Two of our favorite fictional movie stars — Edward Cullen from the Twilight series and Tony Stark from the Iron Man franchise — met up today to chat about current events!
Tony Stark: Edward, I’m here as a private citizen and a guest of Condoleezza Rice.
Edward: Is she a fan of action movies in general, or the Iron Man movies particularly?
Tony Stark: Big fan of irony, moral dilemmas, romance — the whole head-heart package. We just watched Jules and Jim together last night. Tears, like this, down both of our cheeks.
Edward: Nice that you’re rust-proof.
Tony Stark: Funny.
Edward: So tell us what it’s like on the convention floor.
Tony Stark: Exciting. Lots of energy. A lot of great hats.
Edward: We’ve been seeing a viral C-SPAN clip of a Puerto Rican national committeewoman getting shouted down by people chanting “USA! USA!” Care to comment on that?
Tony Stark: Look, some people don’t recognize Puerto Rico as an unincorporated territory of the United States. I’m not defending them, but they have a right to their opinion.
Edward: Do you mean they don’t recognize Puerto Rico as a U.S. territory, or they don’t realize Puerto Rico is a U.S. Territory?
Tony Stark: Have you been in New York during the Puerto Rican Day parade?
Tony Stark: Then you’ll realize that there’s nothing more American than a spirited chant of solidarity.
Edward: But it’s unnerving when they’re chanting against you, not for you.
Tony Stark: Oh, sure, I’ve been there, I’ve taken unpopular stances. Although, when you’re able to fund your own private military, you have the luxury of not caring so much what people think of you. But you’ve gotta know what that’s like, Ed, I know you retreat to your glass mansion and go running up a tree just to get away from it all.
Edward: I do what I have to do.
Tony Stark: Amen.
Edward: There’s the other story about two Republican delegates throwing peanuts at a black camerawoman on the CNN crew and shouting “this is how we feed animals,” care to comment on that?
Tony Stark: You want me to answer for every racist, sexist asshat in Tampa?
Edward: No, but I’m interested in your take on the assertion that these two incidents are symptomatic of attitudes endemic within the party itself.
Tony Stark: Democrats can be jerks, too.
Edward: Of course. But do you think this is the way the party is heading, or do you chalk it up to Tea Party fringe-dwellers who don’t care about moving forward together as a country?
Tony Stark: Jesus, I don’t know. Honestly, I’m just happy that Iron Man 3 is in the bag, I’m waiting for the next Avengers script, and I’ve got a baby at home who still won’t sleep through the night.
Edward: So the election’s not as important to you as your career and your family.
Tony Stark: Well, no, it’s not, frankly, but that doesn’t mean I’m not engaged, and I’ve gathered with some influential donors.
Edward: Gathered where? For whom?
Tony Stark: Let’s just say I’m pro-gun and I’m pro-choice.
Edward: Oh my God, are you going to run in 2016?!
Tony Stark: No further comment. See you on the red carpet, my friend.
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