Duct Tape Holds my World (or at least my van) Together

When I wrote about Mom MacGyvers, I had a few people ask me about my duct-taped car.  Yes, yes, my car really is held together by duct-tape. I think of it as more of a fashion statement than a redneck quick-fix. They make duct tape in all sorts of cool colors and patterns now! Really, I’m not holding the van together; I’m accessorizing! And it’s awesome for those times (all 2 of them) when I’ve walked into a parking lot and have seen an identical giant, maroon, church van. No longer do I have to peer in the windows to see if the van is mine by the number of fries, empty Gatorade bottles, shoes, beach towels, and miscellaneous garbage on the floor. The creative placement of pink duct tape makes it so much easier to ascertain which van is mine!

When I first bought my big ole “church van”, I needed a vehicle that seated 8. My choices were limited to a Suburban or a big ole van. I opted for the van. Now that we’re a family of seven, a whole new world of vehicles would work for us (you know, if I won the lottery or something, or if some guy knocks on my door one day and gives me a new car of my choice just because I’m cute hilarious nice the 15th caller).

The check engine comes on often. I’ve come to think of it as a little Christmas light. It just seems cheerier that way.  A couple times I’ve actually checked the engine. As in – I opened the hood and said, “Yep, the engine’s still there. At least I think that’s the engine.” As you might imagine, this one goes through gas about as fast as I can go through a box of Little Debbie snack cakes. It costs me $100 in gas every week. It’s not exactly fuel efficient, but it gets us from point A to point B and I’m thankful for that.

Would you like a little tour of my van? Sure you would! Trust me, it’ll make you feel better about the condition of your own vehicle!

  • Glove Compartment 1 of 14
    Glove Compartment
    The latch is broken so every time I stepped on the gas, the door would fling open. It bugged the snot out of me so I duct taped it shut. If I'm ever pulled over and asked for my registration and proof of insurance, I'm sure the officer will understand when I tell him I can't get to it because I don't want to mess up the tape.
  • Rearview Mirror 2 of 14
    Rearview Mirror
    Thanks to an errant basketball (I'm so glad I fought the HOA for permission to keep a basketball hoop on my driverway), my mirror broke. It would hang by a thin wire if it wasn't for the magic of duct tape.
  • Side Door 3 of 14
    Side Door
    I was 39 years old before I ever had an accident. A car hit me while I crossed a divided boulevard in a snow storm. Now a strip of rubber is duct taped to the door so it doesn't drag along the street.
  • Rust 4 of 14
    I'm thinking about covering this rust spot with duct tape. Bright pink looks better than rust, right?
  • Passenger Door 5 of 14
    Passenger Door
    This is where a drunk guy on a bicycle ran into my door. He was okay (other than his spilled cerveza), but my door, on the other hand, now makes these horrible creaking noises when you try to open it.
  • Door Handle 6 of 14
    Door Handle
    The door handle fell off a couple years ago. There were some screws poking out that kept scratching the passengers' arms so once again - duct tape to the rescue!
  • Window 7 of 14
    The window latch is broken so the window won't stay shut. That kinda stinks when you live in a place where it rains every day. So here we've artistically applied this lovely plaid duct tape.
  • Rear Door 8 of 14
    Rear Door
    This is where Savannah took out the neighbor's mailbox when she was learning how to drive. Man, that thing FLEW!
  • Driver’s Side 9 of 14
    Driver's Side
    It's always a good idea to label your belongings so no one tries to steal them.
  • Driver’s Side 10 of 14
    Driver's Side
    Know what's better than labeling your vehicle with one name? Labeling it with TWO names!
  • Driver’s Side 11 of 14
    Driver's Side
    And here we have the signature of the labeler herself. Why, thank you, Brooklyn, for making sure no one mistakes my car for their own. Nice spelling and penmanship for a 4-year-old, huh?
  • Lighted Mirror 12 of 14
    Lighted Mirror
    Half this mirror won't light. The other half won't turn off. Ever. I think it's time to duct tape the little button before this slowly drains my battery.
  • Visor 13 of 14
    I'm not sure if I should duct tape this defect. I'm thinking that this is more of a hot glue kind of project.
  • Rear Light 14 of 14
    Rear Light
    The compartment that houses the back-up light leaks. It's constantly filled with water and rust and the light bulb needs to be replaced frequently. I think I need to duct tape all around the light to keep out the water.

I don’t always waste time, but when I do, I enjoy playing on Facebook. Come with me, my friend.

If you liked this, here are some more favorites from Dawn.

Ahhh, the Good Ole Days: Dodgeball, Monkey Bars, and Other Long-Lost Schoolyard Games

Bikram Yoga is the DEVIL

I am one hot mama! (no, really I am)

Article Posted 3 years Ago
share this article
facebook twitter tumblr pinterest
See Comments
what do you think?
share this article
facebook twitter tumblr pinterest
See Comments
what do you think?
what do you think?
close comments
Subscribe to the
Welcome to
Sign Out
Follow us on