mom Had A Wardrobe Malfunction At My Bat Mitzvah
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